Post # 1
Member
26 posts
Newbee
Hi Bees!
First, let me start by saying that our wedding is family only (and the family friends that raised us like their own). The wedding will be all about our love and the love we have for everyone in the room. Unfortunately, our guests can be a bit stubborn – but with good intentions!
Our problem is that both of our families feel bad when they don’t give people gifts – like when all the kids moved out and started getting too old for birthday gifts, my mom would always have to give us something. The kindness is a great quality to have, but for our wedding we’d prefer that no one bring gifts, cards, money, etc. They’re here to have a big, fun party, not get flustered over finding something to put on a gift table. Plus, my fiance and I have enough.. stuff. You know? We have the blender, the toaster, we don’t need gift cards. We’re at stable points in our careers and lives and don’t need anything, let alone anyone worrying about the perfect thing to buy us. My mother in law says that tradition states that most people will try to bring something and to leave the issue alone.
So, how do we politely but firmly say that we’d like them to just enjoy themselves? I don’t want to come off as rude, but I’m thinking of doing a lighthearted insert on our invitations.. something like “your love is more than we could ever ask for. Please, no wedding gifts!”. A friend suggested a page on our wedding website saying as much and adding links to charities we support if they must do something.
Anyone run into this issue or have any ideas?
Post # 2
Member
2425 posts
Buzzing bee
There are actually lots of post about this certain topic. DO NOT PUT ANYTHING IN YOUR INVITE about gifts. If people want to give you gifts they will. There really isn’t anything you can do about that but I think the best way would be word of mouth just let your family know.
Post # 3
Member
9519 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
If they MUST give something then you can say “we appreciate your generosity, in leue of gifts you may donate to -charity of your choice-“
Post # 4
Member
205 posts
Helper bee
Perhaps you could put an enclosure with your invites asking in lieu of gifts, please donate to x charity in our names. Perhaps people will get the gist? Then you don’t have to worry about getting gifts, people can “get” you something for your wedding, and others are recieving help from your happiness and joy!
Post # 5
Member
205 posts
Helper bee
theatrejulia: We were on the same wavelength!
Post # 6
Member
927 posts
Busy bee
It sounds like it won’t do any good anyway so I wouldn’t bother. Look at it this way – if your families feel bad when they don’t/can’t give gifts, do you really want to force that on them? After all, you want your guests to be happy! 🙂
Post # 7
Member
1124 posts
Bumble bee
+1 to above poster. The people who want to give you gifts will no matter what. If people ask you can say you would prefer no gifts. And if they get you something, you can either give it away or return it if you really don’t need it!
Post # 8
Member
9152 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
You could opt not to register, and when asked, suggest people buy themselves a gift. Tell them “no, really, I mean it — all we want is for you to enjoy yourself. I know you love buying gifts, so this time buy yourself something. It would make us so happy.”
Understand though, that if they give you something anyway, it’s your duty to accept it graciously. (and send thank you notes of course) (but you knew that part)
Post # 9
Member
26 posts
Newbee
Bored6: I think you’re probably right. After I typed it all out I realized I probably won’t be able to influence them either way.
Daisy_Mae: I LOVE this idea. I really hope they’d take it!
Thanks, girls. I can always count on you to put my head on straight 🙂
Post # 10
Member
119 posts
Blushing bee
elienne: I have an aunt who is crazy about gift-giving. Seriously, she brings little gifts (and sometimes big ones) to even the most casual get-togethers, to the point where it’s awkward sometimes (“Uhhh, thanks, so sorry I didn’t bring anything for you at this random family Tuesday night dinner..”) Those of us who know her well know that she does it out of love, and for her own reasons. Rejecting her advances is not only futile, but HURTFUL to her. And I try to keep that in mind when “politely refusing gifts”… sometimes guests are determined to do it, no matter what you say. It would be more rude of you to force it on them on the invitation or otherwise, than to just politely accept what they bring.
Don’t put it on the invitation. Send the “no gifts” message through word of mouth, and put it on your website. Be prepared to still get gifts, it’s just gonna happen no matter what you do. And send a touching thank-you card 
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This reply was modified 5 years, 11 months ago by sea.brunette.
Post # 11
Member
558 posts
Busy bee
You could register at a store that you like to shop at, even if you don’t need stuff. Then at least you could return it and have store credit waiting.
Alternatively, you could ask people to make a donation to a charity in you and your husband’s new name.
Post # 12
Member
1640 posts
Bumble bee
Getting someone a gift is really not that hard, especially off a registry. It won’t take away from anyone having a great time celebrating your marriage. And some people really like gifting. Some won’t gift even if you print your registry right on the front of the envelope LOL <I’m just assuming.
So, I’d say choose your battles and this one isn’t worth worrying over. Let others make their choice about it. Make a registry or don’t. That’s all.
Post # 13
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee
I agree with other posters but also if I were a guest that actually listened and didnt give you a gift and most other people did that would make me feel terrible. I think you need to need to nominate a charity or just accept gifts.
Post # 14
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
If you are having a wedding with guests, you will be getting gifts. There really isn’t a polite way to say no gifts. If I were invited to a no gift wedding, so I didn’t get one, but other people did, I would feel like an idiot. Do your registry at a store you shop often, like one with a grocery section, so you can return what you don’t want/need and you can at least have groceries for a while.
Post # 15
Member
393 posts
Helper bee
elienne: You can direct them to my registry…problem solved.