(Closed) How Do I Keep From Going Cuckoo!!

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
387 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2016 - Loveless Barn

‘Now he says, ‘It’ll happen sometime in February 2016.’ 

Men are not as complicated as we make them out to be. He’s telling you what he’s going to do. If he doesn’t in February, bring up how it hurts not to have him follow through in his word and impacts your trust in him. As far as getting a new job, that’s on him. But graduating should certainly help open up different opportunities. Maybe he is waiting until that gets a little closer. Regardless, marry the man he is, not the man you want him to be.

Post # 4
294 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2016 - Backyard

I agree to wait until March 1st. If you hear nothing by then . . . then tell him that you feel like he is not consistent with his words and actions. Explain to him that this brings up a lot of uncertainty about your future (i.e. house buying, kids, pets, etc.). What else will he not be consistent with? That’s not fair to you and your emotions. However, fingers crossed you will hear something soon. 🙂 

Post # 6
1837 posts
Buzzing bee

It sounds to me like he just can’t afford to buy the ring that he wants to get you. Agree with the PPs that said to believe him when he says Feb, and if it doesn’t happen talk to him in March about how that hurt and you feel worried that you might be waiting for something that isn’t going to come. But I’d wait until then. It sounds like he has a lot going on with college and work — I’d try to be patient about the job thing too, even if it means you have to wait longer for a ring. 

So many bees post in here about their frustrations with waiting and it seems clear that they are waiting for something that isn’t coming. I don’t see that as being the case with you at all — it sounds like he loves you but he wants to do it right. I think he’ll ask you soon, and hopefully in February. 

Post # 8
333 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
Eirene00:  I would tell him he may not call you wife until you are married, and if he wants to call you fiancée,  he needs to pop the question and stop making you squirm.  As far as the job, he may hate it, but maybe he feels providing is more important? I know mine did that until I put my foot down, telling him I don’t want to see him so miserable. Hope I could help!

Post # 9
156 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2003

View original reply
Eirene00:  I agree with the PP. Also it sounds like he may need help getting things in his life together. Don’t become his mom, but maybe see if there are some opportunities to support him and build up his confidence about finding another job. 

Post # 10
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

Ahhh ‘soon’. That is such a loaded word! I know me & my Fiance had vastly different ideas on what the word soon actually meant when I was waiting. For him soon was some kind of fuzzy future date and for me soon was five minutes before yesterday!

We’re like that in other aspects of our lives too- I’m very type A to-do lists impatient and he’s laid back and takes as much pleasure in the planning as the doing. If we decided on a trip to Europe I’d be arranging vaca time and dragging my suitcases out of storage today while he’d be content to look at brochures for months on end. This can be extremely frustrating during the ‘waiting’ stage (drove me batshit crazy, frankly) but it can also be oddly reassuring for the future- I feel like he grounds me, he feels like I motivate him.

I don’t recommend waiting til the end of February has come and gone to talk to him, not if you’re going to spend the next two months going through a rollercoaster of emotional uncertainty. He may be a great guy in many aspects- and added bonus that your parents adore him- but if you allow the frustration of waiting to build up til his deadline and then he wants to extend the timeline saying he needs longer to save or plan or whatever, it’s going to cause all kinds of hurt and resentment in your relationship. I would mention it to him now- that you’re looking forward to February with happy anticipation and make it clear to him that you expect to be able to trust in him to keep his word. If finances are an issue, I would also make it clear that it’s the proposal that matters, the asking you to be his wife that matters, but that it need not be an elaborate proposal nor an expensive ring, you just want him.

Post # 11
531 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

Soon to me is like a few hours ! It’s such an open phrase but he has given you something more specific now. Fingers crossed for you!! 

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