How do I get my Southern Baptist husband to be to convert to Catholic ?

posted 8 years ago in Catholic
Post # 3
Member
558 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m really sorry! 

But I don’t think it’s fair to expect someone to change their religion for you, especially when these two belief systems are pretty different. 

i totally understand, though; My Fiance is an agnostic, and I want him to eventually go to church with me and our future children.  It probably won’t happen, though. He’s pointed out that he won’t pretend to believe something he can’t. 

Post # 4
Member
2006 posts
Buzzing bee

You can’t force him to convert. It may suck, but it’s true.

And in all honesty, would you really want him to convert just to please you or would you rather he do so under his own convictions (ie. he believes in what the Church teaches and wants to follow her)?

Post # 5
Member
2083 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Maybe you can ask him to come along to church with you sometimes without you putting extreme pressure on him to? Why do you want him to convert to Catholicism so badly anyway? It doesn’t sound like he has a desire to and you definitely can’t force it upon him… I would just let him be and like I said maybe down the road you can just casually ask him to come to church with you sometimes and if in the future he on his own feels that it is the right thing for him then maybe it will happen.

Post # 6
Member
873 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Why do you want to convert him so badly?  My fiance was raised Catholic, but doesn’t agree with a lot of their beliefs, although he is a Christian.  I am also a Christian (evangelical, I suppose) and his beliefs line up more with mine, so we get along juts find.  He told me when we first met that he’d never consider trying to convert me.  Later we decided I would raise the children in my church.  Point in, we respect our differences and don’t try to force them on each other, even though we don’t understand osme of the things the other’s church teaches.

You may try asking him to go to church with you, but keep in mind he’s not going to be very welcomed, which may turn him off.  Other than that, you can’t *foce* someone to convert.

Post # 7
Member
1104 posts
Bumble bee

I find it incredible you two have agreed to get married without discussing this, since it seems so important to you. You can’t force someone to convert, the whole idea of converting is that a person comes to that decision themselves. If it’s so important to you to marry someone who shares your beliefs, you need to tell your Fiance. That way he can decide either to start learning about your beliefs (to see if he agrees and would be interested in converting) or to not marry you (since it’s not fair on either of you to continue with the engagement). I believe many churches have classes for people who are marrying Catholics, or are interested in converting to Catholicism – maybe you could start by discussing those and see what he thinks.

Post # 8
Member
3176 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I agree with the other posters, you can’t just expect him to convert. My FH and I are in the same situation, I’m Catholic and he’s Southern Baptist. While I would love for him to convert I would never pressure him to do so. He has attended mass with me and he knows I have strong feelings for my faith and we’ve had conversations about it. We both know that our kids will be baptized Catholic and we will attend Catholic Mass as a family, we are also having a Catholic wedding but these are all things we’ve discussed even before being engaged. I respect his wishes to remain Southern Baptist and I know he’s main point is that its how he was raised and it would upset his parents if he switched but regardless of reasons his religion is his decision.

Post # 9
Member
66 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

Assuming this isn’t Made-Up Drama (and I’m not convinced it isn’t)…I’ll bite.

I agree with the poster who is completely taken aback that you two haven’t spoken about this prior to becoming engaged. My husband was raised Catholic and as I stated, I was raised Baptist, and neither of us expected the other to convert – but we’ve had many, serious conversations about religion and the role it plays in our life together. Our wedding ceremony was religious but non-denominational, and both sides of the family respected that. Now, we’re searching for a church that we can attend together, since ultimately, at the heart of both denominations you have Christianity. 

Please don’t further attempt to force conversion on him, and please have some serious conversations about this issue. it’s called compromise, and the engagement period is the time where you can learn how to do that.

Good luck.

Post # 10
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I converted to Judaism for my hubs (and myself, before anyone jumps on that!) but it was something we talked about from the beginning of our relationship.  Seriously, it came up on the SECOND date.  It’s a really big, really important talk that you need to have before you get married.  While you can’t expect him to convert or demand that he does, you have to be really honest about whether or not it’s a dealbreaker for you. 

My now husband told me it was important to him.  Really important.  I knew that from the start of our relationship and was able to figure out how important it was to me and if it was something I could do (obviously I could).  But all along it was MY choice, I was never forced into it and that’s made a world of difference in building our spiritual life together. 

Post # 11
Member
1980 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

What is MUD?

Post # 12
Member
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

This is the easiest question ever- you don’t. You got married knowing he was baptist, he’s strong in his belief system- why don’t you change?

You can’t ask him to do something you’re unwilling to do yourself.

Post # 13
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I should chime in just a bit since I know so well what you’re going through.  My ex was Catholic and extremely religious while I am a Buddhist.  He stated many times he wanted me to conver to Catholicism and knowing very well I would not be doing it on my own free will, I told him I wouldn’t.  He became an ex..bitterly but it was for the best.

And as luck would have it, my fiance is also a religious Catholic!  He was baptized catholic but raised in Buddhist household leaving him a little more open.  When we started dating, we discussed it to death, ex. what to raise our kids and how to get married (I’m surprised things got anywhere with us but I didn’t want to make the same mistake twice).  We agreed to disagreed and respect each other’s beliefs for what they are.

Point is, you don’t want to force religion on anyone… Your fiance was brought up with his sets of beliefs and you yours.  He might not belong to a church and go regularly like you do, doesn’t mean he doesn’t live or practice it in his everyday life. 

Post # 14
Member
583 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Maybe the OP is confused–the Catholic church doesn’t require both spouses to be Catholic. They do require you to promise to raise your children in the church, and you definitely need to bring that up and make it even more important than whether or not he converts.

I’ve dealt with this issue with my FI–I’m Catholic, he calls himself Deist. It bums me out that I can’t share the Eucharist with him. But I decided that what I really needed from him was a firm commitment that when we had kids and they were old enough to begin forming memories, we would go to church as a family every week. Until then, he can play xbox on Sunday mornings.

Figure out why this is important to you and see if you can make any compromises, like mine. I agree with the others who say you can’t make him convert. You can tell him it would make you happy if he did, but you have to follow that by saying that you’d still love him if he didn’t, and that has to be true.

Post # 15
Member
790 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I completely understand your point. My Fiance is Catholic and I am Christian. Up until we were very close to our wedding the difference never bothered me and we were together for 6 years. I started having really strong feelings about being in the same religion in order to make our marriage stronger and this is what I told my Fiance. It was by explaining to him that for us to be successful I felt like we needed to worship together, he has agreed to study with me in my religion. I don’t know if this will work for you – just wanted to share

Post # 16
Member
1032 posts
Bumble bee

My fiance was raised Catholic, I am Catholic, however he started going to Baptist Church before I met him because he felt it was a better weekly service. While we were still dating I told him that we would not last if he expected me to go to Baptist Church weekly, but I told him I would go to his Baptist Bible Study and do community service through the Baptist Church as long as we go to Catholic Mass weekly. Mary is very important to me, so he knows there is a solid difference between the theology of the two that required compromise, and this is one that we reached. Maybe there is something you can find like this where you both participate in each other’s church? Not either-or but instead both-together?

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