(Closed) How Do I Tell Certain People No Plus Ones?

posted 10 years ago in Reception
Post # 3
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

this is the SAME problem my fiance and i are going through.. we dont want someones “flavor of the week” at our wedding and in our photos!  Therefore i feel the only thing we can do is put their name ONLY on the invitation.  Our rsvp card has a blank for their name and an area to put a check mark next to if they can come or not come.  The envelope will have only THEIR name on it and not their name and guest (like what most people that allow a plus one do on their invites) and if somehow they add a plus one on the rsvp card i am simply going to call them and say that we are sorry but we already have a fixed wedding guest count and cannot accomodate our guest’s guest. 

Post # 4
2933 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Do the name on the envelope, plus the “we have reserved ___ seat(s) in your honor”.   And then “___ of ____ will be attending” and you fill in the second blank with a 1.

Post # 5
161 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

We addressed invitations to the actual peronly only. Unfortunately, we still had a couple people who are bringing uninvited dates. We also didn’t want a bunch if “strangers” at our wedding, but if  it makes our dear friends more comfortable to have a  date with them then we were ok. Plus by the time they rsvp’ed we had already had a coup,e of declines so space/money was not a problem. Making new friends is always great and what a better time then on your wedding when everyone is already estatic for you, happy, and in party mode. 

Post # 6
246 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@KristenGotMarried:  I like the blank and blank idea. I think I’ll use that!

Post # 7
2430 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

Well, unless the invitations says “& Guest” they shouldn’t be asking to bring someone anyway– but I would tell guests who ask (or just RSVP for more than one) that there are space limitations and thus you can’t accomodate any “extras”. 


Also, be sure to make a point of saying you’ve already had to turn others down– that will help avoid the follow up question of making this one exception, if you’ve already had to tell someone else no, most people wont want to make your life harder by asking to bend the rules just for them. 

Post # 8
794 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I don’t understand….the invitation says plus 1 or it doesn’t…..

If someone is in a long term relationship they will be offended if they don’t get a plus 1….but be prepared for people to not feel comfortable coming without their bf/gf

Post # 9
792 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I am also doing the “we have reserved ___ seat(s) in your honor” thing on my response cards. I had a few awkward conversations where friends are like “I need to find a date for your wedding!” and I just said I don’t think we’ll be able to give everyone +1s because Fiance has a big family and we are approaching the venue’s limit (blatant lie – they’ll never know!). 

Post # 10
8374 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I know most people today do not choose to use inner envelopes; however, this is the best solution to avoiding unwanted guests.  If the outer envelope reads: Mr. John Doe, and the inner envelope reads, “Mr. Doe,” it will be more difficult for John to assume that he is being invited with a guest. 

For those whom you are allowing to bring guests, the formal manner in which to invite a guest’s guest is to ask your guest the name and address of the date he or she would like to bring to your wedding. Then, you would send this other person his or her own invitation.  The less formal way to do this is to address the inner envelope as “Mr. Doe and Guest.”

Post # 11
7941 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Well for most people not having a +1 or “guest” on their invitation would be enough. However, I have quickly learned that people are either very foolish, ignorant and/or rude and will invite someone anyway.

I would suggest either the blank line as mentioned above to alleviate any questions or just telling them directly should they try to add someone. My Fiance invited several of his friends that are single and told them directly that random dates are not invited.



Post # 12
20 posts

@KristenGotMarried:  Yeah, if you really want to hammer the point home I like this idea that KGM provided. Nothing spells it out more clearly than doing the “_ of 1” thing. That way there is NO room for misinterpretation!

I think I may actually use this idea too…in my family people just assume that they can bring someone, whether it says “+1” on any of the envelopes or not.  I think being this direct avoids awkward conversations (or random people showing up) later.

Post # 13
5229 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

We addresses our invations according to standard etiquette and did not ahve a single person invite an univited guest. If someone had, we would’ve called them and explained that we on;y invited those people to whom the invitation ws addressed and cannot accommodate uninvited guests. End of story. No explantations. No excuses. Just no guests.

Post # 14
831 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@mrsSonthebeach:  <- absolutely this.  You are of course within your rights as a bride and groom not to allow random guests to attend.  If people call and ask, simply say no.  If they are rude enough to just bring someone, they’ll find out quickly that you do not have a space for the extra and will look like an idiot.

(Also, caterers tend to make extra meals just in case, so if Old Uncle Charley brings his buddy from the bar, there will still be food for the buddy with no extra charge to you.)

Post # 15
2639 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

We didn’t have inner envelopes, but had  “__ seats have been reserved in your honor” on the reply card.

We didn’t do ___ of ___ will attend, just M__________, so I wouldn’t be surprised if someone fills in an extra name, even if their card says 1.

Another bee posted this yesterday- best reply card for DIY invites.


Post # 16
21 posts
  • Wedding: January 2012

I totally get not wanting strangers in your wedding pictures, but part of me also feels sorry for the guest who has to come alone. It’s one thing if the guest knows other guests attending the wedding, but for those who know no one that can be quite uncomfortable. I am obviously in the minority here but KristenGotMarried’s suggestion seems like it will communicate your no plus one preference perfectly .

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