(Closed) How do I handle these bridesmaid issues without hurting feelings??

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 4
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I would tell your Maid/Matron of Honor that you’re really flattered that her mom wants to be there, but you just don’t have any spare seats for non-guests. I mean, her mom is going to be able to see photos after the fact. Plus you mentioned she’s 42, she’s not a child, she doesn’t need her mom to be by her side 24/7. It sounds like you need to be really firm with her that this is your guest list for your wedding guests. It’s not a campfire sing along here.

As far as the dresses go, I’m a bit confused. You want the girls to wear black, and look pretty when they stand in a row. I get that. You also said they can choose their own dresses. It’s too bad that you SIL bought her dress on her own rather than waiting for your shopping trip, but if it’s a nice dress, what’s the problem? Ask her to still join you on the trip for the comradery part, but I don’t understand why you would ask her to buy a new dress. It’s not difficult to coordinate black dresses, and you can’t expect someone who’s a size 2 to look good in the same dress as a girl who’s a size 18 (and vice versa). Different body types and styles mean different dresses which you said so yourself. 

All my Bridesmaid or Best Man were different sizes, from a 4 to a 24. They all wore different dresses in different shades of blue that fit in their various price points. One Bridesmaid or Best Man wore a $25 dress, one wore a $250 dress. So long as they all felt gorgeous I was happy! (3 of 6 of my girls are below)

Post # 5
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I am not too far into wedding planning so I don’t really have advice on guest list issues. Sorry, it sounds like it has been stressful for you! I agree with the previous post, she is an adult and you should be able to explain to her that you have no space in your guestlist. You can say you will not have ceremony attendees that are “not permitted” to the reception and that you do not feel comfortable inviting people you do not have room for in the reception. You could also mention how you have family that you were unable to invite and if you could include more people you would (then it does not look personal). Maybe you could ask if she would like a few quick shots done by the photographer by herself? She could have a few keepsakes of her all dressed up and share them with her Mom later.

As far as the dresses go, I am also having black bridesmaid dresses. Aside from our wedding theme being black and white, black is just the classic color to flatter! I think as long as all of the dresses are black, they will blend very well. I like the idea of each bridesmaid picking the dress they feel most comfortable in and the variety really gives the wedding party more personality. I used to want the sex and the city style wedding party! (bridesmaid with different bold colors). Go with what you feel is right though (it is your wedding!) and Good luck!! 🙂

Post # 7
514 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Sometimes we are so careful with how we word things that it gives people to opportunity not to listen. You have to be firm with you Maid/Matron of Honor and just tell her you will have pictures for her mom to see but you are not ok with having any guests attend the ceremony or any part of the day that are not invited. You are sorry that she went ahead of invited her mom without speaking to you first but shes going to have to explain to her mom that it was a misunderstanding.

As for the dresses, if you are letting them pick their own dress, you SIL was wrong for not waiting but if she got what you asked then let it go.

Post # 8
64 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Don’t know if you sent out your invitations yet but you could to a rsvp with pre printet names on them, that way it is plain as daylight who is invited and who isn’t. It might be a bit tacky but we’re having a small wedding and only room for about 60 persons in our venue. Therefor i could not risk people showing up with a pluss one. Even my bridesmaids and our closest friend (that have a significant other that we don’t know very well) is invitated alone.

My uncle’s girlfriend sort of invited herself i i was really frustrated since she ended up beeing the one that needs to be sitting on an extra chair witch there really isn’t room for. I know we’re supposed to invite couples but when we have limited space we were only going for our closest relatives and friends (and to be honest, my Fiance haven’t even met her or my uncle).

Just a thougt. Hope it can be of some use.

Post # 9
74 posts
Worker bee

The first part is like that episode of Friends when Joey wanted his parents there. Now my parents were invited guests to my BFs wedding but we have been friends for 15 years and she knows them…your Maid/Matron of Honor is being ridiculous thinking her mom is coming.

As for SIL I don’t really see the issue either, you said black dress that they pick…I don’t see 2 black dresses not in some way coordinating!

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