Post # 1
I’m going to try to be as concise as possible.
The person doing my photos, Sally, is a friend of mine who is doing them as a huge favour to me. Sally is the ex of a friend of mine Al. Al is really only my friend because he is part of the same 6 people from university who get together on a weekly basis. Al and I have had our difficulties in the past, but I choose to ignore it for the benefit of the group.
When Al and Sally were together, Sally got pregnant … and Al pressured her into changing that situation, and she did. It is a decision she has never fully come to terms with, and he stopped speaking to her afterwards.
Sally and I just found out that Al has gotten his current girlfriend (who was never going to be invited to the wedding) pregnant, and they are keeping the baby.
Sally is really upset. And I fully support her in why she would be hurt. As such, I have decided that I am going to no longer invite Al (invitations are going out shortly, I’ve previously contacted Al for his mailing address). I am not inviting him because it wouldn’t be fair to Sally, and as she is doing me this favour, and I want her to be able to focus on the photography, and because I am not close to Al to begin with.
Now, the question is … what do I do with Al. Do I just not send him an invitation and let him approach me if he wants to know why. Or do I explain it to him ahead of time. I’m just worried that if I make a big deal of this, Al will just get pissed … but I don’t know. Al is not the only one out of the group who is not being invited, though I originally intended to (and I only originally intended to because I felt I had to … but if it is between Sally doing my pictures and Al attending, I’m more than okay and slightly relieved Al won’t attend).
Post # 3
I would just not send him an invitation. If he asks where his invitation is, just say that you couldn’t invite him due to space constraints. Only tell him the real reason if he presses you and he should have enough tact not to do that.
Post # 4
Ah, that sucks for Sally! The decision sounds easy to me! I’d just not invite him and let him ask you. If he does, be honest.
Post # 5
don’t invite him. i doubt he will need to ask why.
Post # 6
If you have at all frequent contact with him (1-2 times a month-ish) it may be helpful for you down the line to be straightforward and upfront. That could be done in a manner that doesn’t have to be insulting to him per se…saying Sally would be uncomfortable with your presence, and because she’s been so helpful to me, I want to respect her feelings.
If you don’t have much contact with him, I’d say just don’t send an invite and let him seek you out. And, if he does, give the same response.
Post # 7
I would just not send the invitation. If he asks fine, then you can explain however you see fit. But, in my opinion, you don’t owe anyone explanation as to why they aren’t invited.
Post # 8
I agree with the PPs. Don’t need to invite him and don’t need to explain why you didn’t either. He’ll probably know why once he finds out that Sally is planning on attending the wedding.
Post # 9
Thanks everyone for their advice.
@judithsr … I do see him, every week, a group of us play dnd. But out of the 6 of us who play, I am only inviting two, maybe a third … so he won’t be the only one I’m not inviting.
I just really am worried that he isn’t going to care one way or another, but if I approach him about it … he’ll get his guard up. So I do think I’m just going to not send an invite and if he asks, I’ll be honest … and hope he understands.
Post # 10
I would say not to approach him. I just wouldn’t send him an invite. To me, this is an easy decision, and an honorable one you’re making for your friend. I commend you for that…and I think the easiest way for him to know he isn’t invited is not to get an invitation!
Post # 11
I say just don’t invite him, and don’t bring it up. Maybe also tell your mutual friends to not bring up the wedding in front of him, to prevent any awkwardness there. Odds are he’ll be smart enough to figure out why he’s not invited, but if he asks, just give a generic answer about space or budget. Like JamaicaBride said, you don’t owe anyone an explanation.
Post # 12
Don’t invite him. You can send him a wedding announcement after you’re married (so you can say that’s why you needed his address).