Post # 1
Okay… I’m a size 18 white Canadian girl, who is getting married in Jamaica wearing a pretty chiffon empire wasted dress (Aspen by Maggie Sottero)
Here is my predicament: My dad has invited a few of his business associates to the wedding (which I’m fine with). On of his associates is from China, and upon hearing I was getting married, insisted that he provide me with a wedding dress as a gift. He explained to my dad that dresses in China are much cheaper than in Canada. My dad thanked him and politely declined.
He received an e-mail today from this associate asking that he forward this picture to me and ask if I like it to wear after the ceremony to the reception.
It’s lovely, but it’s definetely not something I want to wear. It has no cultural significance to me, and I REALLY LOVE M.Y. dress, I want to wear it. How do I not offend this guy? I don’t want to mess things up for my dad re: his business dealings with this man. ALSO… can we even get it in a size 18? I’m not sure that’s possible?
Post # 3
I have no advice to add, but wow…. that’s and interesting situation!
Post # 4
Wow, that is difficult. Really really difficult. I think your dad should explain to the associate that it’s part of your cultural sensibilities to wear a white dress all day, and that selecting a dress is a huge part of the tradition for Western brides (maybe add your mum to this to). Whilst you are very flattered by his offer, that perhaps if he wants to contribute to the day itself, he could pay for some flowers for the reception, or send a case of champagne?
People are usually pretty good if they’re told that what they’re doing is very far from cultural norms – perhaps your dad should explain that it would be very hurtful/disrespectful to your mother if you didn’t wear the dress she helped you choose for the whole day? (I don’t know if that’s true, but it sounds plausible!)
Post # 5
Hmmm…. I’d have your dad handle it. Do you think you can get away with saying it is too hot? Or that it is an American tradition to wear the same white dress during the reception and ceremony?
Post # 6
Oh dear, I love seeing these dresses at receptions, but they are normally worn by women who have some sort of cultural tie to the traditional outfit! If one of my caucasian friends wore one of these to her wedding, and she wasn’t marrying into a asian culture, I would be totally weirded out!
I have no advice on how to handle this. Perhaps your dad could explain that in your family the bride tradtionally wears white the whole day? And that his generosity is very much appriciated, but you are all set for wedding garments.
Post # 7
I actually don’t think you have to go as far as giving an explanation on cultural norms, etc. You already have a dress! Can your dad just politely thank him and say something along the lines of, “thank you so much for your kind offer but prettylizy already has a dress that she plans on wearing throughout the entire wedding.” I don’t think that’s offensive at all. I think he’s being rather pushy being that your dad has already politely declined his offer. Hope this works out!
Post # 8
ooh this is a different one. i agree that your dad has to make up some kind of excuse that you have to wear your dress the whole day as it is YOUR tradition and culture to do so.. such a nice gesture but how awkward!
Post # 9
It is awkward right?
I’m going to forward some of your ideas on to my dad as suggestions on how to approach this. We really don’t want to offend him, that’s the major concern. I have a friend who majored in International Business and spent 2 years in business school in Singapoor, so I’ve e-mailed her asking the best way to address this without offending him.
Thanks for the help Bees!
Post # 10
JUST SAY NO! That is the only way to go. Habe your father explain that in our culture giving the bride clothes to wear on the day of is unheard of and you really want to wear YOUR dress!!
Post # 11
I don’t honestly think it’s a big deal. Just say that you have your dress for the wedding AND reception, but thank you!
Post # 12
Have your dad thank him for his generosity, but have him tell him that after speaking with you, he found out that you already have your entire wedding day attire.
Post # 13
I just had to post an update to this thread, thank you all for your advice. My dad ended up talking to him, and explained that it would dishonor my mother if I didn’t wear the dress she bought me on my wedding day. He was very understanding, and instead sent me this gift…. a beautiful hand knotted pearl necklace!!! Go figure!!!
I’d say I lucked out big time here!!!!!!