(Closed) How do I talk to my bridesmaids?

posted 4 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
4239 posts
Honey bee

I’m sorry you’re stressed and hurting, but your bridesmaids aren’t obligated to help you with that stuff. 

De-stress…I have a nice long bath with lavender and a great, mindless show on my iPad. 

Post # 3
Member
9520 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

You don’t. They are puttng aside their own lives to help you. All you say is “Thank You”.

 

Post # 4
Member
9179 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Bridesmaids are not unpaid labour for your wedding. A great way to destress would be to hire some help. Put an ad on airtasker or the like.

Post # 5
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

It’s not your bridemaids job to be help decorate. All they have to do is turn up. Maybe they are busy and don’t have time to help. If you want people to decorate hire them. You don’t really have any reason to say anything. You get one day not a whole week. 

Post # 6
Member
4501 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

What all of the other posters said.

I know it is lovely to have them offer to help, and I am very aware that when I was in the three weddings I was involved in that I was ‘hands on’ and helped as much as I could, because I WANTED TO. If it had been a case that I was told I had to, I might not have been so inclined.

 

Post # 7
Member
13903 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Agreed with other posters. I’m sorry you’re feeling this way, but it seems like what you expected from your bridesmaids wasn’t what they intended to be responsible for.  Technically, they aren’t there to decorate your venue or do any wedding planning/prep for or with you.  It sucks, because you’ve counted on them, but no one is really in the wrong here.

I wouldn’t bring it up to them, especially before the wedding.  If you do, you’re asking for an argument, drama, defensiveness, and/or hurt feelings.  That’s not the way to be right before your wedding.

Post # 8
Member
8916 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

View original reply
bridetobee254 :  I agree with PP’s, – you don’t tell them you are feeling hurt. You need to do something to relax and realise it will all be ok. It is rude if they haven’t responded to you but like the others have said, they are not obligated to help you. I know for me personally, I booked off the day before my friends wedding in case she needed me, but not everyone can do stuff like that.

Post # 9
Member
2141 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

View original reply
bridetobee254 :  none of that is your bridesmaids job at all, so there is no way to say it without being bridezilla

if you asked to have a girly day and they ignored you thats rude and I get you a little upset that your friends blew you off but all the wedding stuff is NOT their obligation… if YOU knew for months then you should of planned better and/or hired help

Post # 10
Member
65 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

While the bridesmaids aren’t obligated to help you, they should have at least responded to you. That would have been the part that made me angry.

Post # 11
Member
1939 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

They have probably not responded because it’s quite awkward to say no to the bride, avoidance is easier for many non confrontational people. You’ve put them in an awkward spot by making it clear or acting on assumption they would help decorate. If anything I think you ought to apologise to them first to clear the air of this awkwardness when you see them for the rehearsal.

Ideally: 

You: I’m really sorry about this week, the stress of the wedding got to me and I never wanted you to become labourers for my wedding, I’m sorry I put you in an awkward spot about that. Hugs? Let’s have a beautiful day tomorrow! I’m getting married, yay!!

Them: OMG no we are sorry too, we didn’t know what to say to you, we didn’t want to hurt your feelings but yeah…climbing ladders seemed a bit OTT ☺️ Tomorrow, whatever you need, we are there for you, Soon-to-be-MRS!!❤️❤️❤️

You said yourself HEAVY decorating, that’s the kind of stuff you hire people to do. 

Post # 12
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2018

Along with what everyone said, but it probably also hurts because you’re thinking about what YOU would do if you were one of their bridesmaids. I know personally I am very considerate, so I always think of every which way I can help someone else out, but not everyone is like that/has the time to be/etc. Also, based off the first wedding I was a part of, I was also EXPECTED to help out with everything (decorating for hours, driving things around, etc) and it was super tiring and stressful and made me just wish the wedding was over with already, and you don’t want your bridesmaids to feel like that the day of. Maybe send them a text and just say you’d love to relax and spend time with them. Feel better, girl and at least this will also end up with you being married to the love of your life!

Post # 13
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I kind of disagree with the other posters. From what I’ve read it seems like you guys talked about this previously and so they knew what was expected of them.  So I feel like they should’ve told you how they felt about it from the get go or at least answered your text messages. I know it’s not their responsibility to help out but if you say you’ll do something for someone then you should do it or let the other person know your plans have changed.

Post # 14
Member
10561 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Stop with the texting. If you are needing help and would like to ASK your friends if they can help you then you need to pick up the phone and call them and explain you are overwhelmed and ask nicely if they can help you.

However, I don’t think you should chastise them for whatever has happened. Its not worth it. It won’t make things better, then they will just be upset at you for you getting on to them.

Post # 15
Member
1023 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

Sorry, but bridesmaids aren’t obligated to help. Is there a cousin or family friend in the 15-21 range that would be around and thrilled to be paid $50 to help you for a few hours?(doesn’t have to even be someone invited to the wedding!) Sometimes it’s totally worth paying an amateur a small amount to help!

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