(Closed) How do I get over this? Any advice?

posted 8 years ago in LGBTQ
Post # 17
Member
4044 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Well, here’s the thing. I grew up in a very conservative, sheltered Christian church where being gay is a sin. Then in high school I actually met people who were gay. At first I was really conflicted because I felt sorry for them, and prayed for them, but eventually I realized I needed to change my attitude, that I was the one with the issue. Now they are still some of my very best friends and I’m so glad I had the chance to change.

When you are in a church like that, and have really strong beliefs, it can take a while to change, if you change at all. I think the fact that they could have a civil discussion is at least a step in the right direction. I don’t know if it’s better that they told you the truth (rather than having you suspect it) or if they had kept their mouths shut.

I think you are right to distance yourselves. Hopefully one day they will come around and realize they should be accepting and supportive and the loving close knit family you deserve. But until then it might be better to just stand outside and hope/pray for the best!

Post # 20
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@ bellagio:  I still am completely blown away when bigotry and hatred so boldly show themselves.  My Fiance repeatedly says “I can’t believe people are still homosexuals!” And she is literally stumped.  We had one very outspoken homophobe cousin who RSVP’s no through my adorable aunt.  To those people, I say f#[email protected] you and the KKK horse you rode in on!  It took me a LONG time to find the right person, and to do that I had to discover who I really was.  For anyone to not respect the very difficult journey we have to take in life is a slap in the face.  It shouldn’t matter if we are different sexual orientations, religions, skin colors, etc.  Most of us who aren’t straight white men struggle with being “different”, and sometimes on a daily basis.  That kind of lifelong fight has GOT to be recognized.  I believe you did the right thing in expressing your opinion and giving the in-laws a chance to speak their mind as well.  I agree with some other posts that we should just pray for their hearts and minds to be opened.  Think about it: people like that are living in a box.  A dark, dark box.  What would that be like, to never be able to open the lid and suffocate inside your tiny idea of the world?  Many blessings, Date Twin.  

Post # 21
Bee
1466 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Father\'s Vineyard Church/ A Touch of Class Banquet Center

I get so sad when I hear people say these kinds of things. I am a Christian, but I would never, EVER say that to anyone. I don’t even think it. It’s not my place to judge anyone, and I for one, believe that being gay is not a choice. It’s who they are. I didn’t ask to be straight, I just am. God brought me my partner in life, and it just happened to be a man, just like God brought you yours and it just happened to be a woman. Jesus loved everyone, and it was his greatest command that we love each other without judgement. I’m so sick of “Christians” claiming to be as such, but only showing that kind of love to people who they deem as okay to have it. If you are a Christian, you will love without judgement. I love all no matter the choices that they make (and I’m not saying that being Gay is a choice), I love those who are broken like myself. I would remind her that while she believes that what you are doing is sinful, she herself is not without sin and shouldn’t be judging. I’m so sorry you are going through this 🙁

Post # 22
Member
1623 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Here is one thing my deacon said to a group of people using the Bible against a homosexual person on campus (he is also a professor). He simply said “Actually, Jesus says nothing about being gay. Its no where in the New Testament.” Which is what Christianity is based off of, if it weren’t these people would be Jewish.  Not all Christians are like this I promise. I’m not even really a Christian, my views are pretty far off beat from what they believe but I do go to a Catholic church (mainly because of the deacon being as accepting as he is) so there are some good ones who are accepting.

And the Bible is not fact (sorry my belief) its a damn allegory. Something to be learned from (which clearly is not happening) not something to hold as 100% truth (if it were 100% truth half of the books wouldn’t be missing from most copies, would they?)

Don’t let people like this get you down; relish in the fact that you are a better person because you would never do this to someone.

Someone on here posted a quote I LOVE and my deacon has said something similar: “When you die, God does not ask you about the sins of your neighbor. He asks you “How have you treated my children?””

Keep your head up. I know it is hard, but you have a woman that loves you and supports you and other people in your life that love and support you (and bees who support you as well). While it hurts not to have these people around because of their bigotry, it would hurt more to keep them around. I hope everything goes well with you two. And just remember, you are the better person. You wont cause pain like this to someone. You and your Fiance deserve a happy marriage and I truly hope it comes to you. If they don’t come to the wedding forget them. They don’t deserve to be in your lives.

One more quote “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Don’t let anyone make you feel bad, don’t let anyone take your happiness away. Your happiness is one of the few things in this world that is yours. Don’t let someone who does not deserve it take it away.

 

Sorry this is long and rambling, but these issues make me angry and I want to go and do awful things to even more awful people.

Post # 24
Member
3316 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

The funny thing is, I grew up in a town that was so heavily Christian fundamentalist that when one teacher asked how many believed in evolution, only half the class raised their hands.  Yet I never heard the degree of intolerance that I hear of from “Christians” today.  So I wondered for a long time whether the people I grew up with were more intolerant than I knew.  However, I’ve recently been friended on Facebook by a bunch of my old school mates.  And not a single one of them has had anything negative to say about my marriage–even though they are still Christian fundamentalists.  In fact, several have made positive comments about my wedding pictures, or supportive comments about the difficulties I’ve faced in being able to marry my wife.

And it strikes me that the issue is that the people I grew up with considered Christianity a guide to how they should live their own lives–not as to how they should lecture other people.  They really do believe that “let he who is without sin cast the first stone,” and not being perfect themselves, think they should focus on that rather than trying to root out other people’s “sins.”

I’m not a Christian myself, but there clearly are decent Christians out there.  However, you tend not to hear as much about them.  They are the ones out there helping the homeless, the sick, and the poor, often without even mentioning that it is their religion that motivates them–not the ones loudly proclaiming their Christianity in order to beat others round the head with it.

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