(Closed) How do I handle this without being mean/rude to my BM?

posted 8 years ago in Beauty
Post # 91
Member
2953 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Maybe while she’s being held down for the waxing, someone could give her a quick Pap. Maybe do it on an auspiscious day and call it a “Two-fer Tuesday!” Then go out and have margaritas!

That’s what REAL friends do. Just sayin’.

Post # 93
Member
308 posts
Helper bee

You said you love your friend for who she is and defend her against others mean comments. Good for you!

I agree with some PP – photoshop is the solution here. You get what you want in your pics and your friend isn’t embarrassed. Win Win.

Post # 94
Member
407 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
Anonymous_Bee20:  Why yes, everyone who disagrees with you is an asshole.

Look, all I’m doing is reminding you that this is the internet and not a private chat room for you and your closest friends. Everyone has different opinions in the world, some harsher than others, but if you’re going to post, you gotta accept that and deal. It sucks and it can be hurtful, but it’s life.

Post # 95
Member
1648 posts
Bumble bee

I know you’re getting some heat for this, but I understand your point.

However, you can’t say anything due to the fact that you have to ask if you should. If you guys were extremely close and comfortable with one another, I would have to imagine this topic would have come up at some point in the past. But since you’re asking if you should say something, I have to guess that you aren’t that close.

A friend of mine sounds like your friend. Her mom was never around to teach her about beauty products, how to apply them, how to dress for certain occasions and her body type, etc. I keep my mouth shut most of the time. But recently she made a comment to me about her struggle with trying to find a dress for my wedding (she’s a BM). I sent her a pic of a dress that I thought would be perfect for her shape. She said “I can’t wear that kind of dress, I need something with a drop-waist” (she’s curvy, hourglass figure, with a little extra in the waist). I explained that the natural waist of this dress is best for a variety of reasons and that drop waist dresses really look best on women with straight figures.. I convinced her to order the dress to at least try it on, and she loves it!

So, unless your friend brings it up, you should just keep quiet. 

Post # 96
Member
157 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

OP, I don’t think you’re a horrible person and I’m sorry that everyone has immediately assumed the worst of you.  It’s facial hair people!  Do you really think this girl has identified so strongly with her facial hair that asking if she’d like the opportunity to have it removed is the same as asking her to change some fundamental personality trait?   Give me a break.  It sounds like this girl has not had much guidance about certain grooming/upkeep/preventative care- also evidenced by OP’s statement that she has yet to see the OB/GYN at the age of 25!  Maybe she’s not interested in those things, maybe she’s scared of those things, maybe she just doesn’t know about those things but is this not what girlfriends do for each other?  Geez louise, when did everybody get so sensitive?  My girlfriends and I would not bat an eye at this because we know we are all human beings with weird shit happening to our bodies all the time, we don’t tiptoe around embarrassing topics or each other.  We are constantly sharing tips and tricks and building off of one another’s experiences, we talk about facial hair and cellulite and wrinkle cream and saggy boobs and ALL of the joys of being a woman, we bond over it.  Are all of the women you know really so delicate that this suggestion would shatter their confidence and ruin the friendship?  Do you all let your friends go through life with spinach in their teeth and toilet paper on their shoes too?            

OP, as for advice- it’s here already.  Tell her that you yourself need the full works wax job, add some self depricating humor, see if she’d be willing to do it all too so you don’t have to go through it alone, offer to pay.      

Post # 97
Member
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Honestly, what your friend does with her body — either her hair or her reproductive health — is her business. Not yours. You sound like a nagging mother rather than a supportive friend. Again, my sense is that if you just reached into your wallet and paid for a make up artist for you and your bms, then this wouldn’t be an issue. It’s you who are bothered by her appearance; I guarantee you that your bm has looked at her face and knows her appearance.  She knows what she looks like and it sounds like she’s made peace with her appearance. That takes an amazing amount of strength in a world where every movie, tv show, magazine, — and, apparently, “good” friends such as yourself — tell women that they are inadequate and need to change to fit some impossible standard of beauty. I sincerely hope she finds this thread and realizes exactly what kind of friend she has in you.

Post # 98
Member
1742 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
waterbaby:  You should read @j_jaye’s earlier long post in this thread.  Yes, in fact some women do choose to fully embrace and own their “flaw” (a/k/a what they are told is a flaw) as a strategy for coping with the cruel remarks and assumptions that people make about them based on nothing more than their genetics and would perceive demands that they “fix” themselves as an attack on their core selves.  Furthermore, even if the OP is well-meaning (and if she is I would encourage her to learn how to speak about her friend as a willing agent and not as the human equivalent of a stray animal that the OP has oh-so-kindly chosen to take on as a project), her timing could not be worse.  I know that I would probably look on the OP in a much kinder light if she had been able to muster up the “courage” to save her friend from the cruel remarks of others by suggesting that her friend actively address the matter before it was her pictures that were “threatened” by the possiblility of being “forced” to show a woman who is “deviant” and “flawed.”

Post # 99
Bee
5113 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2009 - Barr Mansion

We’re getting a lot of flags on this post, so I’m going to close it for review.

The topic ‘How do I handle this without being mean/rude to my BM?’ is closed to new replies.

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