Post # 1
Okay – so my “best friend” i list is actually my Aunt (my mother’s, brother’s wife) who is about the same age as my mom.
Here’s the story (as short as possible!!): Essentially my mother and I had a falling out during college (a bad one). I didn’t have a place to live when I went “home” during winter/summer breaks so my aunt and uncle opened their house up to me (not to mention the fact that they co-signed my college loans in order for me to go – something my stepfather backed out on before I left for college – TOTALLY DIFF STORY)…
Anyway – during those 4 years I clearly got so close to my Aunt and Uncle. My uncle turned into a father figure I never had. He’s even walking me down the aisle which I could not be more thrilled about (esp since I don’t really have a father in the picture right now)!
Now, my mother and I have since made up (this was about 5-6 years ago now) but the jealousy is still there between her and my Aunt/Uncle. She feels inadequate, and like she has let me down – which she did, but I’ve moved on since then and I’m moving forward. They still continue to have issues w/each other. She’s jealous – they feel she’s ungrateful and manipulative.
That said, this wedding has definitely stirred plenty of emotions.
My mother is extremely jealous of my relationship with my Aunt and was less than excited to hear I was going to ask her brother walk me down the aisle.
Anywho – I guess my question is, how do I include my Aunt – someone that was nearly “like” my mother but more like a best friend for so many years (I would call her for ANYTHING probably first before anyone else)… How do I include her in this day to make her feel special but not completely piss my mom off essentially making the whole day one big drama scene?
Ever since I got engaged, my mother is in “full force” all of a sudden completely obsessed w/me and my life. I am nervous that my Aunt is going to feel like all of a sudden she doesn’t matter bc the “MOB” is in full effect…
Post # 3
It won’t be easy but I think you need to talk to your Mom. It is your wedding and your decision. I think if having your aunt is important then you should have her. Can she read a poem in the ceremony? or a reading?
Post # 4
Yeah – I think I’ll have her do that – i don’t think that should ruffle too many feathers.
Post # 5
firstly i see nothing wrong with your uncle walking you down the aisle – it seems very natural to me and i hope your mother gets over it. im guessing her guilt is behind her reasons for being unhappy about this
for your aunt – what about asking her to do a reading? something up front and there without screaming pseudo MOB
either way, youre very lucky to have people that love you and have helped you and you obviously realize this by your words above
Post # 6
I would also involve your aunt in the planning if she’s interested – invite her to go dress shopping or looking at venues, share photos with her, etc. Just keep it separate from the planning you may do with your mom and I think you can avoid conflict that way.
Post # 7
I agree with girlwitharing… I’d share little details of planning with her, so she feels included. She’s kind of your “second mom,” and I’m sure she feels like she doesn’t want to step on any toes but be a big part of your big day, too. I would also have her do a reading or something equally important, but not necessarily related to MOB type duties.
Post # 8
Sorry for your mom but the reality of the situation is your aunt and uncle stepped up. You can’t just erase those years or the closeness you feel but make sure she knows there is still room in your heart for her.
Make sure that your aunt gets a wedding flower like the parents and grandparents usually do. This will set her apart as not just another guest. I assume your uncle automatically gets one. You can have your Aunt take the special walk down the aisle that happens right before the ceremony starts as well as the special walk with your uncle right after the ceremony. And make sure she gets to sit front row. Have it go aisle > your mom > your uncle > your aunt > grandparents. What about actually making your aunt your MOH? Too weird? 🙂 I would do it.
Post # 9
@Talishazwi – Yes – I would LOVE to have her as my Matron of Honor – but that would just be TOO awkward. My mother may go over the edge with that. Which is a shame since that is essentially who should be next to me – my best friend… And thanks for the seating advice. It may be a little weird though because my Grandmother has taken my mother’s side & the two are like butt buddies in ganging up against my Aunt/Uncle, though… I’m going to ask my Aunt what she would like and where she would like to sit since she’s definitely being escorted down!
Post # 10
Could she do a reading? I don’t know if having her be in the actual bridal party is the way to go, I think that will really pour salt in your mom’s wounds.
Post # 11
Yes, I think this would be great – for her to do a reading. I will definitely ask her to do that. Just didn’t know if there was anything else? I guess I will just have to continue to keep her in the loop with the wedding as things get planned & keep her in the planning!
Thank you everyone for your advice!!