Post # 1
So I’m having quite a dilema. My fiance basically made me ask his sister to be a bridesmaid. The thing is that she’s a bit older than all of my 5 other bridesmaids who are my friends. We’re all around 30 or under and shes 36. She also has three children, doesn’t drink and is pretty religious(in the way where she is kinda judegemental of some things). I am going to be having a normal girls night out for my bachlorette party. We will probably stay the night in a hotel. My mom and all my bridesmaids will definately drink and do it up. How do I politely not ask her to come. I feel horrible about it, but know that i would be on edge all night watching what I do if she came along. I would hope that she would politely decline if i invited her, but knowing her she’d come along.
The only thing i could think of was going to dinner before hand and inviting them(sister in law and mother in law) and then somehow having them not come with. Any polite ways to do this?
Post # 3
I would have one of the other bridesmaids talk about the ideas of the party amongst themselves to be sure she knows whats in store…and maybe she will back out on her own…unless she is the type who loves to judge
Unfortunately i dont know a polite way to go about this as bridesmaids are generally invited to all wedding related events….
Post # 4
No, there is no polite way to do this. She is a part of the bridal party, even if you don’t want her to be. She would really be hurt if she was left out.
This is a festivity in your honor, so you have every right to enjoy it without worrying about her. Hopefully she will not enjoy herself and will leave early. If she becomes judgemental or disapproving in a way that is making you uncomfortable, have a friend/mom take her aside and remind her what type of party it is.
I think you do have to invite her, I think you don’t have to worry about her.
Post # 5
I wouldn’t worry about it at all. She is a bridesmaid so you can’t not invite her, but I would definitely find some way to let her know that it is going to be a traditional bachelorette party with all of the drinking, partying, etc that bachelorette parties have. Maybe you could get your bridesmaids to clue her in on that. Then it will be up to her to decide whether she wants to attend or not. I would say that if she does decide to go then she is in no position to judge anyone for anything that happens because she is involved by attending. And if she is against it, she will decline so you won’t have to worry about it.
Don’t sweat the small stuff, its not worth it. She is your future family so you may as well make the best of it.
Post # 6
I agree with everyone else. You can’t NOT invite a bridesmaid, no matter what the reasons. It sounds like if she knows what is going on, she probably won’t want to come. But if she chooses to come, you can’t ask her not to without being very rude and probably jeopardizing your relationship with your in-laws. I don’t think thats really worth it for one night out with the girls, but thats just my opinion.
Post # 7
The good news, though, is that when you’re drinking, her judging won’t seem to matter as much! Just have fun and ignore any signs of being judge-y.
Post # 8
I’m in the same boat as you except I go the exact opposite of you. My Future Sister-In-Law is younger, more of a partier, and has a tendency to make things all about her. Not that I don’t have a good time or require all the attention on me but I’m nervous about how she’ll act. We are originally thinking of spending a weekend at a lake house on Lake Michigan and I’m really hoping she’ll flake. If not, I’ll just grin and bear it.
Post # 9
Ler her know what will be going on…and you totally, completely, utterly understand if she doesn’t want to come because of the shenanigans that will ensue.
Post # 10
My Maid/Matron of Honor is my sister. She is older, has 3 kids, and has never been much of a drinker. I just told her that we are going to get really drunk and probably stay out all night, and knowing that’s not her scene, she was under no obligation to come. She was super releived, as she really didn’t want to come, but felt like as the Maid/Matron of Honor she had to. It was a win win for both of us.
Post # 11
@jo.lee: I just busted out laughing!
I actully think the dinner before would be a good idea. Its inviting her and she never needs to know about the party after!
Post # 12
One of my BM’s is my Future Sister-In-Law who is 20 years old. She wasn’t invited to my bach party (obviously she’s not of legal age) and she’s really not into that type of bar scene anyway. So, technically, you don’t HAVE to invited every Bridesmaid or Best Man LOL.
But i think she will decline going out if you basically tell her what magilnyc said!
Post # 13
Tell her EXACTLY what your plan is and that you understand if she doesnt want to attend. Hopefully by doing that, she decides not to come at all.
Post # 14
I agree with the poster who suggested letting her know what is in store. She probably is feeling just as worried about it as you are! Let her know what you’re planning, that she is under no obligation to come, but if she DOES come, you appreciate her not judging!
Post # 15
I say extend the invitation and let her decide. When my sister got married her Mother-In-Law threw a bach party and didn’t invite either my mother (the MOH) or me (bridesmaid). She claimed it was because she thought my mother wouldn’t want to go dancing and that I was underage (I was 24). It sucked, it hurt, and it was a royal bitch move.
Post # 16
I agree that you can’t NOT invite her. If you tell her what’s going on and are totally honest, you can give her an “out” so that she does not feel obligated. Maybe you can suggest the two of you get a manicure or have lunch out one day. She’ll feel like you are making an effort to include her and you get to have fun without feeling bad.