Post # 1
I’d like some advice here. My sister and I are twins and have always been very close. However, when she gets upset with me she will literally curse me out! We’re 30 yrs old, and I’m at a point in my life where I don’t feel I can deal with that sort of drama. I’ve asked her several times to simply talk things out with me when there is a problem. She always says ok, but pulls the same conduct when she gets upset. Last night she told to F** myself, F Off, called me a b!tch and told me to tell my SO to F off too. Um WHAT? She’s my twin so I can’t just cut her out of my life, but something needs to happen.
Advice very much appreciated. Thanks!
Post # 3
The moment she starts on with her behavior you up and leave. And you don’t return or talk to her without her calling to apologize. You tell her when you are leaving “I dont deserve to be treated like this and we can talk about this after you call and apologize for disrespecting me and my husband”. Tell her what you expect and then follow through. Leave and don’t contact her until she apologizes or reaches out to you.
Post # 4
You can’t control anyone’s behavior. The only thing you can control is your own reaction.
You could say to her- “if you are going to (behave, talk to me ) like this, I am going to (insert correct sitiation- hang up, leave etc) then DO IT! When she sees that she is not pushing your buttons any longer, she may just drop the drama.
Post # 5
I think that lefeymw made some very good points. I think telling her “I’m happy to talk this out with you when you are ready to speak to me in a respectful and dignified manner” and then leaving without turning back is a good idea. Also, after you’ve done this, consider getting one of those clickers that nuns and dog trainers use and when she starts in, click it. I’m not kidding.
Post # 6
happyb your post hit close to home because I had dealt with this big time. It was always mean, derogatory, and never happy for anything going well in my life. I finally just hit an end point. I wrote her a long thoughtful email where instead of yelling at her i told her that they way she treats me really hurts me. I played to the fact that she’s older and i’ve looked up to her my whole life, but can’t continue to have her be in my life if she treats me this way.
I heard from my mom that she broke down reading the email. It’s as if she didn’t think about how mean comment after mean comment would affect me. This was 2 years ago. She and I have had barely a misunderstanding in 2 years and she’s my maid of honor this September.
Sometimes it just takes a slap in the face and playing to emotions – not anger to get them to see that change is needed.
Post # 7
Thank you all for your advice, it sounds really good.
@capebride924:I’ve tried writing her letters and sitting her down to explain how her words pain me- but the same thing ALWAYS happens. Glad things worked out with you and your sister.
@lefeymw: I think that you’re right! I’ve got to stop that behavior cold when it starts. I think I will probably just have to stay away from her until she apologizes.
Post # 8
I caution you against staying away from her until she apologizes. Some people will NEVER apologize-especially people who would behave like this in the first place. This type of stand-off can be very difficult for your whole family.
Why not just start from now on to leave or end a phone conversation when she starts this behavior?
If you are consistent, she will soon get the message that you will no longer tolerate her treating you that way.