- 8 years ago
Hi everyone, I am new here. I finally broke down and decided to ask for some advice because waiting for my man to propose is making me stressed and sad. I guess I will start with a little bit of background. I’m sorry if this is long.
We’ve been dating for 2.5 years and we’ve been living together for the past 6 months. I feel like moving in with him has been a mistake on my part, because I don’t feel like he has any sense of urgency about marriage since I already take care of him and we already live together. We are fairly financially stable, and he has some money put away, so I don’t feel like money is an issue. He’s said time and again that he wants to marry me, and that the house he bought was an investment in our future. (My name is not on title.) He always says things like “When we’re married…” and “When we have kids…”
But we’ve fought about the proposal before. I have never really, like, bombarded him with marriage talk, but it’s definitely an issue when it does come up. He says that he’s not quite ready. He knows I am waiting and would like to have kids before 30. I’ve tried to be patient, but I don’t think its fair when he talks about marriage, but has no intentions of doing anything in the future.
Anyways, I’ve managed to stay quiet about it for the past 6 months or so, because I was hoping he’d come around. We’ve had birthdays, dinners, and vacations that have always left me disappointed. So I’ve been feeling insecure about it lately, and he asked why I’ve been so insecure. I told him I didn’t want to talk about it, because I didn’t want him to feel pressured, but he told me he would really like to have a discussion about it now.
So we talked about it, and he said that he wants to marry me. There is no doubt in his mind about that. But he said he’s scared because he feels like he’s going to get old the minute he gets married. He asked me to help him feel better about feeling like marriage was the end of his youth, and told me that he had planned on calling his parents to discuss marriage that very day (Who knows if that was true or not). So I tried to help him, and he said he felt better about it.
Now, I guess I am planning on staying quiet about it. I had planned on bringing it up again shortly after our 3 year anniversary, which is in January. Is there anything that I can do to help him feel less intimidated?
How do I deal with not feeling resentful and anxious? I hate being on his terms and not being able to do anything about something that means so much to me! Any help would be much appreciated. Please be nice 🙂