(Closed) How do I step it up as an out-of-town MoH?

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
602 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

It sounds to me like you’re already doing a lot. You’ve already made three trips out of state just for dresses, not even events. I know that a lot of people have different expectations for what they want of their BMs and of their MOHs especially, but I’d never have asked that of my Maid/Matron of Honor. I’m just grateful for whatever she can do.

That being said, if your friend is irked with you, maybe there’s something you can take on that doesn’t require you to use vacation time? Something DIY, perhaps? You could do the work at your place and then mail the finished result to her. I think openly communicating about her expectations plus what’s feasible for you in reality would be a good place to start.

Good luck!

Post # 4
383 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I think it says a lot that you’re even questioning this and know how much the support means. I have nobody living close to me in the planning process, and it does get hard. So first things first, I think communicating more (even just emailing, sending pictures you like, helping her get excited and offering to help) is HUGE.

For the bash itself, coordinate with her to see what she wants and then with other girls to see if someone could arrive a little early. Maybe she has other friends who live there and could help out. If not, talk to the manager of wherever you’re going and see if they can help with details.

Post # 5
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

You could obviously higher a party planner or do everything electronically yourself.

I did this for a friend in GA.  I was her Maid/Matron of Honor even though we are a 3hour plane ride away I wanted to really do it up for her. I contacted multiple restaurants and hotels, until I found one that could hold the event.  I ended up chosing a hotel since they had a banquet coordinator that was able to help me with other vendor recommendations and what not.  I got in touch with each place and made choices essentially through email. I did have her mother go and try cake samples and do other little tasks that needed to be completed locally. Everyone I worked with was happy to help me pull it off, even if it meant them texting me cell pictures of their stuff LOL

Post # 6
575 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I don’t know what city she lives in but yelp (yelp.com) is great for getting reviews on places. I used that just to plan a party an hour away, and the night went great!! It does seem as if you have made an effort so don’t be  hard on yourself.

Post # 7
1361 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Oh bless your heart for trying to be a good Maid/Matron of Honor rather than a frustrating one like so many of us have!!

Post # 8
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I second the yelp suggestion!  My older sister is my Maid/Matron of Honor and she’s been really helpful.  She was a bridesmaid for one of her friends last year, and she practically planned everything because the Maid/Matron of Honor was out of state.  Are any of the bridesmaids located locally so you can ask their advice?

Post # 9
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

What about reaching out to her mom?  She probably knows who to invite to the parties and may even be working on something with and aunt.  I know that had to every wedding i’ve been in, the mom and one of her sisters comes up with the entire planning of the bridal shower.

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