(Closed) How do I handle this situation with FMIL? (rant)

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
989 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Just say, “So sorry I won’t be able to make the blah-blah on blah-blah date.  My mom and sister are visiting to go wedding dress shopping.”  She’s already been invited and knows what you’re doing that day, so you’re really just giving her a reminder.

I don’t think there’s any need to make a big announcement about not making every family function, just make efforts to come to what you can and if you can’t, just politely decline and let them know you’re looking forward to the next event.  If it does warrant discussion, that should really be your FI’s job – his family will take it a lot better if it’s coming from him rather than you.

Post # 4
Member
4770 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

How about you say “I have something planned that day, could you move it?” That sounds about right.

 

 

 

Post # 5
Member
747 posts
Busy bee

I think you should just say something along the lines of what you wrote in your post – “it’s not a big deal if you can’t come, there will be other wedding-related things you can come with me for!  I’ll let you know!  :)”  

For the future, maybe come up with a tagline, so to speak: “We can’t make it, but we’ll be there in spirit!  See you in a couple months for ___!”  If you act casual, she’ll have to follow suit (after she gets all her huffiness out).  Some families are just like that and you need to set the tone for your new family starting, like, now.  🙂

Post # 6
Member
9668 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

@DaisyBelle:  +1

Make the Future Sister-In-Law understand the bridal appointment is the date you chose, your wedding related events do not have to revolve around your FI’s family’s schedule. Make it VERY clear that you are having your appointment on that date and if that date doesn’t work for Future Sister-In-Law & Future Mother-In-Law too bad so sad, you’re not changing it.

Post # 8
Member
11233 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I like your response. It’s simple and direct; I find that being direct is often the best way to communicate and avoid misunderstandings.

Post # 9
Member
9668 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

@Meant2Bee:  I think that is a great response 🙂

Post # 10
Member
7649 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Meant2Bee:  My love, I could have written this post. My Mother-In-Law is someone that holds family functions near and dear to her heart.

For instance: DH’s great grandma passed away this last week. We went down Sat. for the viewing and Mother-In-Law hanged on him and said, “Can’t you guys stay up here with us?” Darling Husband said no. She said, “Don’t you want to spend time with your family?” We told her we can NOT stay up there for three days and let our house just sit there when there is a storm coming.

I totally get where you are coming from. Just tell her that you can’t make it work. If things ever get too bad, you need to have Darling Husband help you out. That’s the only way I’ve been able to make it through to my in laws sometimes.

[Edit] I see your recent post. Short and to the point. Great job!

Post # 11
Member
2474 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I would write back that you “got the email with the events, however; on ______ day I already have plans so can you move it? It’s that previously booked appointment that I actually already told you about that my mother and sister are also going to be there for. Hopefully you guys can make it, but this is something really important that they need to be with me for, so unfortunatly I cant rearrange that. If not, i’ll see you at the next event”

 

 

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