(Closed) How do I not invite first cousins?

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
3182 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I think I would prefer no invitation at all then an explanation of why I didn’t make the cut. I think talking with your grandma might be a good idea though, so she could spread the word if asked.  I wouldn’t tell her that you are inviting your cousins on your other side, just that space is limited and you aren’t able to invite everyone that you would have liked. 

Post # 5
Member
1133 posts
Bumble bee

Yea, I feel like I don’t want to invite my cousins either. I only have one on my dad’s side so I will invite her and one cousin on my mom’s side that I grew up with and still talk to. But the others are all teenagers and I def want my aunts and uncles there. I feel like that’s messed up but I wouldn’t be offended if they didn’t invite me. We don’t even live in the same state….across the country actually!

So to answer your question. I would just prefer no explanation. And if anyone says anything, be honest. You are having a intimate gathering and that’s it. Especially if you haven’t seen or spoken to them, I don’t think it would be a huge deal, ya know?? It’s def a sticky situation though, I’m in the same boat!

Post # 6
Member
4366 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I would advise that whatever you do, someone will get upset over your decision.  It might not even be the cousins themselves! I was a first cousin who wasn’t invited.  I was hurt but didn’t really mind, however my parents ended up feeling they had no choice but to decline the invite if my brothers and I weren’t invited.  Only my grandparents went, and they spent the whole time with the other grandparents complaining about the fact that first cousins didn’t make the cut.

Post # 7
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee

I’m not inviting my first cousins on my mother’s side (or any of my father’s family other than my dad himself – long story). It would double the size of my wedding.  We are not saying anything to my cousins (for whom I don’t even have contact info), but my mother is spreading the word that it will be a small wedding and the Save the Dates went out, so it should be clear we are only inviting my uncles, who don’t seem to mind.

Post # 8
Member
1238 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Best to be clear. Talk to your Grandma so she can ‘spread the word’ and be specific about who you are inviting on the invite. I made the mistake of NOT being clear on my save-the-dates, and my family has  now assumed that it included the whole family, even the adult kids who don’t live at home anymore.

I wasn’t going to invite all of my first cousins either, to keep it small, and keep our costs down. But they all live within 2 hours of me! and now the word is out and everyone is so excited for it. I’ve already had to have the awkward talk with two of my older cousins, explaining that I cannot invite my second cousins. Yikes!

We had originally wanted only about 60-75 guests, and our list is at 130 now!!!

so yes, stick to your ‘guns’ and be clear, but not apologetic. You’ll thank yourself later! wish i could have taken my own advice a few months ago.. haha..

Post # 10
Member
217 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Yeah, I agree with the PPs. I wouldn’t offer an explanation, just send invites to those you really want to invite. My Fiance has a HUGE family (read–each of his parents had 11 siblings, big Catholic families). We’re not inviting all of his first cousins, just the ones he feels close to, because there are like 50 of them! We’re only inviting his favorite aunts and uncles, too. I have a VERY small family, and feel close to everyone in my family, so I’m inviting all my aunts, uncles and first cousins. When you have a big family and a small budget, sometimes you just have to do those things.

Post # 11
Member
63 posts
Worker bee

I’m so glad I found this post!  I’ve been going back and forth in my head about whether to invite my cousins or not…when the day comes.  I have never been close to any of them, so what’s the point?  The only thing is that they are all older than me, all married, and all of them had huge weddings where I was invited.  I plan on having a small wedding and honestly, I haven’t seen them in years, they aren’t a part of my life…so why bother?

If the shoe was on the other foot, and I was the one not being invited, I think I’d be like wtf at first, like I’m imagining that will be their reaction….but then I would be like ok, well, I never see them, we aren’t close, understandable…

Best of luck on whatever you decide!

Post # 12
Member
1542 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@ladyartichoke:  This is a great point. My mom’s niece did this last year and a bunch of people didn’t attend the wedding offended.

 

@spiral blue:  Just be prepared for people’s reaction and whenever someone asks make sure to point the size of the venue. One of the thing offending people at this cousin’s wedding was the fact that the place was huge and nearly empty, she did have space she just chose not to inveite people.

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