(Closed) How do I tell him it’s just not my style?

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
434 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Hmm, I wouldn’t say that it just isn’t “you,” I would probably couch it more in terms of what you said about work.  That way he would probably be less likely to take it personally.  Be prepared for him to get upset, but he should understand that you want to wear your ring at work, and can’t do that if it’s like the one you described.

Post # 4
121 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Can you double up on gloves and wait for the wedding band (which you can pick out and make sure that the stones are channel set)?

You might be surprised how easily the ring will work with your life.  Give it a shot and then if you can’t make it work talk to him about it.  🙂 

Post # 5
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

I’d tell him how much I love it and that it’s so beautiful (etc) but the next day (i.e., not immediately) add that you’ll have to take it off at work all the time and you’re so scared to lose it (etc) and mention that you’d like to reset it. If he got a solitaire, it may be because he or the jeweler intended to reset it anyway. Hopefully. 🙂

Good luck; hope you get it soon!

Post # 6
2207 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Agree.  Dont say it isnt you.  Show it off for a few days, then one evening mention that youre concerned about the ring because it was puncturing gloves and you had to take it off while you were there.  Tell him youre afraid to lose it, what does he think you should do?  He wont want you taking it off while at work (Id hope anyways.)  One of my best friends is a surgeon, and before each surgery she has to put her ring on her necklace.  Irritating right?  One day she was scrubbing in, set it on the side of the sink, and next thing she knew it was gone.  Never found it.

Post # 7
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

My mom used to be a CNA and had to take hers off all the time. She hated it.

Just say “omigosh, my coworker left her ring on today and CUT a patient’s skin! it was so awful, i just want you to know this is why i told you i need a channel ring. Everybody is extra careful about not wearing theirs at work now!”

Sneaky sneaky.

Also, you could have a solitaire lowered and the gold brought up and contoured so it isn’t prong-y.

And, he’ll be mad, but he should have listened! So, what can you expect? You told him why you needed what you wanted and that it would work best with your job. He should have listened. 

PS maybe he got you the solitaire so YOU can pick out the setting? My husband did that….as soon as I opened the box I kinda looked at him and he said “don’t worry, i knwo you didn’t want a solitaire, but i had to put it in something, now let’s go pick out a setting”

Post # 8
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I”m sure he put a lot of work into picking out the ring, so hearing that you don’t like it probably won’t make him very happy. I know it’s not the same thing, but the first gift my FH ever bought me was a HORRIBLY tacky leopard print/patent leather bag that was waaaay too big for my small frame. I smiled and thanked him up and down and wear it with pride.

What I would suggest to you is to not say anything at first, but after a couple months mention that you’re sad because you can’t wear it at work so you were thinking it might be a good idea to change the setting before the wedding. See what he says – if he’s fine with it then problem solved, if he’s offended or doesn’t like the idea then maybe you can get a really cool channel set wedding band..

Post # 9
4466 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Yeah, maybe you could make it work until you get your wedding band?  You could do like others suggested and double up on gloves, wear it on your necklace, etc.  It might not be as bad as you think.

Post # 11
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

@frugalista, that was my mom’s problem. She had a marquise engagement ring, with about 2 carats full of diamonds and it was like, razor sharp, haha. She would never forgive herself if she hurt a sweet old lady

I think you need to speak up and let him know when you get it. Don’t wait and see–it’s going to bother you, you’ll be worried about hurting someone, or worse you might lose it. Just say “honey i love it but i can’t wear it at work. I need something flush or i might cut a patient. would you be terribly upset if we changed the setting? I still love it, but i want to wear it everyday, and i can’t wear this everyday”

He’s a guy. Appeal to his practical side. They all have one =]

Post # 12
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Something like this would be good for work:


This has the stone already, but let him know *this* would be a safer idea. A jeweler could easily make you something feasible. Last time i was in a store, two med students were picking out rings and “low” was their motto.

This one is perfect! Not a tension, and would hold your diamond low



Post # 14
1580 posts
Bumble bee

I never knew a diamond could cut skin… maybe it is just an issue of having the prongs shaved?? I have a claw prong set solitaire and I’m sure it wouldn’t cut anyone’s skin.

First, I’d say forget about the ring and just think about how happy you will be to be engaged. It is really important that you react in that way when he proposes (i.e. don’t mention anything about not liking the ring).

I love my ring, so I’m not in your position, but you should look at is as a gift. Like moderndaisy said about her leapord print bag – you wouldn’t have picked it out for yourself, but he put time into picking it out for you, which is what makes it even more special. I didn’t want to design and pick out my own ring. I wanted it to be from him.

Is it possible that the diamond is in a temporary setting?? And that he wants you to help pick out your dream/perfect setting later??

Post # 15
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

wow, this is difficult! you basically KNOW you’re going to hurt your guy’s feelings… how to best do it?

if this were me, and it were J, I’d rather find a way to adjust than hurt him, but that’s me. I’d probably buy a pretty chain and wear it around my neck while at work (and yeah, get your wedding band channel set so when you’re married you can wear that all the time, no problem!)

Post # 16
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

I like the idea of letting it be his idea – wear it to work and then when you come home you can mention how scared you are to lose such a beautiful ring, have to take it off all the time, etc etc.  Maybe he will actually ask you if you think another setting would be better?  You could really avoid some hurt feelings that way….

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