Post # 1
Its been awhile since I wrote. I recently just got engaged and everything was great and then all of a sudden it just wasn’t anymore. The day after we told his parents who responded by saying nothing we started arguing. He recently went the the doctor and has depression for longer than a couple of years for leaving the Mennonites and some things he went through when he was a Mennonite. The problem is he blames me for everything. I have insecurities and trust issues but I have always trusted him because he always showed me that he loved me and the I was his world. The other day he told me he was burnt out and tired and he needs to
fill up his cup before he can give back to me. Just really confusing. I have never cheated on him, never lied, tried to be the best I can and I realize I got angry and scared, and controlling sometimes because of my insecurities and trust issues. The thing is when we got engaged they all went away and then he started going a little crazy, driving really fast, drinking, leaving without saying anything, and the most hurtful masterbating to porn which makes me feel like I am insignificant and ugly in his mind. I am just really hurt and confused. He got a new job and will be gone 5 days a week. He said last night that it was probably better that we miss each other because it will help our issues. I need some advice, I am on the brink of tears all the time and I just want to be married. He says that he loves me and I am the one and that he would be lost without me but I just dont feel loved. Any advice !
Post # 3
Are you also Mennonite? That could be the crux, my Mother-In-Law family come from Mennonites, though I don’t know a whole lot about them. I do know pretty similar in ways of Amish and it could be he is feeling a loss of his culture?
Post # 4
@krathman: +1, Sassygrn! Yes he may be dealing with the loss of his culture, his way of being and the only way of being with which he grew up. This may even be an identity crisis for him, a feeling that he has completely lost himself.
It sounds to me like couples counseling could be very helpful to the two of you. I’m not really sure what you should do in your situation but if I were you I would deal with this sooner rather than later. It sounds like you could be really happy together but maybe have some things to work out. A couples counseling environment would provide you with the space to discuss your feelings about what is going on and safely find out what is going on with him.
Post # 5
No I am not Mennonite and I have tried to be understanding and he goes to a counselor, just really hard when he hurts me and makes me feel like I am all the problem just really sad and lost ! He hates the Mennonites and has so much anger and takes it out on me whether I deserve it or not
Post # 6
I think he needs to work out his issues with his background before he can properly concentrate on having a healthy relationship with you. If this means some time apart then, sadly, this might be better for you as well as him. It isn’t your fault that he can’t reconcile his past but you don’t have to stick around to bear the brunt of his anger.
Post # 7
Ya your probably right ! Thanks for your advice !