(Closed) How do I tell him he spent too much without coming across ungrateful?

posted 8 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
5784 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

I seriously would not say anything. How much he spent on a wedding day gift should have very little relation to how much he will spend on a Christmas/Birthday present. If it becomes a pattern, address it in the future.

Post # 4
Member
703 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

It’s a gift.  Enjoy it.  You’ll hurt his feelings if you say something about the cost.  He wanted to get it for you, so let him be happy. Wear it with pride! Laughing

Post # 5
Member
761 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I say embrace how awesome that bracelet is, wear the heck out of it and plan on passing it down someday. Next time you give a hint about a present make it something totally different like a book to show him that it is really the thought and not neccasarily how much it is.

Post # 6
Member
7694 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@slicey19:

I would enjoy it because I am sure that he really wanted you to have it!  (BTW-I would feel “guilty” about it too).  I think you can choose to tell him how you feel about putting money towards a vacation at another time.  He is proud to have you as his bride, and he obviously wanted you and everyone else to know it!!!-Don’t take that away from him. 🙂

Post # 7
Member
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

My mom always did this. My father would get her expensive stuff and she would tell him to take it back.
If you can’t accept the gift without feeling sick to your stomach, say something. Communication is the best. If you don’t say something now, he’s always going to think he has to blow thousands of dollars on one object.

My mom always said she’d rather have a week vacation to somewhere fun and she really didn’t care for the “trinkets” so after a while he got it and they start going on week vacations twice a year. Once by themselves, and the other time with us as a family. The memories, to her, are worth far more than a pair of earrings or bracelet.

Post # 8
Member
379 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Dont say anything.  He wanted to do something nice for you. Enjoy it.  Now that you are married you can discuss future finacial decisions together including how much to spend on gifts.

Post # 10
Member
4355 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I wouldn’t say anything (besides thank you x10000), he probably feels amazing to have been able to get you something you’d love and it may take the wind out of his sails a little.

Post # 11
Member
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think the people suggesting not to say anything probably have it right. On the otherhand I know myself – if I was in this situation I would have to say something (just my personality).

I would probably tell him how much I love the bracelet and how much it means to me BUT that I feel guilty about how much money he spent on it. I would explain that in the future I would rather we spend that amount of money on things we can enjoy together, like a vacation. I don’t think this would hurt his feelings, but instead make him realize that time spent with him is more valuable than anything he could buy.

Post # 12
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

I would say nothing and if he keeps doing something like this in the future make a deal with each other that presents will be experiences you share together or put a dollar amt on it (I know its not romatic).

For xmas my SO only spend 50 and then we go shopping for a needy family and their needs list (through an organized charity). You could try to organize group presents like that in the future as well.

Post # 13
Member
1068 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

He did not mind spending this to present his wife with a gift that he knew she wanted. It’s actually very sweet. I totally know what what you are thinking (which is more being more practical), but I think saying something will hurt his feelings. 

Post # 15
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Maybe next time a gift opportunity comes along (birthday, Christmas, etc.) you could tell him you’d like to put the money that would be spend on a gift towards a trip/experience/etc. instead this year.

And I agree with PPs – your husband is so sweet to buy you such a bracelet, and it’s super cute how excited he was to “pick it out” even though you showed him. Appreciate the sentiment, and the beauty of gold!

Post # 16
Member
260 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2011 - The Providence Biltmore

I agree with PPs about enjoying the gift and not saying anything.  I would feel guilty as well.  Zeb and I have a spending cap on holidays that we set in advance according to our financial situation.  You may want to try speaking to him before gift giving if you think this will be a trend.  

Congrats on the bracelet!  It sounds beautiful.

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