(Closed) How do I help my friend?

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
23 posts
  • Wedding: December 2013

I think, if it were me, I’d probably try and stay out of it.  But generally my friends would rope me in to give them advice anyway. I always tell my friends exactly what I think, and am completely honest (they know it’s my opinion, so when it is opposite to what they think they don’t get offended).

You can tell her whatever you like, but at the end of the day she is going to do what she wants to do – I don’t think you will be able to save the heartbreak if that ends up happening – fingers crossed it doesn’t.

Post # 4
1811 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@missbumblebee:  That’s a bit of a sticky wicket!  I know that when I was in pre planning mode I get my feelings hurt really easy if someone suggested that I would not be getting a ring in my own definition of “soon.”  On top of that, it isn’t easy to be the one in a group that is left out (my one single friend can attest to that).  The thing is that if she isn’t willing to wait more than a month for him to be ready, then it seems she is just worried about having a wedding and not the actual marriage.  Being a tired and true girl, I would say use reverse psychology.  Tell her things like “You are so lucky!  When you get engaged everybody else’s weddings will be over so you will get ALL the spotlight.”  

Post # 5
3718 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

As someone who was in that situation, please legitimize the relationship– say what a great gut he is, point out how happy she is, say that you are so happy she’s found the one. Then, don’t discount her planning knowledge– she may be able to help you plan in ways you wouldn’t think of.

Finally, be sure to take her out to drinks after her timeline has passed. Talk to her about all of the milestones you were happy to have hit before you got engaged to confirm he was the one. Mine included traveling internationally, spending major holidays with both families, going over mutual finances and our plans for future, and going on a family vacation. I knew he was the one after 5 months, but I’m glad he took another year to confirm what I felt about him

Post # 6
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

you’ll pretty muich get the standard advice when you mention help for a friend ‘stay out of it” but what kindof friend would you be if you didnt have a heart to heart about the issue?

atleast she can process it and take it from there on how she wants to proceed, and if she continues pushing its on her.

i went through something somewhat similar with a friend of mine. except shes been with her guy for 5 years now with no ring in sight, and im pretty sure he never will marry her. my friend hangs on still because shes afraid to ‘start over’ in her words, she had a goal to be married by 30 (shes 29 now) so she still holds out hope he will see the light. he only takes advantage of her and isnt in a mindframe of marriage.

its sad to see your friend in a self destructive situation. but all you can do is be there for her and lend an ear. if a talk is needed tread lightly.

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