(Closed) How do I respond to snarky remarks without being snarky back?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2863 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Just smile. How you spend your money is no one else’s business and nothing you say will ever change the minds of people with that mindset. 

Post # 4
Member
3254 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@mixtapehearts: Great advice. If it makes you feel any better, we received criticism from the other end of the spectrum. DH’s mom didn’t think we spent enough. You just can’t win. 🙂

Post # 5
Member
1749 posts
Bumble bee

@SamanthaLovesJames: Smile and don’t tell anyone what you spend. Its hard to make a comment about something you don’t know.

Post # 7
Member
1160 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

1. “Different strokes!” or “to each their own” or something similar, always with a smile. When people say something like that they are hoping you’ll rush to justify your choice and in so doing, make them feel superior about their choice.

2. “I’m sorry to hear that. We would love to have you there. Is there something you would like to talk about?” For a best friend to say something hurtful like that, then s/he is upset about something and hiding it by being rude, or just being a huge tool. Either way it is best to approach the situation in a nice way and go from there.

3. “We are comfortable with what we are planning,” or, “Money is so boring to talk about. How ’bout those Ravens.”

 

You’re not being oversensitive. Some people should learn that if you have nothing nice to say, then keep it to yourself!

Post # 8
Member
46606 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Paste a smile on your face and say ” Thanks for your opinion” (feedback update) etc – whatever is appropriate.

Post # 9
Member
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Only you and your Fiance need to know how much you are spending, truly… and honestly, whatever makes you happy is what you guys should be doing.

Just brush it off and don’t feed back to that negativity. Obviously, you know what you and your Fiance can handle planning-wise financially. Try to enjoy all the positives.. I know, easier said than done sometimes. 🙂

Bottom line-don’t let anyone make you upset about your wedding! Do what you want and HAVE FUN! 🙂

Post # 10
Member
7606 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@SamanthaLovesJames: To the first commenter, “Well we’re really looking forward to being able to spend the day with all our friends and family.” *big smile*

To the second person (your BF), “That’s too bad! We’d really love to have you there.” and, if she really is your best friend, I think I would ask her what party she’s planning to go to SIX MONTHS in advance.  Honestly.

As far as the third comment goes, I definitely agree to not tell anyone else what you’re paying – it’s none of their beeswax!

Post # 12
Member
11418 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

Some (not necessarily all) of the people who feel compelled to tell you how much money they saved by NOT doing things that you’re doing could just be trying to make themselves feel better that they didn’t end up having some of the things you’ve decided to have.  They may not have done certain things because of a lack of available budget, or their FIs or parents weren’t supportive of the ideas, etc., not just because those things weren’t or aren’t important to them. However, I do agree with Soladylike that people cannot comment on what they do not know, so, it’s best not to share too many specific details with people unless you don’t mind them offering their opinions. 

Although you do not owe anyone an explanation, I totally understand your wanting to be armed with a few positive and friendly “talking points” when something such as this happens, so that the conversation doesn’t turn negative or so that you just don’t have to resort to an uncomfortable silence.

When you receive comments such as those you’ve mentioned, you could respond in a very sweet and polite manner, while still affirming your choice to spend your money they way that you and your Fiance desire.  For example:

“Nothing against your wedding but I’m glad I got married in court because we saved alot of money.”

Response: “I bet that DID save a lot of money, and I’m so glad you and (her DH) were able to have the type of wedding you wanted. I realize that some people may not agree with our priorities, but having a big wedding and celebrating our special day with our family and friends is just something that is really important to FI and me.”

“I may not make it to your wedding because I have a party to go to” (Did your best friend really say this??!!)

Response:  “Well, I just want you to know that Fiance and I really cannot imagine not having you there to share our special day with us. You are such an important part of our lives, and we really want you to be there.  However, I know that our having selected any specific date means that there are going to be some people who are just not able to attend.  I’m just really sad that you don’t think you can be there.  If anything changes before our RSVP deadline and you are able to be with us, please let me know.”

“You’re paying this much for flowers and that much for a photographer…I think you are overdoing it for one day” 

Response (for those you’ve already told, who bring up the subject again):  “I know it’s a lot of money — there definitely is a lot of ‘sticker shock’ involved in wedding planning! I am just so grateful that Fiance and I are in a position to be able to pay for our own wedding, and we’re concentrating our funds on things that really matter to us, such as having fresh flowers and a great photographer.”

I hope some of this helps!

Post # 13
Member
887 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

people get really weird about weddings and money, which i never understand because it’s not like i’m asking YOU to pay for my flowers. in fact, you’re not even invited… so when i get snarky comments from these people, i lie. =P

well, not entirely. i keep all my answers vauge and downplay everything to make it seem cheaper… 

“oh, i can’t remember how much i paid for my photographer off the top of my head but she gave me a discount because i’m getting married on a sunday in february, which is the off season”

“i’m still working out the details of the contract”

and my favorite… “omg, you were so smart to elope. planning this wedding is stressing me out beyond belief, but what can i say? Future Mother-In-Law is demanding the whole shebang for her only child…”

 

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