(Closed) How do I handle this situation?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
5263 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think you need to confront her. She’s just behaving oddly and inconsiderately. Kindly tell her that if she is not enough of a friend to be honest with you and give you a half an hour to sit down together, that she should rethink attending the wedding. I’ve never heard of anyone acting that way…

Post # 4
Member
1237 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Tell her how what she is doing is making you feel and say that you don’t want to lose her as a friend. Recognize that this behavior is obviously indicating that something is very wrong, and tell her that you’re concerned about her. I definitely wouldn’t go into a conversation making demands that she tell you what’s up or by telling her that she’s being rude or crazy, even if that’s what you think. If you really want to repair the friendship, which it sounds like you do, you have to try to remind her that you are her friend and you care about her. And good luck, this sounds like a really tough situation.

Post # 6
Member
292 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

There must have been a GROSS misunderstanding. I cannot fathom her acting this way for no reason. Maybe she heard something and is really upset about it, even though you clearly didn’t do anything. I suggest just confronting her, telling her that you’re just confused and hurt, and that you deserve an explanation. Even if you guys end up parting for good, you ALWAYS deserve an explanation.

Post # 7
Bee
12087 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2009 - Barr Mansion

That’s crazy!  I agree with everyone who says you should confront her.  IF she tries to put you off, be strong–let her know that you need an explanation so that you can move on.  Maybe work isn’t the best place to do this.  Any way you could talk to her at the end of the day and ask her to talk with you outside or go to a neutral location together?  You deserve at the very least an explanation.  And you definitely shouldn’t keep her in the wedding if she is treating you like this.  Good luck!  I hope you figure things out.

Post # 9
Bee
12087 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2009 - Barr Mansion

I wouldn’t worry too much about it affecting your job.  Just be sure that if/when you approach her you do it respsectfully and try not to get too emotional.  I think you owe it to yourself to try to get an explanation out of her.  And if she tries to sabotage you at work, you should go to your boss or to someone in HR and explain the situation.  As long as you conduct yourself professionally, I don’t think you should have anything to worry about.

Post # 10
Member
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I agree with your therapist.  There is no excuse.  She is playing some sort of witchy game with you.  I would not ask her for any explainations or try to talk to her on any subject other than work.  You should also send her an email or letter letting her know that she no longer has a role in your wedding and is not welcome to attend any of the parties leading up to it.

Post # 11
Member
4567 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Um, that’s absolutely insane. And I think your therapist is right, you don’t need her around. And it’s more than strange that she’s responded yes to al those RSVPs… I just think its so WEIRD. I’d confront her about it, totally.

Post # 13
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@smokepipe- This situation sucks! I’m sorry. I am wondering why she RSVP’d for everything. I think you need to make her talk to you and get to the root of the problem. If you feel it’s unresolved and she doesn’t start treating you the same then you should ask her to step down from the singing/reading at your wedding. If she is really mad at something you don’t want her to screw you over and not show up or cause a scene.

Post # 14
Member
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

I think you need to talk to her face to face.  I would just stop by her desk at work and tell her in a very professional and polite manner that you need to speak with her when her workday has ended and that it cannot wait until tomorrow.  If she asks what it is regarding tell her personal matters, that you don’t want to interrupt her workday, but you HAVE to speak to her after work IN PERSON.

Now she has a choice to talk to you or not.  If she chooses not to, then send her a reverse invitation, that is send her a note saying that you are sorry that you have chosen not to invite her to the bach. party or the wedding, but that you hope you can continue to interact as coworkers.  That sends a message that you too are blowing her off outside of work.

If she chooses to show up, then you can ask her what is going on.  Tell her that you are concerned about her part in your wedding when she is giving you the cold shoulder.  It gives her the opportunity to graciously back out of the wedding.  You should avoid kicking someone out of a wedding, but them backing out is a different matter altogether.

Sounds to me like she heard or saw you do something she took GREAT offense to and thinks you know exactly what you did.  At least give her the chance to air it out, but if she won’t, waste no more emotional time on her.  She’s not worth the stress.

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