- 6 years ago
My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 years (well 8 years this January), but have know eachother since we were 9…I’m turning 26 this month (he’s a few months older than me). We come from two different worlds…he grew up having to take care of himself when his parents split when he was 12 (mom and stepdad…real dad was never in his life) and my parents have been there and seen me through everything, still happily married! His parents are plain selfish…taking advantage of him every second they get…making him feel like he has to take care of them because of who they are to him (like he owes them something because of it)!
From the beginning of our relationship I have taken on so many “wife” and “mom” responsibilities becase of the fact that his parents are never there for him. We’ve been through alot together too…a DUI and a few other incidents regarding him getting himself into trouble, but I stood by him through everything regardless of what he did or what my family said…even when some of his family wasn’t there! I just don’t feel that when it comes down to it…he’ll have my back in the same way??? Like his parents do no wrong, even though they’ve done wrong his whole life…and he even says this!
A little about his mommy issues:-
His mom plays the innocent card and believes she’s a great mom…I don’t know what’s going on his life (when she does) and doesn’t say anything to him so I always look like the monster trying to push him in the right direction. She still blames him for choosing to live with his stepdad at 12 years old (spiteful much?) rather than living with her and the man she left his stepdad for…and for making his own choices in life (at 12 really…who knows better??)! She is always telling everyone she puts her kids first when she never has (even when they were younger…they both tell me she was not a very good mom)…the few times I’ve seen her do things for them…she’s doing something out of spite to her current husband or if she knows people in the family will be talking about it, she wants them to know she was there for her children (ex. everytime we went to court for the DUI with my bf, she talked about how she doesn’t care what her cousin thinks…but who cared about that or was ever talking about it???) As well, there relationship just seems so fake they say one thing behind each others backs and then are best friends to eachothers face…it’s sad to say that I know my bf would do anything for her and she wouldn’t do the same for him…but will say she will because it’s easy to say you would right?! My bf came into some money a few years ago and I think that’s why she treats him so good to because she knows he’s her next out when she tries to leave her current husband??? He has a younger sister too that’s lived with the mom her whole life and gets treated not so nice…called horrible names and never gets any encouragement…just put down a lot! She gets in trouble for the stupidest things and is constantly nagged by her mother about things that don’t matter. My boyfriend who has done wrong doesn’t get that treatment and out of the two of them has done way worst things and nothing is said to him…and she just says “well I don’t see him everyday”? SO does that excuse the fact your his mom??? Why is she like this and why does my boyfriend cater to her? Why do I always look like the monster when I’ve done everything I can possibly do for him? His younger sister can even see all the flaws…why is he selective about when he does and doesn’t?
A little about his real dad:-
His dad came in out of his life since he was a little kid, but probably spent no more than a few months in it every 6 years if that! When we were 19 he came back in it full force to the point that my bf was spending all his time with this man and totally neglecting everyone else including his stepdad (man who rasied him) when they were having some issues. And I get it…he was curious to see who this man was and to get to know the man that looked like his older twin! But everyday was a little too fast and then within a couple of months he was asking my bf to move in with him and his wife. I didn’t think it was a good idea and neither did anyone else. After 4 months of hanging out with him almost every day my bf gets the DUI in a work truck that belonged to his real dad’s friend. He was so furious, that him or his wife wouldn’t go and pick the poor guy up at the jail station after spending the night…so of course I took the day off school and work with my mom’s car to go pick him up! Drove him to his real dad’s house and he kicked us out because he was so angry that my bf lied and said he didn’t drink while being interrogated by these strangers about his life within those first 4 months! The week after that I was getting phone calls from his wife asking me why my bf lied (like that was their only concern??? that he lied…he was a 19 year old boy what do you expect??) so I kept telling her…”you guys are strangers to him and he doesn’t even tell his mom everything so you can’t expect him to just open up so quickly”…then finally after giving her this answer like 7 times I said “You know what…no offence (in a calm nice voice)…but you haven’t been in his life for the last 20 years you can’t expect him to just open up to you…like what do you expect?” Obviously this made her furious like as if I had said something wrong, like as if I hadn’t been there a good chunk of his life and didn’t know him better than everyone that should have known him better than me (his parents)! My boyfriends father didn’t call him for months…until 9 months later when him and his wife had a baby girl…go figure?! 5 years later…they started hanging out again…and same story all my bf wants to do is with them and doesn’t blame them for “hating” me because “I should have never said what I said” (his words exactly)…even though I was totally defending him! It’s so bad that on his birthday he chose to spend the day with them and not me…and not even invite me???
Yes I’m crazy sometimes like a normal girlfriend who cares I just want time and to be treated with respect and loved as much as I love him! It’s like we’re husband and wife sometimes the way we act and we’ve practically lived together our whole relationship living out of each others houses for weeks/months at a time! I want to move in together, get married and have a family and seriously thought we were there until May of this year when this man came back into his life? Now he doesn’t want to live with me or do anything anytime soon? How come he always pushes me away when I’ve done so many good things? And how do I stop myself from getting frustrated and throwing it in his face? Why does he try so hard to please the selfish people that never tried hard to please him or rejected him for a good porton of his life(pretty much)? My mom and friends see this and how hurt I am by it knowing more history about our relationship and all the things I do and have done for him!…and will do before any of his parents lift a finger!
I’m not ready to end this because when it’s good it’s great and when we’re actually on the same page it’s fantastic!
And I know family is suppose to come first, but when do you start making yourself and your gf happy before worrying about what your fam wants or thinks? I think if you don’t know after 8 years what you want that’s crazy and considering we’ve been life long friends and have a history of “boyfriend and girlfriend” since we were 12!
Please help! You can totally tell me the truth and if I’m being crazy!