(Closed) How do I politely invite someone to arrive after dinner?

posted 12 years ago in Reception
Post # 17
Member
250 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Honestly, I think the nicest thing to do would be to not invite them, period.  It doesn’t really matter who they are or whether or not they’re in a relationship, it would be pretty weird to tell them they’re only allowed to attend half the party, and will likely cause some hurt feelings.  And you’re talking about such a small group, those 10 people are going to feel really awkward when they get there and see that you had 150 people at dinner.  It’s sort of like saying to them, “Out of the 160 people we wanted to invite to our wedding, you guys were the 10 least important.”

Post # 19
Member
2492 posts
Buzzing bee

Also don’t automatically assume that not everyone will show up. I’ve been to more than a couple weddings where the bride and groom commented that they were shocked that the entire guestlist showed up and were told by everyone under the sun to only expect 2/3 at most.

Post # 20
Member
517 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I think 150 is a big enough number to cut your guest list down and include only the people who will fit for the whole reception. I think you should create an actual “B list” of people to invite after you get enough “no” rsvps, but don’t even tell people they’re invited at all until you know there’s room for them.

Post # 21
Member
337 posts
Helper bee

I agree that theres no polite way to do this. You either invite them to the whole reception or nothing at all. You could however invite them to an after party at a different location

Post # 22
Member
73 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2010 - Stage 6 Steiner Studios

Is it possible to cut a few couples or people coming from out of town? 150 people is a large enough event that your 10 guests will know immediately they didnt make the cut. I agree w/the bee who said to ask your venue if they can squeeze in another table somehow — maybe make the dancefloor smaller or a different configuration. Everything is negotiable!

Post # 23
Member
75 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

You’re kind of in a pickle in part because you’re having a fairly large reception.  If you were having only immediate family (as in 20 or so people) I would say to invite them to an after party at a different venue.  For instance, FH and I are having an afterparty at our friend’s restaurant (although we dont intend to invite non-wedding guests) which is down the street from our reception site.  Still, it may even then come off as a bit shifty.  If the college buddies didn’t make the list, then they didn’t. Heck, they’re guys anyway and may even be glad to not have to dress up!

Post # 24
Member
1236 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2020

I dunno I may feel like the only one who think it may be okay, to an extent. I would probably only mention it to someone I know I adore and could be honest with it without taking offense. Like you said if its mostly your FI’s college buddies, I don’t assume everyone is so hung up on the formality and etiquette of it all.  But I would only do it if I felt they wouldn’t be offended and would be willing to come later on. 

And to avoid any problems of them arriving too early/late you could get one of your BMs to text/message them when its good to go. 

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