How do I "happily" wait? It's killing me!

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
1184 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Have you talked about when in 2020 you both want to get married? You should probably lock down a venue soon. Does he know how far in advance these things book up? Assuming he is really planning a proposal, if I were you I would schedule venue tours even though you don’t have the ring on your finger yet. We booked our venue a year out, and about two months before my ring was ready (but as soon as we got the ring, he proposed). Impress upon your SO that you might miss your opportunity to get the venue you like best if you wait too long. But make it clear you’re not asking him to skip whatever proposal he’s planning – that is, if you trust that he truly is planning something and not dragging his feet. I don’t know how old you are, but 5 years together seems like plenty of time!


Post # 4
49 posts

It sounds like you have some conflicting feelings here. You want the mystery and the surprise element (as in, you didn’t want your godmother telling you about the blessing thing), but you also want to know what he’s planning to do and when. If I were him I’d be a little confused. Then again, if I were you, I’d be a little confused as to why he was straight up telling people you were engaged when you were unaware of that….? Maybe the two of you have different ideas about what enagement means. Maybe to him it’s simply a verbal agreement, and the proposal is just icing on the cake?

In answer to the original question, I don’t think you’re obligated to “happily” do anything, but it might be better for you in the long run if you try to wait calmly, or patiently. That is not to say shut up and forget about it, just work on reminding yourself that all signs point to it happening, it just hasn’t happened YET.

Post # 6
5890 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

 Boy better hurry up or you’re going to be getting married in your living room come February.

Post # 7
2060 posts
Buzzing bee

I would stop with the planning and tours until you’re actually engaged. To me, it seems like it would send a mixed message to him that you want him to propose but then you’re acting as if you’re already engaged by visiting venues. Stop.

Tell him you’re not planning anything until he proposes. And that if he waits too long you will not be able to get married in 2020 since venues book up.

I have no idea why guys take so damn long. He has the ring. He needs to move his ass!

ETA- I get the whole “if you’re agreeing to look at venues and all that then technically you are engaged” but then he’s gonna get the idea that an actual proposal is pointless.

Post # 8
249 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2022

View original reply
lifeisbeeutiful :  This! It seems many men underestimate how long it takes to plan a wedding, and that’s why some of them don’t feel “ready,” because they don’t realize they have a year or more to go.

Post # 9
22 posts
  • Wedding: May 2020 - City, State

My SO and I decided that we want to buy a house together, he is going to be put as my dependent with my work health insurance (while he searches for alternative employment) and he is going to hold off on buying another vehicle for at least another year. But all of these we have discussed are for when we are married. Hence he gets out of school in 2 years and that’s when he is looking for other employment. Which isn’t that far done. Honestly, he knows my ring size, I don’t know if he has a ring yet or not and I’ve never pressed into it too much because we’ve had so many other things going on.

If this gives any clarity, he’s always mentioned that getting married hinders him from buying his “toys” that he likes and I’ve mentioned numerous times that it doesn’t. It’s almost as if they are feeling like they are giving up a certain type of freedom. I don’t know. Who knows. 

But in your case, I agree then you technically are engaged but I understand you want the full shebang. I wish you th ebest of luck!!

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