Post # 1
So to start this off my fiance and I mostly paying for the wedding ourselves with a little help from his parents and my grandparents.
Lately we have been planning to have the ceremony and reception at the same spot but not at our church because it isn’t big enough. The spot we are thinking about is an hour away from our church so it wouldn’t make sense to have it there and then roadtrip to the recepetion.
So his dad is giving us major grief about not having it at church and the fact that we want dancing saying that as Christians we need to set ourselves apart. Yes I understand that there is some dancing that isn’t approiate but with the people we are inviting that won’t happen. He also gave my fiance gried about him not being the best man. My fiance gave in on this because I have two MOHs and it would even things out.
And my mother is mad because I didn’t make her my Maid/Matron of Honor and she keeps giving me grief and making me mad because everytime I talk to her she brings it up. I understand that she might have been hoping for it but I’ve explained to her that my fiance and I were thinking about a ceremony that would involve the mothers but she just blew that off like it wasn’t enough.
Now we have family we aren’t even very close to asking if they can be in the wedding party and telling us the way we need to have things and ignoring us when we try to talk about how we want our wedding to be.
So what I’m asking for is this: How do I politely tell people to back off and let me and him plan our wedding without them trying to control us and make us unhappy with the end result?
Post # 3
“Thank you for your suggestion- we will take it under advisement.”
Post # 4
Ignore them. They will never stop. I swear, even if you flip out on them. All you can do is say “okay” and then go on your way..
Post # 5
@KatRHat: I would just smile and nod, tell them you’ll think about it (when they offer suggestions), and if they want to be in the wedding party say “I’m sorry but we already have our wedding party chosen.”
It’s sort of weird that the parents want to be in the wedding party anyway… I’ve never seen that. Parents usually have a role of honor and are considered wedding party anyway.
Post # 6
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
Stop talking about the wedding with them. If they insist, you can smile and say “FI and I agreed to have a wedding-talk-free weekend.” Then change the subject.
Post # 7
Everyone will continue to control your wedding unless you:
Stop talking wedding +1
Otherwise, if you do, you need to tell them you will consider it. That doesn’t mean you have to take their advice.
Maybe you can involve the mothers in the unity candle? If you mom doesn’t think that is a big honor then I would be flabbergasted. We are having our mom’s light our tapers and hand them to us so we can light our unity candle. Pastor described it as a symbolization of them “giving life to us and now we are making those lives become one.” Maybe your mom would appreciate that?
Post # 8
Gosh you would think with the whole parents of the bride and groom role they would already have their hands full to also partake in Maid/Matron of Honor and Bridesmaid or Best Man duties. I did have a cousin who was upset about not being a Bridesmaid or Best Man but seriously, she was a generation older than me. Come to find out, she just wanted to be included in something wedding-related. Maybe this is going on? I would suggest having them light the candles. That would be nice or have them do a reading. Seriously telling you and groom that you wont be christians if you allow dancing at the reception is ovestepping boundaries. This is a HUGE celebration for you and Fiance. This is you and FI’s wedding. I would possibly suggest a wedding planner. Even if you dont have a huge budget, like me, you can still afford one and it also gives you the excuse of referring any wedding related questions to consult with your wedding planner. Your wedding planner will make sure your wishes are being met. I’ve had to do this because my mother and others where trying to take over. It still upsets my mother that she can’t have complete control over it but she realizes this is NOT about her or anyone else. And we can relax and just send pics we like of stuff to the wedding planner and she makes it happen.
Post # 9
I would stop sharing details with them. If they ask how planning is going, you can smile and say “fabulous! We have a lot of great ideas!” and leave it like that. If they pursue, you can just say that you are wanting to surprise everyone on the day of with your plans and you guys will put their suggestion in the idea pot. If they aren’t paying for it, they don’t need to know what the money is spent on. 🙂
Post # 10
I’ve never heard of parents bring in the bridal party – why would they even want to do that? Anyway, you’ll just have to out your foot down. This is only the beginning of your lives together. You can either set the tone now that you won’t give into them or that you will. Your decision.
Post # 11
I had this problem with my mother. I eventually just said “Mom, I love you but this is our wedding and we are doing it our way. I love that you are supportive and paying a for a big chunk of it, but this has to be about me and him.”
That seemed to work after a week or so of just taking a break from anything wedding related to let it really sink in. Have not had problems for about a month now.
Post # 12
@Day_In_The_Life: Haha the first time my fiance said to his mom, “it’s my wedding,” he got screamed at for hours.