(Closed) How do I let this go?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
70 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

It’s hard to think things are one way, and then find out that they aren’t.  I think you are right to feel hurt and upset, she betrayed your trust and friendship.  I do think 3 years is a long time to dwell on it or let it hurt so much that you still cry.  How did things go otherwise on that day?  Was it mostly fabulous and special?  I think it’s time to look at the things that were meaningful and special and just let her go.  Realize that not everyone has manners to address issues and if she was worth having in your life, she would have told you her feelings and given you the opportunity to correct or respond to what she said.  Maybe you should put those photos where she is in the main focus behind others so you don’t see them, or remove them from the book all together.  I’m not saying toss them, but having them pop up when you go through your wedding album wouldn’t be pleasant and I’m sure I wouldn’t want to look at them either.  Or get a whole new album, but smaller, with just shots that are super meaningful or only have the two of you, like a fashion edit of your wedding 🙂  I think your husband is right in his assessment, but it was her choice to tell you off and say such hurtful things, there was nothing you could have done, short of not marrying him, so please don’t allow her actions to control your future happiness.  

Post # 4
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

It sounds like you haven’t forgiven her. Forgiveness isn’t always about the other person deserving it but sometimes about the hurt person finding healing. It’s not that you need to call her up or email her and tell her you forgive her. That won’t do any good. You just genuinely need to forgive her for your own sake. Forgiveness means not dwelling on what hurt you. Recognize it but don’t dwell on it. It’s a shame that all you see in your wedding album is her. Instead of focusing on the painful negative, look at the joy on your faces and remember how happy the celebration was! Dwell on the good, not the bad. Allow healing to your sore heart. It’s not easy and it definitely takes practice. But the art of forgiving and dwelling on the good is extremely worthwhile.


That said. I’m so sorry you were hurt. But you are so lucky to have a faithful husband!

Post # 5
1526 posts
Bumble bee

I think all you can do is be thankful you have an amazing husband who is there to support you. I’m really sorry that you were hurt by your husband’s ex friend. It’s really sad that she was so two-faced. I agree with the previous poster about putting some of the pictures away for awhile, so it’s not your main focus when remembering your wedding.

Post # 6
205 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I think you are definitely being melodramatic about it still bothering you and putting a damper on the joy of looking at your wedding photos. Of all the amazing things that I’m guessing happened that day I would be very hurt as your husband if you kept harping on one negative person. I do understand that it was hurtful but it’s time to get over it totally and realize that she was just jealous and people can be that way. Forget about her, move on, look at the positive Laughing

Post # 7
5958 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

First you forgive her, for taking her personal problems, writing them down and spewing them all over your husband and you after your wedding…that was stupid and selfish and any person that does something that drastic without a picture of the person in question doing heroin or kicking puppies has got way bigger problems than a few unreplied to e-mails.

After that, if it were me I would reconcile her as a piece of furniture or a caterer or waiter…she was there, but not terribly essential…and leave it at that.

The point is, the more upset you get over this, the more power she has over you, don’t let her enter your space and pollute your well-being….you are in control over how you feel about things.

Post # 8
687 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

@Nona99:  +1 i liked what you wrote. It makes so much sense! 

Post # 9
11355 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

Truly, the only way for you to let it go, is for you to choose  to let it go.

Forgiving her for her betrayal of you does not  require you or your DH to try to rekindle a close friendship with her.  It simply means that you must choose to forgive the hurt and pain she has caused you and that you cannot continue to hold any ill will toward her.

Once you have made the choice to forgive her, you may even want to write her a brief note to explain that you were hurt and upset by what transpired but that you no longer hold this against her and that you and your Darling Husband wish her well in life. You may never even hear back from her, but at least you will be able to offer her your forgiveness and to let go of these negative feelings that have been keeping you in pain and bondage.

Finally, I do not know what your personal belief system is, and I do not wish to offend you in any way.  However, as a Christian, I, personally, have only ever been able to forigve those who have hurt me, because I know that God, through Christ, forgave me. It has been His love, power, grace, mercy, and forgiveness toward me  that have enabled me to obey His commands to forgive others.  I have found that, as I have made the difficult choice to forgive, He has honored that choice by allowing my feelings  to follow  my decision.  It is rare that people truly feel  forgiveness toward someone until after they make the choice  to forgive. In my own, personal experience, I’ve found that, as I’ve made that choice to obey God in this, He has truly given me compassion and even love for those who have wounded me.

Post # 11
1465 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

It sounds like she was jealous of you from the start but chose to hide it until after the wedding. You know the old saying keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Well she was truly a enemy and hid it very well. May I suggest you have her photo shopped out of the pictures and put someone else in her spot. Modern technology is a great source nowadays.

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