(Closed) How do I reconcile two different 'Love Languages'?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
Member
82 posts
Worker bee

@Bainise2013:  I understand that it’s not about money. My point is that trying to change someone who is programmed differently (in terms of love language) will be extremely challenging, why not just satisfy yourself (buying yourself gifts) and let him love you the way he knows how (through tasks). 

Post # 33
Member
346 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Jaey:  

I do get what you arre saying; however I think a person’s partner should be willing to work for something that is important to their spouse. My Fiance does not get why my love language rocks my world, but he tries because he kows that it means so much to me. Buying yourself gifts is so not the same as having the one you love fulfil your love language. IME, people become sad/resentful/bitter/rejected if their main love lanaguage isn’t met.

 

Post # 34
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

My husbands love language is touch(cuddling, touching, lovey dovey) and mine is writing(i love to write, that is how I best express myself). We often have a hard time because I am not “touchy feely” enough for him and he can be too touch feely for me lol. Communication is key though, we often have to remind each other what the other one needs. 

Specific suggestions work well, but in my opinion it only works well if both of you want it to work. We just constantly communicate and remind eachother than our love languages are different to make sure we go the extra mile occasionally and do something in their “language” so to speak so he or I feel special. 

We have also just began to accept our languages are compleatly different and are learning how to handle that, but commucation is key.

: )

Post # 35
Member
3073 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

@howsweetitis:  This is so funny, made me laugh.

Ugh, the people who must be showered with crap, how I hate that. I”m the opposite, of course, and few things make me happier than cleaning out my house and taking stuff to Goodwill or to the dumpster.

The most depressing Christmas of my life was when my frieind who is very much into cheap crap from China (CCC) decided that she was going to recreate the Christmas of her childhood and get everyone a pile ‘o crap just like we all had when we were little kiddies. God, it was awful, the armloads I had to haul home. Between me and DH we probably ended up with 40 items. And then there were the usual presents from his family.

My family cut out all of that crap gifting years ago.

Post # 36
Member
2803 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Hey OP, any update? How did you go?

Post # 41
Member
2831 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Schrodingers-Car:  Just want to say I feel for you.  Not only does my husband not at all understand why I’d want something and not just go buy it – he is so cheap!  Why do you need that at all?  Now I want to cry because I don’t need it, I want it, and I want you to want to get it for me, but you’ve made me feel like a greedy bitch for wanting that.  We’re doing better, but it’s a struggle. 

Post # 43
Member
2803 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@Schrodingers-Car:  ๐Ÿ™ I’m sorry that it’s not getting better. Have you actually sat down and talked with him about it yet? Done the “check-up”? Has he gone back and re-read the gift giving chapter? Have you given him suggestions? I think it’s really important to specifically tell him “I am unhappy, I do not feel loved”

This part is the most important in my book:

“A gift is something you can hold in your hand and say, “Look, he was thinking of me,” or “she remembered me.” You must be thinking of someone to give him a gift. The gift itself is a symbol of that thought. It doesn’t matter whether it costs money. What is important is that he thought of you. And it is not the thought implanted only in the mind that count, but the thought expressed in actually securing the gift and giving it as the expression of love”. 

If you can’t get him to re-read the chapter, perhaps print this out for him? 

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