(Closed) How do I handle this without being mean/rude to my BM?

posted 8 years ago in Beauty
Post # 77
Member
260 posts
Helper bee

When you get to the place and they ask jokingly say: do it all! then take it from there. 

Post # 78
Member
702 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Everyone has their own opinion based on their circumstances and specific situations. Nobody really understands the relationship between yourself and your friend. So don’t let some of the comments get to you 🙂

In all honesty; I personally think a good friend is upfront and honest. Furthermore, being in the bridal party, there will be a lot of attention on her as well as you, and if I were you I wouldn’t want to hear snickers, comments, or even slightly longer than average stares from my guests either. The fact is, 12 years old or not, people do take a second glance if someone looks out of place. You don’t need to feel infuriated on your wedding day, and guilty for leaving her out to dry. 

If a friend of mine took me for a makeover, wax, hairstyle, hell even some much needed Botox on her dime, that would be pretty awesome. But that’s just me. I agree with a number of the other Bees here, call the salon ahead of time and ask them to recommend it. And cover the bill. Who knows, she may be ecstatic.

Post # 79
Member
30400 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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Anonymous_Bee20:  Kind of nice to have your regular username as a backup isn’t it? I doubt this one will last very long.

Post # 80
Member
30400 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
soon2bhitched:  

You have balls of steel for posting this because as I was reading the post, I was cringing at the sheer thought of how you’d get ripped a new one

<div style=”overflow: hidden; color: #000000; background-color: #ffffff; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;”>I disagree. Balls of steel would be posting this under her regular username.<br /><br /></div>

Post # 81
Member
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

You might also keep in mind that, if she has very noticeable facial hair, she might have PCOS or another hormonal condition. PCOS is also often linked to depression and anxiety. I would just really think carefully about the effect your words could have on your friend. Personally, I would not mention anything to her. If it is a major concern, I would offer to pay for the makeup of all your bms; a good make up artist should be able to temporarily cover any shadow from darker hair. Also, your photographer has photoshop, so it’s not like you would be looking at your bm’s moustache in all of your pictures.

Post # 82
Member
2029 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I didn’t read all the comments so I don’t know if it’s been said yet, but I suggest getting your lip waxed and offering to pay for hers at the same time, so she feels like you are just extending an offer instead of telling her you want her to wax her mustache.

Post # 83
Member
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

View original reply
j_jaye:  good lord. your cousin is a horrible sea monster. i’m sorry you had to go through that.

Post # 84
Member
296 posts
Helper bee

I’m in agreement with call ahead, have the salon suggest and cover any cost of any she opts to do – no forcing just whatever she accepts to do and do them with her so it’s not just her doing it. 

Post # 85
Member
407 posts
Helper bee

Look at that… Another thread where an OP wants opinions and can’t handle being told things she doesn’t want to hear. I’m so sick of people on this website not realizing that THIS IS THE INTERNET. People are not going to be rainbows and butterflies and unicorns to you all the time, or ever if they choose so. I get that a lot of people seem to think that this is some kind of safe haven bubble where no one can hurt you, but again internet.

You don’t want to be told you’re acting kind of like a rude asshole about your friend’s natural appearance? Don’t post asking for opinions and actually say in your OP that you’ll probably get called an asshole, and then act all shocked that some people think that way.

Everything rachel85: said is spot on, btw.

Post # 86
Member
1175 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I think you should go and get yours and hers done right before the wedding and pay for her. It’s not mean or self centered so don’t feel bad. She’ll get hers done when she sees you getting yours done. When I’m a bridesmaid, I know that I’m a pawn in pretty pictures. You could also bring another bridesmaid and the extra peer pressure won’t hurt. Everyone at your wedding will talk about her in a negative way. 

Post # 87
Member
744 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Some of you are so nasty. I hope you don’t act this way in real life. The OP had a THOUGHT about what she should do. If your answer was “nothing”, you should just say “nothing”, or “don’t worry about it” or something similar. The way I took it, the OP didn’t want her friend to feel bad about people referring to her Bridesmaid or Best Man as “the one with the mustache”. Maybe OP doesn’t care if her friend is fuzzy, but if the tables were turned and someone called OP “the Bridesmaid or Best Man with the mustache”, it would obviously bother her. I’m pretty sure that’s what prompted the OP to post.

Further, the OP’s question was “how to handle it”, not “what is your opinion of me for pondering this”? But, and here’s a surprise, some of you just couldn’t help but rip her apart. 

Post # 89
Member
4106 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Here’s the thing: As much as everyone makes fun of her for it, if she’s comfortable with it, let her be comfortable. If it’s really that big of a deal and you are really so concerned, have you ever considered talking to her about it? You’re worried about hurting her feelings, etc., but there is a polite and tactful way to go about this. For the wedding I was in last November, my friend called me one day hmmed and ummed for nearly an hour before blurting out that she was wondering if I would consider cutting my hair for the wedding. My hair was down to my butt and, admittedly, the ends were kind of scraggly and dead. She said she wanted me to look my “best” at her wedding. I explained that I appreciated her concern, but I felt my “best” with my incredibly long, wildly curly hair down to my butt. 

If this is a really good friend, and your intentions are pure and NOT selfishly driven by your wedding, broach the subject with her!

Post # 90
Member
1051 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

I had a friend who had some unsightly facial hair.  But because we were close, I said something like, “Hey, I get my brows waxed at such-and-such place.  We should go together sometime.  I think you’d really like the look.”  I don’t think it makes you an asshole.  The timing is just a little bad.  I eventually suggested (while we were there getting her brows done) that she get her chin waxed, too.  She was open to the idea and now she does it routinely.  

I think the challenge for you, as I understand it, is just figuring out how (and if you should) bring this up to her.  But as other posters suggested, bring her with you for the eyebrow wax and then suggest (or tell the shop to ask) if she wants the other areas waxed too.  If she resists then obviously don’t push it.  If she welcomes the idea, it could be an eye opener to her.

PS:  Holy crap, she’s 25 and never been to an OBGYN??  Yikes.

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