(Closed) How do I get the wedding of my dreams when my mom has all the control? (long)

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
5475 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

How do I get the wedding of my dreams when my mom has all the control?

^^ Short, sweet answer to that question:  Pay for your own wedding, and don’t ask for her advice/input/opinions.  You can have a gorgeous budget wedding.  You can cut the list (if possible), have it in a public park or recreation center, serve a brunch or lunch meal instead of dinner, etc- the list goes on!  YOU get the wedding YOU want when YOU pay for it… it’s sad but true:  money comes with strings :/

Post # 5
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Neetch:  

Elope.

It may not be the wedding of your dreams, but neither is this one, and you’ll have a lot more say. I hear Vegas is very reasonable. 🙂 

Post # 7
Member
278 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Neetch:

  • Pay for it yourself and love your wedding.
  • Elope, love your wedding, but have family upset at you for a short time.
  • Let your mother plan it and hate your wedding.

Family is important, but not if for the rest of your life you’re going to resent them for ruining your big day?

Post # 8
Member
3580 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Neetch:  You sit her down and say ‘is this money a gift or are you going to control everything about planning?’ Be blunt.  I remember when I was in my early 20’s and finally just had to cut my mom off because she still felt she could control my life.  We didn’t talk for SIX MONTHS.  This was crazy for us because we were pretty close.  Now we’re totally fine and she handed me a check for my wedding and didn’t insist on much of anything other than photgraphy (I’ll get to that in my recap).  You’re about to get married.  It’s time to start sticking up for yourself and telling her to back off. 

Or elope.

Post # 9
Member
5475 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Could you perhaps get married on your own (either elope or do a small, intimate JOP/courthouse wedding) then let your parents throw a marriage celebration party?  You get the wedding you want with no strings, and she still gets to throw her big party?

Post # 10
Member
6742 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

Here are your options:

  • Pay for your own wedding
  • Elope
  • Elope/JOP/Postpone until you can pay for your own wedding
  • Change the idea of your dream wedding to the one your mom will throw for you that is completely paid for, that won’t put you into any debt and that will leave financial room for you to spend money on something else that is your dream (house? honeymoon? etc)

Sorry, but if she’s paying, she has every right to do it her way and there’s nothing you can do except go bridezilla and fight her every step of the way – but it doesn’t sound like she’ll give in and it sounds like if you do that, you’re in for a really miserable year. 

 

Post # 11
Member
531 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Neetch:  I’m just not sure how to handle this really, and not look like a bitch for asking for what I want.

Very weird what I just typed disappeared.  I was just going to stay its time for bitch mode. You may regret eloping but you’ll surely regret not putting your foot down.

Post # 13
Member
944 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I don’t know how old you and your Fiance are, but I would postpone the wedding and pay for it yourselves, or elope. She sounds like a control freak – planning a wedding on your own is stressful enough, I can’t imagine having someone telling you what to do all the time, it’s not fair to you or your Fiance.

Post # 16
Member
6742 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

@Neetch:  I know how you feel b/c my parents are the same way.  Parents think they know best and since you know it’s coming from a good place, it’s hard to be a bitch. 

Personally, my Fiance and I are planning on paying for our own wedding entirely. 

If we weren’t going to be paying for it ourselves and one of our parents was going to throw us a wedding essentially, then I would just let them and the only thing I’d make a big fuss about was my appearance (dress, hair, makeup, jewelry, bridesmaids dresses, groomsmen tuxes, etc) and if I had to pay for it myself, I would.  Essentially, I would just show up and enjoy my wedding. 

If there are things you really want at your wedding – certain decor or whatever – then find a way to pay for it yourself and incorporate it. 

Other than that – if someone were throwing me a wedding, I would just give my opinion about what I want, but understand it’s probably not what I’ll get, hope for the best, and sit back and enjoy not having to do any planning for a change. 

In the future, you can always do a vow renewal.  And, the most important part of the day is the fact that you and your Fiance are getting married. 

Sit back and enjoy a stress-free year and enjoy the party someone is throwing you in your honor.  If you think of it that way, you might actually enjoy it. 

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