(Closed) How do I handle this without being mean/rude to my BM?

posted 8 years ago in Beauty
Post # 2
814 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I know what you’re saying, but I really feel like this is going above and beyond your station. I’m absolutely certain that she is aware of her excess body hair, but for whatever reason she decides to keep it.

I’ll admit I have a bit of a monobrow. I try to keep it somewhat neat and tidy, but sometimes I forget or can’t be bothered to pluck it all out. Luckily I have a fringe to hide it, but if a bride told me she wanted me to wax/shave/pluck any part of my body, I think I’d feel hurt.

She’s far more aware of how she looks than you think she is – we all are.

Post # 3
1746 posts
Bumble bee

You sound like an asshole, to be honest, so its only right that you should feel like one. 

Clearly the girl doesn’t care about what others think about her appearance. I am sure she is aware she has a mustache, just as she is aware shes got leg and armpit hair. And yet she leaves it…so just because it isnt up to what your standard of beauty is, doesn’t mean she has to change it if she is happy with her appearance. 

If you didnt want her and her mustache in your wedding, you shouldnt have asked her to be a bridesmaid

Post # 4
2407 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I bet the person who does her eyebrows will ask her if she wants her lip done too. I wouldn’t say anything to her though. 

Post # 5
6386 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

Hmm, this is probably a touchy subject so I’m not sure if there is a way to mention it casually.  Maybe offer to pay for any extra waxing that she might want to indulge in at the salon?

Post # 6
3273 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I’d be hurt if someone implied I was too hairy to be attractive enough for their wedding. Is her moustache truly going to be noticed in photos anyway? I mean, you don’t usually take close-ups of the maids’ lips.

Post # 7
5191 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

You don’t. You keep your assessment of her appearance to yourself unless she directly asks you. And you don;t ask her to change her physical appearance to conform to your standards of beauty just because you are getting married. Your wedding gives you absolutely zero right to dictate her body.

Post # 8
1846 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

View original reply
Anonymous_Bee20:  Annnnnd 1, 2…there it is.  I’m surprised it took 2 comments for you to get ripped a new one! 

Yikes, what a situation.  I totally understand where you’re coming from but there’s really nothing you can say.  And it’s true, the salon will probably suggest it while she’s getting her brows done (they ask me all the time and I DON’T HAVE A MUSTACHE!!)  That’s all you can hope for.  Then again, is there ANY chance she already plans on taking care of it for the wedding?  For instance, I don’t tan ever but went for a spray before my friend’s weddin on my own accord.  Who knows, maybe she’s surprise you!  (Optimism).    

Post # 9
1002 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

You don’t get to ask her to change her appearance for your wedding.  If you cannot accept her as is, you should ask her to step down. 


Post # 10
2202 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

I’m sure the person doing her wax will offer a mustache add-on during the process. Maybe she will take the woman up on it!

Post # 11
239 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Lead by example. When you go to get your eyebrows done, the salon people usually ask if you want your lip done too or your armpits or whatever… maybe you should say “Can I get my lip waxed too?….why don’t you go ahead and wax my chin too. dont want any stray hairs for the wedding!” (If you dont have any hair there, it won’t do anything….but she will see that other girls get those areas waxed and she might be more inclined to do it too if she sees that you are doing it)

Or sometimes I go in places and pre-pay for my friends to do things with me that I know they can’t afford, and I talk to the salon before hand to offer it as like a promotion or something. Like you could go in early to the salon and pre-pay for 2 lip waxes. Then when you two go into the salon later, they can say “Oh, and our promo for the day is for every eyebrow wax we are doing a free lip wax!” and then you can be like “oh, awesome! why not, if its free!!??!”…you know, to kind of make her thing its something they are doing that day and not just pointed towards her, ya know? And then you both get an eyebrow wax and an upper lip wax.


Post # 12
620 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

View original reply
Mrs.Sawyertobe:  I agree with you.  I believe the person doing the waxing will mention it. NOTE: I used to work in a salon and the staff was trained to do this.  It’s called “suggestion selling”.  Often the staff works on commission in a addition to an hourly wage.

If it dosen’t happen and her upper lip is really bothering you.  You could approach her with something like “Normally I don’t care about this kind of stuff.  But I was taking to the photographer and with these high quality digital pics really small details show up.  Therefore I’ve decided to have my “peach fuzz” and the sides of my face waxed, which I normally don’t bother with.  Would you mind if I asked you get get your upper lip waxed?  I know obessing (lol) but I just want everything to be perfect just on my big day”.  Make sure you offer to pay for the waxing.  It dosen’t sound rude to me.  Others opinion may differ.

Post # 13
619 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014 - 11/15/14-Vineyard

I think we all have our own thoughts and it sounds like you are trying to help to what you believe would be better. Have you tried talking to her about it? Ask her how she felt about it? Maybe you can have her in the room with you when you have yours done and then tell her it’s included in the package and be there when she has hers to hold her hand or something. She agreed to go, so that’s a start just getting her there. Maybe she just hasn’t had the opportunity to go or courage and with others there she will. 

Post # 14
12340 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

You don’t, sorry but you just sound self centered right now and just focused on your wedding.  The only reason you care now is b/c she’s a bm.  You know people make fun of her, but you never cared to ask if she wanted anything done before your wedding.  People made fun of her before that too right?  She’s aware and obviously just doesnt care or is over it and accepted herself, mustache, chin hair and all.  Pointing it out to her it pointless and mean.

  • This reply was modified 7 years, 8 months ago by pinkshoes.

The topic ‘How do I handle this without being mean/rude to my BM?’ is closed to new replies.

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