(Closed) How do I respond?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 47
Member
9950 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

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@MsMonkey:  You said…

What…really? This girl seems like she’s been totally appropriate. The OP made is clear she has specific standards for the color and this girl is trying to meet them. Sure, she’s probably rolling her eyes a little internally (I would be too) but it sounds like she’s trying! 

Actually… I don’t think that is the case…

Certainly not how it reads to me on how this all went down.

Knowing the OP as I do, I would guess she didn’t set a Dress / Colour Code in any such way for her Guests prior to this.

This Guest contacted her.

A Guest asking a Host a Question is totally appropriate.

(Where is the Church – Any Hotels You Recommend – How Formal is this Event – Where is the Bride Registered ?… and yes even Is This Dress Appropriate ?)

BUT when you honestly ask a Question, then you accept an honest answer.  And go with that information.

The fact the the Guest then “snarked” back a reply… (Your Standards) shows to me that she perhaps did what she did on purpose… asking to begin with.

This was essentially a passive agreessive case of one-upmanship she wished to get into with the Bride2B.  Period.

As the OP said, they have a bit of history in this regard already.

The OP has been honest in her reply to the orignal Question.  What happens next is ALL ON the Guest and what she CHOOSES to do.


Post # 48
Member
11736 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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@gingerkitten:  there’s nothing wrog with the dress. She’s not going to be in tons of pictures with you so who cares? Trust me this is one thing that really won’t matter afterwards. I’d choose your battles.

Post # 49
Member
2564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

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@This Time Round:  None of us actually know the bride or the guest in person.  So to assume the guest asked about the dress in the first place to get a rise out of the bride is a huge assumption.  She probably thought there was going to be no problem with the dress, and then was surprised and maybe ticked off with the answer.  From the responses here many other posters think there is no problem with the dress so may have responded the same way as the guest.

To say the motive of the guest all along was to start a pissing contest with the bride is a beig leap.

Post # 50
Member
9950 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

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@pixiecat:  True enough… I don’t know either the Bride or the Guest in person.

BUT I do know a bit about the type of person that the OP is from their posting history… they have shown a pattern on WBee of being very conscious about being considerate to their Guests in all regards.

I would say, that based on that… that she is a well-mannered woman.

As for the rest of your comments… I am confused.  Did you actually read the whole story as it was laid out here (including the Updates)

And IF someone thought there might not be any issue with their outfit… trust me they wouldn’t ask anyone… they’d just go ahead & wear it.

The whole scenario was totally above board in favour of the Guest… until she said “Your Standards”

That is where it went off the rails… and now The Bride is coming off as the one with poor manners (which as I say above, I sincerely doubt, based on what I know of her)

Clearly I believe now that she was baiting the Bride… as the OP has said the two of them have some history.

 

Post # 51
Member
3120 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

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@This Time Round:  I completely agree with you “See if it meets your standards” is downright bitchy.  

OP, sounds to me like she set you up.  She was hoping you’d just roll over and you didn’t so now she’s pissed and is making it sound like you’re the demanding bride.

I’d text her back and say, “Don’t go through all the trouble.  If you’re set on the dress, wear it and have fun!  That’s all I care about.”

I really wouldn’t put up the fight.  “I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.”

Post # 52
Member
9541 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

If it was me, I wouldn’t worry about this a bit. Really, it’s just not worth getting upset or having drama. And I just don’t think it’s that big of a deal, personally. But I was never too worried about someone pulling focus during pictures. My uncle wore a bright purple shirt and fedora and one of my best guy friends wore a white suit. Both super eye catching and awesome. I loved both their outfits and was glad they wore them because they felt good and had a great time. You’ll have so much going on that day, this should be the least of your worries! But that’s me. If it’s really important to you, then take her up on her offer to send it to you, or just be honest and say that you would prefer she not wear it.

Post # 53
Member
3120 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

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@pixiecat:  Why would she have asked permission if she didn’t think it was inappropriate?  I don’t ask permission for things I think are fine to begin with.  

 

Post # 54
Member
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

The dress is clearly not white. A young lady wore a similar dress to my cousin’s wedding in September, no one confused her dress for the color white. I think you should let it go, you’re the bride and everyone coming to your wedding knows who they are there to see.

Post # 56
Member
2203 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

At this point, I’d tell her you really don’t have time to look at pictures and she should just use her best judgement. I think by responding, you’re giving her the attention she’s looking for.

Post # 58
Member
9950 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

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@gingerkitten:  (( HUGS )) I feel for you hon in this situation.

You are damned if you do… and damned if you don’t.

Truly sounds to me, like she set you up on purpose to fail.

I know you from your posting history, so I know you aren’t the one to initiate this drama.  You have always been the consummate Host.

Lol, it will be interesting to see what she does next as you have put the ball back in her court… and she’d much rather see you being the one scrambling to chase it.

Just stay the high road…

Those who know & love you will see her for what she truly is.

((HUGS)) again.

 

Post # 59
Member
859 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@gingerkitten:  maybe this is the unpopular opinion here, and I do stick by the fact that you’re the bride and can say what you want in terms of dress, however… 

is your wedding in April? So it’s a spring wedding, right? Do you not want your guests to wear pastels? I think that the first picture does look yoo light, but in a clear non-mirror pic it looks DEFINITELY pastel peach and I think it’s definitely appropriate. i would be more offended by someone wearing fire engine red or something! I totally understand your right to be the only one wearing white. I just think it’s overkill to claim the whole pastel color group as unacceptable. 

Post # 60
Member
1668 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Church

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@gingerkitten:  Personally, I think you responded wonderfully. How else do you say someone tactfully I don’t want you wearing that when they ask you straight up? I also think the first photo (though it may be a case of a very bad camera washing the dress out) made the dress look quite white. The other thing is that there is now a trend for that kind of colour … Ugh. If she asks any more questions just say something along the lines of “I trust you will know what is appropriate, thank you for being so considerate though”. People really suck sometimes.

Post # 61
Member
7592 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

How many pictures will she actually be in? I’m guessing not many if you guys aren’t close… if that’s the case- let it go

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