(Closed) How do I stop my mom from making hurtful comments?

posted 1 year ago in Emotional
Post # 30
Member
2408 posts
Buzzing bee

Can you skip family gatherings but make separate  plans to see your other relatives?  

Post # 33
Member
4546 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

Hot damn. Here I complain about my mom being too clingy and lovey and don’t know how good I have it. Your mom is way out of line and is toxic in the highest regard. Of you cant cut her out of your life then like PP said, limit contact with her. She’s going to erode your self esteem to zero, isn’t building you up at all, why have someone like that in your life?there’s nothing positive you’re getting from her. Ugh. Good luck.

 

Post # 40
Member
9613 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

You will never change her. Cut her off. See her once a year MAX. Block her number. 

Post # 41
Member
1987 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

If you can’t cut her off, I would try to make it very clear through your actions where your boundaries are. 

My sister has an undiagnosed personality disorder, I think, and is like Jekyll and Hyde – usually very loving and nice, but whenever she feels “attacked” (usually due to someone disagreeing with her on the slightest thing – where to go for lunch, what to do that day, etc), she goes full-blown toxic aggressive nutso.  What I’ve started doing is whenever she verges into that territory, I just immediately end the conversation by physically leaving.  I just leave, not rudely, but abruptly.  It’s pretty clear why, but that way I don’t have to start engaging with her.

Can you do the same thing?  As soon as she starts being critical, just say “I don’t want to talk about this with you” and then leave.  Go to the bathroom, go talk to another family member, get up from the table and get some water, etc etc.

Post # 43
Member
5968 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

pumpkinwaffle :  I have an aunt (my mom’s sister) whom I’ve tried to confide in, too. The good news is, my aunt sees some of what my mom says/does. The bad news is, they are really close and I’m sure my aunt does not want to be in the middle nor take sides. I wouldn’t really talk to your aunt about it and I wouldn’t text the boundaries to your mom. If you are going to tell her something, do it face to face. Much luck, I know this type of mom is very difficult and painful to deal with since mine is similar.

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