(Closed) How do I tell long-distance friend she won't be a bridesmaid?

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
5001 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

Just don’t bring it up, she will realize that she’s not a bridesmaid. I think it will make it worse and awkward to have a direct conversation about it.

Post # 4
Member
360 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I agree being proactive is better than letting it ride, because awkward situations only get more awkward with time

What if you tell her that you love her, but since she’s long distance you didn’t feel right putting that kind of pressure on her to perform her duties from so far away, so you felt like choosing more local people would be the best option. You hope she understands and will still be thre to celebrate you as a guest if she is able to make it.

What if you give her an easy duty for wedding day…passing out programs, guest book attendant, reader, something small to recognize her? 

 

Post # 6
Member
360 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I wanted to add something…does she expect to be a bridesmaid, like is this a conversation you’ve had in the past? 

If it has never been brought up ever, then you really don’t owe anyone any explanations. My above advice was given on the assumption that she either A)expected to be asked B)had her hopes up that you might ask, or C) there was some past conversation(even casually) that indicated you would always ask her

Post # 8
Member
5660 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@MsYankee:  You don’t need to tell her. If she DOES ask then just tell her you chose people that were local, and as much as you wanted to include her and other friends you had to limit your list. End of story.

Post # 9
Member
360 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Yeah I definitely think you should find a job, no matter how small, to make her feel included if you can. Personally I might even be relieved if I was really long distance and someone gave me an “easy” way out…because sometimes being a LD bridesmaid is really really tough. 

Post # 10
Member
46667 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would just tell her the truth- that you have limited your bridal party to 4, otherwise it would have to be 9 and that you feel that would be too many attendants.

Post # 11
Member
1018 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

It’s been a year, and I honestly think you are holding a grudge (I’m sorry, I don’t say this to be rude- just to give some advice that previous posters hadn’t)- either you two have moved past the argument, or you haven’t. If you haven’t, then I’m not exactly clear as to why you’re inviting her at all- let alone thinking about having her read something at your wedding?! If you feel she’s important enough to you to do a reading, I don’t see how that’s any different from being a Bridesmaid or Best Man, to tell you the truth. You either believe that she supports your marriage- in which case, invite her to the wedding and consider having her be a BM/reader or just a guest- or you truly don’t believe that she supports your marriage- in which case, why is she invited? It seems that you are “over it” enough to have her at the wedding, but clearly you AREN’T over it. I think you need to decide which one it will be =). If you’re not over it but want to be, maybe another heart-to-heart is in order. I just don’t think it’s fair to have these feelings about not wanting her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man because of last year’s argument and try to make the excuse that it’s because she’s long-distance.

Just my two cents =).

Post # 13
Member
1018 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@MsYankee:  In that case, I agree with previous posters who have said you should let her know that you have chosen 4 bridesmaids, all local, and your group of college long-distance friends will be very special guests to you, but you just didn’t feeling right asking anyone to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man long-distance.

Post # 14
Member
79 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Ooh tough one. I think you have to accept this may end your friendship. If you’ve talked about her being bridesmaid before and you don’t ask her she will be really upset and hurt. Particularly if she thinks that everything is sorted after your argument.

 

For reasons too long to explain, I had a break from one of my very best friends and when the time was right we started talking again and she was one of my bridesmaids and we are just as good friends as we ever were. Of course it’s up to you and only you know how you feel about here, but I would warn you she may not get over it and you might lose a friend (not saying she’d be in the right, but it sounds like she’s pretty sensitive from your other post).

Post # 15
Member
3755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Don’t specifically say that you are not having her as a Bridesmaid or Best Man. If you decide to have her do a reading just tell her that you’d be honored if she would do a reading at the wedding and leave it at that. 

 

I didn’t have my sister-in-law (bro’s wife) in my wedding and although I felt kinda bad about it (I have EIGHT bridesmaids already!) I didn’t actually say to her that she’s not included. She’s asked me who I’m having and I told her. Left it at that. But she had me in hers, and my Fiance is having my bro in ours (Bro did not ask my Fiance either). 

The topic ‘How do I tell long-distance friend she won't be a bridesmaid?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors