(Closed) How do I make this sound less… dry.

posted 7 years ago in Paper
Post # 3
Member
949 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Hmm, I see what you mean. I don’t know how formal the rest of your programs are, but my instinct is to make it more along the lines of “As they embark on an interfaith marriage, Mr. and Ms. Hedgie are very pleased to be married jointly by a rabbi and a minister. The rabbi is Rabbi [] and the minister is Ms. Hedgie’s father, HedgieDad.”

That doesn’t sound quite right to me, still kind of stilted, but I think I see what you’re after.

Post # 4
Member
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Mrs Hedgehog: This sounds pretty good – it can be hard to make programs feel warm!  In my opinion, it would sound a bit more personal if you inserted you & your FH’s name – e.g.: “it was important to Ms. Hedgehog and Mr. Hedgehog to have both faiths equally represented…” Maybe fore the last sentence, “Ms. Hedgehog is proud to announce that her father, Papa Hedgehog, became ordained in order to preside as the minister at this ceremony.”  

Just some thoughts to get you started!

Post # 5
Member
4336 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

does your father have the same last name as you? I would think that most guests attending a wedding have some idea of who the bride’s father is, and will therefore recognize him if he is the minister! 

Maybe you could leave out the last sentence, and modify the second to last as “the rabbi and the bride’s father, the minister, …” 

Or maybe just leave out the last sentence?

Post # 6
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I actually think that sounds fine. You could modify it to something like:

“To represent both faiths at the beginning of our married life, we have asked Papa Hedgehog to perform the ceremony alongside Rabbi (name). We are so proud that Papa Hedgehog was recently ordained so as to help guide us spiritually on this special day!”

Post # 7
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

I think it’s perfect. I think dry is good on a program. It should feel like someone else wrote it I think.

Post # 9
Member
1555 posts
Bumble bee

As Mr. Hubby Hedgie and Miss Hedgie join together in an interfaith marriage, where each set of beliefs are as important as the other, they are pround to announce that the officiants for the wedding are Rabbi AwesomeDude and Mr. Hedgie, the bride’s father.

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