(Closed) How do i NOT ask best friend to be in my wedding????

posted 8 years ago in 30 Something
Post # 3
18637 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Honestly, I don’t think that people like that are worth it in the long run.  You just need to let go of her, it doesn’t sound like she is a good friend to you anymore.

Post # 4
3166 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

it sounds like you’re ready to cut ties, so i think you should just let her go – you should have people standing up with you that support and love you unconditionally… not with strings attached. good luck!

Post # 5
6892 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Yeah I agree with PPs, she sounds like she comes with more drama than she’s worth. It sounds like you’ve already sort of started the “we’re really not bff’s anymore” process. Just don’t ask her. If she has a problem (and drama) with that decision, then you’ve got your answer. She’s not there for you, she would just want to get to play dress-up and feel important. Surround yourself with your real friends and your family. They are the ones who matter. 🙂 No it probably won’t be a pretty scene when she finds out she isn’t included, but better to have her drama pre-wedding than on the day of.

Post # 6
8 posts
  • Wedding: October 2011

Sounds exactly like my best friend!  So I will share my experience with her maybe it can help you…

She got married about 9 years ago and I was not invited to her wedding, even though we were best friends and always planned to be in each others weddings.  I found out she was getting married because I saw her son at the salon with his grandmother getting his haircut the day before the wedding!  Even though we talked fairly frequently.  She said after I confronted her that she didn’t think my boyfriend at the time would “let” me come and she didn’t want to be dissappointed.  It has been a source of contention in our relationship ever since but we moved past it.

So when I got engaged last summer, she was the second person I called (right after my mom) and of course I asked her to be my maid of honor.  I did so knowing that she is a drama queen but I wanted her to be beside me since I don’t have any sisters.  So seven months later- she told me that she thought I should choose someone else to be my maid of honor after I didn’t take her suggestion to go dress shopping with just her and not my mom or bridesmaids.  It all became very dramatic and some hurtful things were said that I just cannot forgive at this point in my life. now we are NOT friends and she isn’t even invited to my wedding.  Afterwards she apologized and said that it was because she was in crisis and I should have been able to recognize that this is the real reason she said what she did not because she didn’t want to do it.  I was having none of it. 

My point is- I wish I had just invited her to my wedding but not asked her to be my maid of honor because honestly knowing her, I knew there would be drama, but I asked her because I thought I had to. If I hadn’t maybe we would still have a relationship right now. So do what you feel is right and just be honest with her.  Tell her that you want her to be there and you want to include her but you are thinking of other people to be in your wedding party and it’s not because you don’t love her.

Post # 8
71 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@jenlee1: Oh girl I SOOOOO feel your pain! I have been through the exact SAME thing! My BFF and I were inseperable the past 13 years. You never saw one without the other. And I always put her first. Then she entered her third controlling relationship and I swear he has her possessed now. He controls everything she does to include who she can and cannot be friends with. I was one of the “cannots” because he saw me as a “bad influence” – how? I have no clue still. Maybe it is because I am in trusting relationship with my SO and like to still hang out with the girls — and her man has trust issues and never lets her out the house….. anyways… back to the story – when I got engaged, she was the first to know. Even before my mom. She acted like she was happy and agreed to be my Maid of  Honor. That was a year ago. She has had absolutely no involvement – matter of fact last time I spoke to her was in August when I called to tell her Happy Birthday and she gave me the cold shoulder. Needless to say, she has been replaced, along with her duaghter who was to be my junior bride. And I really could not be anymore happier! I do not need (or care to have) part time friends, so while I am standing there with my FH saying our vows, I know deep down I will be surrounded by those who love us most.

Back to the situation at hand: I am not sure how many details of the wedding your BFF knows, but for me it was easy. Mine didnt know much other then we are getting married and she was asked to be a part of it. So when no invite arrives in her mailbox, she will be non the wiser. She may even think we split up – HAHA – and I have no hard feelings or ill will towards her. This may be the route you want to take…. the ball was just dropped between us, no communication at all. We do not even speak when we pass each in the grocery store.

I do wish you the best of luck though!

Post # 9
798 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

i was in a similar situation.

the people who are in your bridal party, should be people (in my opinion), who have seen you as a couple through good and bad times, and who you see being in your lives as a couple forever.  if you have doubts about her as a friend now, that speaks volumes. 

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