(Closed) how do I stop a friend hinting to be bridesmaid?

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
3255 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think you have already made it extremely clear, so if she asks you about it, tell her clearly you are already making plans for the wedding and your wedding party has been picked. It’s nothing personal and you really hope she shares in your special day, but you couldn’t have everyone you love in the wedding party. If she just keeps dropping hints but doesn’t actually ask about it, I would “play stupid” and ignore the hints. 

As for the dress thing, please make sure you do NOT bring this up to her. It’s not the reason you didn’t want her in your wedding and it would be a very hurtful and judgemental thing to hear! It would be a totally new can of worms that is completely irrelevant to the situation…

Good luck. 🙂

Post # 4
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Well, no matter what you do, never ever under any circumstances mention to anyone that she would not look good in the dress because she is too “large.” No no.

You just have to tell her “I know, I wish I could ask so many people to be in the bridal party, but I just can’t, we’re sticking to family only, but I’d still really appreciate your input on some of the things I’m organizing.”

Post # 6
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

… if her size isn’t a issue, don’t bring it up. Truthfully, it sounds like her size is a very big deal to you. I suggest you stop talking about it through and through.

Post # 7
Member
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I think the bigger point is that you told her you are only using sisters and she hasn’t been respectful of that decision. All the other stuff doesn’t matter. Just tell her next time that you are sorry if she feels like she is getting left out but as your friend she will still be involved in many aspects of the wedding and that having to worry about this is just too much stress on you as you try to balance lots of peoples’ feelings on lots of issues. 

Post # 8
Member
62 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I agree with everyone, dont bring up the dress thing. 

I would ask her to do something else. Greet people, hand out programs, mind the guet book. Give her a role so it’s clear she can’t be a bridesmaid. She wants to be a part of your big day. Finding some small task for her would be nice. 

Post # 9
Member
4887 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@almost mrs:  Don’t NOT ask her to be a bridesmaid to spare her feelings.  DO ask her to be a bridesmaid if you truly want her standing up there with you, regardless of her size, your feelings about her size, or your assumptions about HER feelings about her size.

 

Post # 11
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@almost mrs: People are just responding based on the information you provided, and you made a point to tell us that your friend is larger than your selected bridesmaids and the dress would not be flattering on her. Obviously if she was uncomfortable with how she looked she wouldn’t be asking to put herself in the position of standing up there as a member of your bridal party, so I’m not really sure why it would matter what other people think of her. There plenty of size 20 and over ladies here on the boards who are very comfortable with their own bodies and don’t give a damn what people think about it. So even though your reasons for not asking her are unrelated, you brought it up.  No need to be annoyed with people responding based on what they were told.

Post # 12
Member
3255 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@almost mrs: I agree with katyelle… you put that out there, so of course Bees responded to it. I don’t see any snarky or catty comments here, so I’m not sure why you would be annoyed?

Post # 13
Member
955 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@KatyElle: agree 100%

If her size did not matter to you, you would not have brought it up.

Post # 14
Member
2584 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@KatyElle: I have to agree.

If her size was a complete non-issue you never would have mentioned it in the first place… if she were a size 2 would you make an exception for her?

But I don’t think you need to make it any clearer, in answer to your question. She hasn’t been asked so she won’t be a Bridesmaid or Best Man. Ask her flat out if she’d like to do a reading and tell her that’s the part you’d love for her to have.

Post # 15
Member
3261 posts
Sugar bee

I don’t think you can “hint” anymore really, as you’ve already told her the situation. Also, you don’t need to offer her a role in the wedding to compensate. You need to flat out, and firmly tell her again that there is no room for her to be a bridesmaid.

 

And your comment about her not looking good in the dress was really unecessary. 

Post # 16
Member
9056 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

If you actually want her to be involved, you could designate her as something else, like reading.  She may just feel like she’ll be left out completely of being filled in on wedding details or just really likes to help with weddings and feels like that’s a bridesmaids only job.  If you’re close enough with her that you WOULD have picked her if you didn’t have so many siblings to take the spots, I think if you give her the reassurance and follow through on it (inviting her over to look through wedding inspiration or asking her to come over and help with DIY invites) she might drop it.  You’re lucky you have so many people that WANT to help and be involved in your wedding!

The topic ‘how do I stop a friend hinting to be bridesmaid?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors