Post # 1
Hi all.. Heres the deal. I have a friend , weve been bffs for 24 years! But in the past 2 years we have had a few issues. I have always overlooked her negatives! She has always run our relationship with her drama. If things werent her way she would get all bent out of shape. I let this go on for years. Untill the past 2 years. We have had arguemnts and discussions about it. My whole thing is I love her but I really dont wanna be around her anymore. I am torn on what to do. I always envisioned her in my wedding, she does too! She is gonna be pissed at me and prbably end our friendship! I just dont want her and her drama to take over and ruin my day! I know she sounds terrible, but she isnt.. She would be there for me if i needed anything day or night. But it always comes with strings attached. I have alot of wonderful people in my life who dont make me jump through hoops to prove my friendship to them. I am too old for this, but somehow still let her bully me… Help… what should i do ?????
Post # 3
Honestly, I don’t think that people like that are worth it in the long run. You just need to let go of her, it doesn’t sound like she is a good friend to you anymore.
Post # 4
it sounds like you’re ready to cut ties, so i think you should just let her go – you should have people standing up with you that support and love you unconditionally… not with strings attached. good luck!
Post # 5
Yeah I agree with PPs, she sounds like she comes with more drama than she’s worth. It sounds like you’ve already sort of started the “we’re really not bff’s anymore” process. Just don’t ask her. If she has a problem (and drama) with that decision, then you’ve got your answer. She’s not there for you, she would just want to get to play dress-up and feel important. Surround yourself with your real friends and your family. They are the ones who matter. 🙂 No it probably won’t be a pretty scene when she finds out she isn’t included, but better to have her drama pre-wedding than on the day of.
Post # 6
Sounds exactly like my best friend! So I will share my experience with her maybe it can help you…
She got married about 9 years ago and I was not invited to her wedding, even though we were best friends and always planned to be in each others weddings. I found out she was getting married because I saw her son at the salon with his grandmother getting his haircut the day before the wedding! Even though we talked fairly frequently. She said after I confronted her that she didn’t think my boyfriend at the time would “let” me come and she didn’t want to be dissappointed. It has been a source of contention in our relationship ever since but we moved past it.
So when I got engaged last summer, she was the second person I called (right after my mom) and of course I asked her to be my maid of honor. I did so knowing that she is a drama queen but I wanted her to be beside me since I don’t have any sisters. So seven months later- she told me that she thought I should choose someone else to be my maid of honor after I didn’t take her suggestion to go dress shopping with just her and not my mom or bridesmaids. It all became very dramatic and some hurtful things were said that I just cannot forgive at this point in my life. now we are NOT friends and she isn’t even invited to my wedding. Afterwards she apologized and said that it was because she was in crisis and I should have been able to recognize that this is the real reason she said what she did not because she didn’t want to do it. I was having none of it.
My point is- I wish I had just invited her to my wedding but not asked her to be my maid of honor because honestly knowing her, I knew there would be drama, but I asked her because I thought I had to. If I hadn’t maybe we would still have a relationship right now. So do what you feel is right and just be honest with her. Tell her that you want her to be there and you want to include her but you are thinking of other people to be in your wedding party and it’s not because you don’t love her.
Post # 7
@mandy72980: We have had arguements-discussions about our relationship and its always one sided! She always says ” you dont call me enough” Yet she wont call me for 3 weeks then call me like 4 times in one day when i am at work. Then she feels she is right! She lies alot! She never used to lie to me so i didnt really care. But now she is such a liar about everything in her life that I dont know what to believe. Lets just say If I was introduced to her now and i knew the things i know about her, I would not be her friend! I dont lie!! I am too hinets, its gets me in trouble often lol. I cannot trust her! That being said, I can trust her in certain ways but not in others. I feel like she is so fake now. I feel like she is just playing the game. Maybe we both hang on to the past and our old friendship. I think our friendship has ran its course. I do miss her often but then i think god i dont feel like dealing with her today! I want my old friend back. Not the new girl who i never know if she is telling the truth or acts like she lives in lala land and her life is super! WHen i know its not., her life is in the tubes right now. And she doesnt evern tell me! If my friend cannot confide in me then were not good friends.. move on!! The reason she cannot confide in me is because i know the truth, i know the lies she has told and she cannot get away with them with me. I hope this even makes sense.. thanks for listening to my rant!! ANd thanks for the advise. I hope you are doing well and happy now!! I will let you know how it goes!
Post # 8
@jenlee1: Oh girl I SOOOOO feel your pain! I have been through the exact SAME thing! My BFF and I were inseperable the past 13 years. You never saw one without the other. And I always put her first. Then she entered her third controlling relationship and I swear he has her possessed now. He controls everything she does to include who she can and cannot be friends with. I was one of the “cannots” because he saw me as a “bad influence” – how? I have no clue still. Maybe it is because I am in trusting relationship with my SO and like to still hang out with the girls — and her man has trust issues and never lets her out the house….. anyways… back to the story – when I got engaged, she was the first to know. Even before my mom. She acted like she was happy and agreed to be my Maid of Honor. That was a year ago. She has had absolutely no involvement – matter of fact last time I spoke to her was in August when I called to tell her Happy Birthday and she gave me the cold shoulder. Needless to say, she has been replaced, along with her duaghter who was to be my junior bride. And I really could not be anymore happier! I do not need (or care to have) part time friends, so while I am standing there with my FH saying our vows, I know deep down I will be surrounded by those who love us most.
Back to the situation at hand: I am not sure how many details of the wedding your BFF knows, but for me it was easy. Mine didnt know much other then we are getting married and she was asked to be a part of it. So when no invite arrives in her mailbox, she will be non the wiser. She may even think we split up – HAHA – and I have no hard feelings or ill will towards her. This may be the route you want to take…. the ball was just dropped between us, no communication at all. We do not even speak when we pass each in the grocery store.
I do wish you the best of luck though!
Post # 9
i was in a similar situation.
the people who are in your bridal party, should be people (in my opinion), who have seen you as a couple through good and bad times, and who you see being in your lives as a couple forever. if you have doubts about her as a friend now, that speaks volumes.
Post # 10
Thanks everyone.. I still havent spoke to my friend about any of this! I am now having nightmares about her..uugghhh!!!