(Closed) How do I respond to this text?

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
924 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

It’s hard to tell the tone from a text but I think it sounds like she’s just completely stressed out right now. I would leave it alone for a bit and try and call her in a few weeks to see how she’s doing.

Post # 4
Member
757 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@MissKit:  Don’t stress too much! I’m sure she will do it next week and if she doesn’t order the dress in time then you have your answer as to whether or not she wants to be in the wedding. I have a friend who is like this, every time we organize something that she isn’t 100% in control of she says she is “so busy” and can’t make it. You just have to leave it alone. I would just respond and say “I’m sorry, I know its the week before break, let me know when you are around next week so we can go. The dresses have to be ordered by x date to come in before the wedding.”

Post # 5
Member
2363 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - B&B

It’s really hard to figure out a way to do this, especially since it sounds like she WONT get back to you, but I honestly wouldn’t say anything by text. I wouldn’t text her back at all. I would try, try try try, to see her in person or call her on the phone to chat.

Texts can become a bit of a problem since it’s hard to tell tone. You may be saying it in the nicest way possible, and she could take it sarcastically. You know? You may say “Oh I didn’t mean to bother you, I do understand you’re busy. Maybe we could catch up later though?” and mean it quite nicely, and she could read it as “Oh, fine. I guess you’re too busy and important. Be that way.” So to protect yourself, I just wouldn’t text back.

Is there a deadline that the dress has to be ordered by? I mean, I know there is always one at some point lol, but how far away is it? Is there anyone else who’s a mutual friend, you could ask the mutual friend, “Hey, is so and so ok? I know she’s SUPER busy and I don’t want to bug her with wedding stuff if I don’t have to, do you know if she has a break coming up or anything?”

I will say this: Even if your friend is THAT busy, it’s still not so hard to send a text “So sorry! I’m out of my mind busy, I will catch up with you! Promise! :)”. And as a friend, if she truly is that busy, she should evaluate her commitments. If it ever happened to me where I became to busy to do the basics of being a bridesmaid (getting my dress, communicating about that ONE thing to the bride) I would hope I would recognize that I should step down so I don’t let down my friend. So I get that you’re frustrated and hurt 🙁

Post # 6
Member
960 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@MissKit:  I would send the nice response. It may sting but take the nicely intended route for now. Texting/emailing etc can always be taken a way that it shouldn’t. My Fiance always tells me when I get mad that if something he says can be taken two ways, he ment the nice one. Its hard to think at the time that the upsetting message is actually intended to be okay… but its better than getting upset, you’ll waste more time.

When you go with your Bridesmaid or Best Man tomorrow ask the Salon when would be the latest someone could order their Bridesmaid or Best Man dress from that designer and still make it in time. Then you’ll get a timeline you can use with the difficult one to give yourself more peace of mind.

People do get busy and often other’s weddings aren’t at the top of their list, and TBH if I had to co-ordinate my schedule with a Salon’s and someone elses… around Easter? Probably not going to happen 😛 And I don’t consider myself that “busy”

Post # 7
Member
4313 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I wouldn’t respond.  If you do, I’d just be like “Okay, sounds good.”

Post # 8
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

That would really hurt me too – this isn’t even about bridesmaid duties, she’s just being a crappy friend! You’re not being all wedding-obsessed, you’ve asked what’s going on in her life and expressed the need to want to catch up…and she totally ignored you. Then you send a nice text message following up, and she sends you back a totally bitchy response about how she doesn’t have time?! I mean, yeah, people’s lives do get crazy, friendship is about give and take, and it does often work out where one person has more to give to the frienship than the other does, it’s a back and forth thing. But I don’t care what your life circumstances are, if you haven’t found the time for even a five minute phone call for a close friend who has been trying hard to reach out to you, you’re being an awful friend – no one is THAT busy.

I’d say call her, but doubtful that she’d answer. I’d be REALLY tempted to send a snarky text back – something along the lines of, “Clearly your life is very busy – so why don’t I make it less busy for you? Don’t worry about calling me back, texting me back, telling me how stuff is going with you, hanging out, being a bridesmaid, or any of that. I’m busy too, but I make time for people who are important to me, and you obviously couldn’t care less about this friendship or my life.” …And then I would end up deleting the message before I sent it, quit reaching out to her, and pretty much just let the friendship fade out on it’s own. I wouldn’t be surprised if she just totally lets communication drop and that’s how the frienship and your contact with eachother ends, which is sad, but sometimes how it is. If she does get back in touch with you weeks/months later I’d basically just tell her it’s too late to get the dress now and you won’t be bothering her anymoe, you made an effort to reach out and maintain the friendship, and she made it very clear that she wasn’t interested and didn’t have the time.

Post # 11
Member
11234 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Mrgh. I’m on your side. She does sound annoyed, and that would really bother me. I’m busy. I have friends who are busy. We STILL find time to do stuff together, or communicate (usually via text) and not be bitchy, especially my bridesmaids.

@Sunnyday278:  Thisssssss. She’s being incredibly disrespectful. I absolutely do not expect my BMs to come to everything, or be able to coordinate schedules with everyone, but I DO expect that they can communicate with me so that we can keep our friendship AND get wedding stuff (that they’re involved in) done.

Post # 12
Member
3101 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

@MissKit:  this girl sounds terrible. I would never ever treat a friend the way she is treating you. It’s really mean and disrespectful. Isn’t the point of a friend to care about each other and be in each other’s lives? Wedding aside, she hasn’t reached out or responded to you in 5 months. This person would be out of my wedding and life. She can’t be counted on and doesn’t care! Not trying to be harsh but she is not going to bring anything positive to your day or life. 

Post # 13
Member
960 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@MissKit:  If that’s what you’re thinking… then do it ! Just don’t respond to her and let her to come to you. If she misses the mark or by the time she’s interested you’re fine without her, just let her know that she missed the deadline for the dresses and if she wants she can still attend the wedding but wont be able to stand beside you.

Post # 14
Member
1281 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@MissKit:  I seriously understand what you’re going through.  I’m dealing with a similar thing right now.  I just don’t get it.  If you don’t “like” us enough to sustain the friendship, don’t accept the invite to be in the wedding.  If you’re too busy to be bothered with a single dress fitting, don’t accept the invite to be in the wedding.  And it’s not like everything is about the wedding either, she’s being a crappy friend from the get-go…you’re trying to get in touch with her and catch up and be a good friend to her.  

It just sucks because when people do this stuff, it DOES put a damper on and throws a wrench in wedding planning.  Don’t feel bad, you’ve done everything right.  It sounds like you’re being a really good friend to her and very patient and understanding.  

Post # 15
Member
1281 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Wonderstruck:  OMG I love you.  Reading that response was like therapy to me.  

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