(Closed) How do I reconcile two different 'Love Languages'?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 47
3073 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

@Schrodingers-Car:  ah sorry, I enjoyed howsweetitis’ description of her mom’s need for, ah, lovely things and got too revved up in the moment.

To some people it IS the quantity that is important, though.


Post # 49
1878 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

By the way, we have also read a book called “Communication Miracles for Couples” (the author’s name is Johnathon Robinson) which talks about how to fill someone’s “love tank.”
It’s a rather novel concept that really helped us to better understand that in order for one partner to be happy, the other needs to put in an effort… but that a one-sided effort carried the risk of eventually making both partners miserable. It ties in directly with the Love Languages concept.

Actually, the communication book referred to the love languages book, and that’s why I bought it! It helped us to understand the concept a bit better (we’re not perfect at it, but we’re trying!)

We are terrible communicators and the book did help us a little bit. We review it occasionally, and we do the questions in the back every Sunday to help us understand the state each of us is in.

It’s a good book to look into – I really reccomend it if you’re having trouble expressing yourself. I’d suggest reading it on your own at first, then having him read it, then reading it together. That’s how we did it and it helped spur discussions when we got to certain points we both agreed or disagreed with.

Post # 50
492 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I know how you feel.  My love language is words of affection and my DH shows his love through action.  We had some conversations where I got pretty emotional during the time we were dating where I told him I don’t feel that he loves me if he doesn’t tell me.  In his mind he SHOWS me all the time and he said he will try harder.  It still takes me prompting him a bit but I made a decision before we were engaged that I had to accept who he is. 

Now I do my best to recognize that those things he does for me is the same for him as him telling me I look pretty etc…  On the flip side, I try to show him I love him by cleaning the kitchen, cooking for him even though my tendency is to tell him. 

In your case I think open communication about it every so often along with some acceptance about who they are is important.  The bottom line is that he should make an effort to understand your needs and you need to make an effort to accept this about him. 

Good luck!

Post # 52
16 posts
  • Wedding: December 2015

Bumping this thread as I am going through a similar frustration…


@Schrodingers-CarHow has it been going? Feel free to message me if you would like to vent or swap strategies. I am going through a similar problem with my Fiance 🙁 

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