- 4 years ago
- Wedding: October 2011
This is so crazy to me, I’m honestly still in shock a bit. I need some advice on how to handle this.
My friend has always been a bit…eh, clingy? She’s only dated a couple of guys but she got attached really fast. She got attached to me really fast too, which maybe should have been a sign, but I have always found her to be rational… until lately. A little over a month ago (end of Sept) She told me about a guy in one of her classes who smiled at her a lot and she thought he liked her. She sends him an e-mail asking him to coffee, but it takes him a couple of weeks before he checks his school e-mail again. He accepts the coffee date and they go out. They had their first date in early October.
Since that first date, I haven’t seen my best friend except for the one Tuesday class we have together every week. We used to hang out 3-4x a week, but she has literally been with him every day since their first date. I made it clear that her boyfriend was always welcome to join but that we missed her and really wanted to see her. She kept saying she would but she has bailed every time. She has also started skipping her classes (even the class they have together). When she shows up to class, she hasn’t studied for the quiz. Rather than looking over my notes in the 20-30 minutes before the teacher gets there, she just sits there and texts him. I’ve just had this feeling that something about the relationship just isn’t right. Then this morning I got the bombshell.
I texted her last night inviting her and her bf out with some of our friends, but didn’t get a response (which is her new normal). She texted me back this morning that she’s sorry she didn’t text back but she was pre-occupied…along with a picture of a ring on her left hand. I didn’t even know how to respond. I asked if that was what I thought it was and she said “YES!”
I’ve tried to be as supportive and loving as I can with my responses to her, but I don’t think I can pretend to be okay with this. She has been dating him for a month. Their wedding date is April 26th. That’s less than 6 months from now.
She asked me if I was happy and my reply was: “If you’re happy, then I’m happy. I’m nervous for you though. Marriage is a huge commitment. It’s extremely rewarding but extremely difficult. You need to be sure you’re prepared to spend the rest of your life with him.”
Her response was “We’ve been talking about it for quite a while now, and we both know there are going to be hard times. We are being realistic lol 🙂 It just feels right. So right.”
How have they been talking about it for quite a while? They’ve been together for a month. DH and I talked about marriage for several months before we took the step to get engaged. And they’re being realistic? No, they’re not… this is the opposite of realistic. She works retail and he works 4 hours/night at Home Depot. And they barely freakin know each other! Am I crazy?? How is this happening?
DH says I need to be there for her because she is going to go through some hard times in her marriage rushing in like this, and if I’m not there for her she’ll be all alone. Part of me wants to just let her crash and burn. She was so excited when we told her we’re pregnant. She said she was going to be here for me, but then she started dating him and disappeared. I doubt seriously she’s going to throw me the shower she was so excited about since she’s now getting married a month before I’m due. (I know that’s selfish though and she doesn’t have to plan her life around me)
Part of me wants to just let her fuck up her life but I know that’s just the pain talking. So what do I do? Do I put on a smile and help her plan her wedding and act like things are going to be fine? Or do I tell her how I feel? I think she’s making a huge mistake.