Post # 1
It seems like things just keep getting worse and worse. My SO has never been in the best financial shape, but he was well off enough to be able to support us both while I am in college. But things have never been good enough for him to feel comfortable enough with getting married — and lately it’s gotten worse as he’s been moved to an hourly wage and has not been called in to work for the last 6 weeks which means money is even tighter.
It constantly feels like things keep getting in the way of us getting married
That means I’m finding it harder to deal with the fact that I’m in a 7 year long relationship, especially when it feels like things will never get better and I’m finding it really hard to remain positive about things. I don’t want to discuss it too much with my SO for two reasons 1) I’m on a shut it up pact and 2) he’s depressed enough as it is without me putting more pressure on him.
How do I keep positive and not allow all this to depress me bees?
Post # 3
@Rananteriel: Aww hugs. It such a stressful situation to be in and I can understand your frustration but really you have to accept it for what it is. It’s not that your SO doesn’t want to get engaged, but obviously is a result of financial difficulties. You have to take a step back and look at the big picture. Do you want to be with someone who isn’t able to support you financially and may never have his ish together enough to afford an engagement ring, among many other things? Or after 7 years are you willing to support him through this difficult time and hope that things improve? It’s up to you.
Post # 4
At 7 years he should know he wants you in his life so if a marriage is important to you then it should be important to him. If I were you, I would support him through this difficult time and when things get better and he gets back to work then I would bring it up. You deserve to get out of life what you want and if a marriage is one of those things you have to fight for what you want out of life. Sometimes men just need the seed planted.
Post # 5
I find that many of my male friends honestly believe that their financial well-being is indicative of their “manliness”. It’s very possible that he feels like he’s not “man-enough” to marry you unless he is comfortable financially. Perhaps, you can convince him that you love him regardless of his financial standing, and that the most important thing to you is your relationship, not your money situation?
Post # 6
@photograbee: +1. My SO was in a similar situation. He was management in salary then got bumped to hourly, which did hell for his finances. He is back to being salary and is much better but it did get me down. This happened when we were at the 3-4 year mark. I had asked his BFF why he wasn’t putting a ring on it and he explained to me that he didn’t feel secure in making the commitment to me when he was finding it exceedingly hard to support his own self. I had to understand that and now that he has gotten is salary possition back and is making more money, we moved in together and I take care of the budget/bills and he gives me x-amount every time he gets paid and I take care of the rest. It works out well.
I would advize the both of you attending a finance workshop as a part of pre-marraige counseling. It can only benifit.