Post # 17
I would invite her-she is in the bridal party so you can’t exclude her really. If it isn’t her thing, she’ll probably say no, and if she does come I don’t see why it would spoil your fun. She’s going to get to know you anyway so why not let her see the real you. I do think it’s weird to invite your Mother-In-Law though. I don’t think you actually have to do that.
No sense in making up drama that has not happend yet-see what she says and then go from there.
Post # 18
I think it’d be best to let her know what all the plans are and she’s under no obligation to go if she doesn’t feel comfortable. She most likely won’t from what you described. The dinner before would be nice too because she could feel like she was getting her celebration in and not have to stick around for the partying afterward. Have fun!
Post # 19
Even if this woman IS judgmental, she should be invited since she’s in your party. However, I would alert the rest of your girls (or just the up front, yet tactful ones) that she may need to be pulled aside to say, “Hey, this is not your event. If you don’t like what’s going on, head home and we’ll see you tomorrow/wedding day.”
Post # 20
Can you find one of those uber-offensive invitations in the shape of male genitalia? Then on the inside of the invite you could write down the hours of the party and all of the vulgar shots the girls will be REQUIRED to down ever hour (you know the ones I’m talking about…dirty names!). She may be so turned off by the whole thing that she politely declines. And if not, you could just have everyone pester her all night about finally doing that “Blow Job” shot. You never know, she may let loose and have fun. Or just not come at all. Or come and be mortified. But it sounds like a lot of fun you could have (sadly at her expense).
Post # 21
i think if you had a dinner beforehand, she might feel as though she is participating without feeling obligated to go to the clubs after. i wouldn’t keep the clubs a secret though- because she will find out, and that will just hurt her. you can always have a bridesmaid say really loudly, “i’m so excited about the lines of coke and body shots we will be doing!” jk.
Post # 22
I agree with most of what’s been said here. (Also, MightySapphire, you are hilarious.)
It would probably be a bit awkward of you not to invite her, but for everyone’s sake I think you must make sure she’s aware of the kind of evening you’re all planning. (Your bridesmaids exist for duties like this.) Actually, I’ve been to bachelorettes in the past that have run into trouble because some or all of the guests did not know what to expect, in terms of wildness, tameness, financial expenditure, whatevs. Surprises are nice, but so is anticipating your awesome party – sometimes it’s best to err on the side of full disclosure.
Judgy McJudgerson can attend, not attend, or gracefully duck out early as her scruples and tastes demand. And if you’re really concerned that she’s the type of person to both attend AND try to ruin the fun, you could always ask a bridesmaid or other reliable friend to supervise her / shut her down with a funny joke / send her on a chips-and-dip run as the situation demands.
Post # 23
First of all, being 36 is not that much older. Maybe she is more mature because of her responsibilities as a mother, but that doesn’t make her too old for fun.
Do NOT not tell her about the party or not invite her. I think that would be very rude. BE HONEST, instead! Tell her that you are having a batch. party, and that you would like her to come, however, you want to let her know that there will be drinking and misbehaving involved that you know she might not approve of. Then let her make the decision.
This is family you are talking about. If you don’t invite her, you are making a fun party more important than your new family member.
Post # 24
First off, thank you all for your advice and wisdom!! And the awesome laughs I had! Whoever said the line about having the bridesmaids fill her in really made sense to me. They all know exactly what my worries are and they will make sure i have a good time and she knows whats in store. She isn’t that much older than me, but we have much different views on life. I’m a social worker, work with inner city kids. She thinks my good guy friend(who is an usher) chooses to be homosexual. I have tried to include her in on a lot of things (wedding dress shopping, looking at venues, etc..) she even made a comment about how her parents (my fiances parents) are giving more money than my parents. She has no “filter” and doesn’t seem to care about how she offends others. I hate to be judgemental myself, but she only knows one type of person, the rich stay at home wife and mom. I am starting to realize through this wedding process that i am perfect the way I am and if she can’t handle a night of going out(seriously i’m super tame too) then thats HER problem not MINE. I wish I could stop caring about how people perceived me! Thanks everyone!
Post # 25
Can you ask her brother to mention that she might be a bit out of place and let her know that if she doesn’t feel comfortable, that you would not be offended at all if she chose to bow out after dinner?
Post # 26
I did the dinner thing in a less sneaky way. My bachelorette party was the same day as my shower, so we just put it out there that there would be shower to dinner/wine tasting to a drinking/penis straw event, and let people make their own decisions what they would like to attend.
I thought it was a nice way to include some of the ladies, and then if they didn’t want to go to the next location, they didn’t have to.