(Closed) How Do I Say No?!

posted 5 years ago in Family
  • poll: Should I tell fiance's grandmother that we don't need an engagement party?
    NO, It would be rude to decline her gracious offer : (82 votes)
    73 %
    YES ,It's ultimately about you and if you don't want one that's fine. : (30 votes)
    27 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1855 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Is it possible to compromise and ask her to host a casual gathering of friends/family instead of a formal engagement party?  

    Post # 4
    Member
    7739 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Ah, grandmothers… yeah I’ve been there, accepting things I didn’t really want.  I think you should suck it up and accept the offer graciously. For the price of being a little uncomfortable, you will get a lot of brownie points with FI’s family.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1032 posts
    Bumble bee

    @Soon_To_Be_Mrs_T:  It’s not like his grandmother is picking out your dress or anything… I think she’s just extending a kind gesture, and wants to do something nice for you both. If you’re really upset about it, just kindly tell her that you’re uncomfortable with the idea. But if the idea of hurting her feelings would be worse than you just sucking it up for a day, and accepting a party thrown by her, on your behalf, then agree to the engagement party. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    4606 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    If you don’t want to upset her, why not agree to the party only if it’s a small one and pretty low key? Like going out to a nice dinner or something? Would she be ok with that? I’m sure if you explained it to her she would be fine with it.

    Post # 7
    Hostess
    7561 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2013

    I understand not wanting to be the center of attention, but most engagement parties I’ve been to are pretty laid back and everyone mingles. It’s not like a wedding shower where there are games and people are looking at you. 

    Either way, you can always kindly decline. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    3763 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I think if she’s offering to do something so generous for you guys you should accept it graciously. If you turn her down she may take it as a snub and you don’t want that to be the last nice thing she ever offers to do!

    Post # 9
    Member
    2555 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    Just say exactly what you told us:

    You really appreciate the offer and think it’s a lovely gesture but you discussed it with your Fiance and prefer no not have a party in your honor since it makes you a little uncomfortable.

     

    It is NOT offensive to decline.

    Post # 10
    Member
    196 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    The grandmother obviously is excited about your up coming nuptuials. She wants to show her handsome grandson and future bride to be off. Take it and run with it girl. Not everyone has these kind of in-laws. I understand the not wanting to be the center of attention, but planning a wedding forces you to be. As I have been told there are only so many days in a girls life that she gets to have the entire rooms eyes on her. Wedding stuff and when you have children. Enjoy it. Also speaking as a person who has had both an engagement party and a bridal shower it is not that bad. It can actually be a lot of fun. It is nice to see so many people that care about you and your future spouse all in one room enjoying your excitement!!!

     

    Post # 11
    Member
    2555 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    @hollyberry4:  so if you want to marry at the courthouse and somebody offers to pay for a big reception you should accept just cause it’s a generous gesture? i don’t agree with this.

    Post # 12
    Member
    2952 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 1998

    I think I’d keep her happy and just have something small, close family and friends.

    I think it’s really sweet of her to want to throw you one 🙂

    Post # 13
    Member
    668 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    What’s the harm in making an old woman happy? Not that she’s neccessarily “old” but you get my drift. I understand not wanting to be the center of attention, but you’re going to have to get used to it. You will have more say in how the wedding day goes but I think it would be rude to reject someone who only wants to do something nice for you. I agree with @AlwaysSunny:  engagement parties are more mingling versus the bridal shower.

    But ultimately, you don’t HAVE to do something you don’t want to do.

    Post # 14
    Member
    3763 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @bebero: it an engagement party, not a wedding. Huge difference. FI’s fam wanted to throw us one but we didn’t want a big deal so we had a small afternoon barbecue type get together. It was actually nice for the family and friends to get to know each other. Its fine if she doesn’t want to accept, but you just need to consider the possibility that the grandmother may just take it as a snub. You just need to weigh if it is worth that risk or not to let her throw you the party. OP obviously knows the grandmother better than us so would have a better idea about how she would take it.

    Post # 15
    Member
    1227 posts
    Bumble bee

    I would suck it up and just let her. It’s a couple of hours, it might prove to be a good time, and you can’t blame her for wanting to do something special for her grandson. 

    Might as well start to accept that weddings are about more than the bride and groom – – they are very much family affairs. You’ll likely find yourself having to pick your battles down the road and this really doesn’t seem like one worth fighting. Quite honestly, if I were in her shoes, I would be offended if my generous offer was rejected, and even more so if it was my grandson’s Fiance that shot it down. 

    Post # 16
    Member
    430 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2013 - The Skinner Barn

    @Soon_To_Be_Mrs_T:  I can see why it would make you uncomfortable and I’m sure that you could find a tactful way to decline, but I think it might be best for your relationship with her to just accept. She wants a little piece of the celebration and it’s very generous of her to offer. It’s why my aunt is throwing me a second bridal shower. She wants have a celebration, which is very nice.

    If I were you, I would accept but in a way that makes your wishes clear. Like “That’s so nice of you to offer and we really appreciate it. I would love to just have a small get-together to celebrate with close family and friends if that would be okay with you”

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