(Closed) How do I "tell" my boyfriend what type of ring to get?

posted 5 years ago in Proposals
Post # 46
Member
716 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

We got engaged first and then we went shopping for my ring. It was great and I was able to choose exactly what I wanted. Had he enquired before hand I would have been pretty honest and clear with that I liked and would have certainly shared photos or went with him to look at rings.

Post # 47
Member
2525 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

bakingal22:  After I knew that marriage was on the table one day I turned to him and said: for future ring buying references I am a size – and I like – rings and I do not like – rings.

With men you need to be really blunt and clear. Obviosuly only bring it up if you’ve discussed it. If this is the first either of you have mentioned it then he may get confused!

Post # 48
Member
1245 posts
Bumble bee

Over the weekend SO mentioned to a friend how he couldn’t propose not knowing what kind of ring I wanted. I had been waiting for the right momeny/situation to brign this up and there it was!! I sent SO an email yesterday with links to about 8 differnent rings I’d be more than happy with.

I included my ring size and mentioned my preference for stone size (we’re talking moissanite here).. other than that it’s in his hands.

I think unless he asks or an oportunity to talk about it comes up, it’s really hard to let him know without sounding a bit demanind/picky…

Post # 49
Member
261 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Whitetail Ridge

I had things pinned on Pinterest and my best friend knew what I wanted in a ring before the subject was even brought up. My fiance and I had a long discussion about getting married and our future shortly after his best friend got engaged, and I didn’t push from there. Twoish months later, he told me he had been looking at my pinterest boards then stopped in a jewelry store and that it was overwhelming. So, he asked for specifics, and asked if I wanted to go shopping with him. In his words, I have to wear it for the rest of my life, so I should have something I’m going to love forever.

I found my ring on the website before we went to the store, I tried it on, tried on a few more, and went back to the one that I have now. He thought he had to spend a ridiculous amount of money, and I was glad we discussed both ring specifics and budget, because I didn’t want anything that I would be afraid to wear, that he’d have to pay off for a long time, or that would be too crazy to replace.

If you’ve been together for 4 years, you’ve probably had discussions about marriage? I would just talk to him, about getting married, about what both of you see for your lives, and about what both of you are comfortable with as far as a timeline.

Post # 50
Member
50 posts
Worker bee

Last year when he asked me for my Christmas wish list, I actually worked up the nerve to email him a link to a ring I had been admiring and said that since he was asking, this was what I really wanted. I made sure to tell him that I would adore ANY ring he chose for me though, simply because it came from him. Truthfully, he felt a little pressured (though, I think in my circumstance it was more about him and his issues than it was about my approach – I VERY carefully chose how it was worded), but it got the conversation started at least. When we finally decided to go ring shopping together, we actually ended up choosing something entirely different anyway, taking consideration to what he liked, that I was previously unaware of. 

Post # 51
Member
6040 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

 

bakingal22:  I think it would be wise to find what you DON’T like and just give him that info in a subtle way. Like by bringing up a coworker or friend who got a gift from their husband and then just say “well it was a beautiful ring. But I personally would never want a ring that had xyz. but I guess if she likes it that’s all that matters”. Just be subtle. But if you’re ok with letting him do the picking, then start by just giving him things you know for sure that you wouldn’t like. That still gives him room to pick what he wants you to have as well.

Post # 52
Member
228 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I was actually fortunate enough to have some friends get engaged right before we started talking about getting married.  The girl had been quite involved in picking out the ring beforehand and while inititally my bf (at the time) didn’t like that, he thought the whole thing should be a surprise, I told him that I actually liked that she’d been involved.  Not only because she has to wear it forever but also because her bf was able to get the ring sized and engraved on the inside so she could wear it right away.  Typically jewelers won’t recommend altering the ring before proposing particularly when the woman hasn’t seen it or tried it on yet. No returns at that point. Also when my cousin got engaged, her ring didn’t fit, so when she told family that she was engaged, she just held the ring out in the palm of her hand.  It was awkward.

Anyway, so in the same conversation I’d mentioned that all rings fit differently and at different heights.  While I enjoy the typical movie-style guy down on one knee surprise proposals,  I’d just hate it if I had to have one of those awkward conversations with him 5 minutes later that we would have to return the ring because it was uncomfortable or didn’t fit.  The practical side of me also cringed at the thought of spending a bunch of money on a piece of jewelery that I wasn’t thrilled about.  

Later when we started talking about getting engaged, he was much more interested in getting a ring that he knew I would love to have. He asked me to go check out some rings, get my finger sized, and pick 3 that I really liked so we could go look at them together.  In the end it was still a surprise because I didn’t know which one of the three he had picked.  Plus he also waited for another 6 months to propose so I hadn’t seen it coming at all.

 

Post # 53
Member
228 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

p.s. I also agree with a previous poster that rings will look very different on your hand than they do in pictures.  If I’d just seen the ring I got in a photo, I never would’ve chosen it so definitely go check them out in the store.

Post # 54
Member
594 posts
Busy bee

You’ve got to be VERY, VERY obvious. I repeatedly told my partner that I like yellow gold (if a jewelry ad came on, I’d say, “It sucks that no one does yellow gold anymore!” or just, “I love yellow gold!”), and that didn’t even work. If he’s up for it, see if you can go shopping together, and, again, be VERY obvious. 

Post # 55
Member
47 posts
Newbee

Like people mentioned, if you have talked about the future, you can talk about rings. There’s no shame in dropping some hints about the ring you want.

I don’t think there’s many people on this board who are like me, but I kind of envy the diamond girls because well…it’s easier path choosen for your guy. Me and my SO are going to begin “ring shopping” this weekend aka visiting a gem dealer. Since I have never seen the type of gem I want in person, I need to have a clear idea of the shade I want. He knows the shape and type of setting I like, but since we aren’t going towards the colorless diamond route, I’m actually putting in work to creating the ring. It’s NOT how I imagined it would be but he really wants this thing to be perfect. He wants my help all the way. I told him get me whatever is close to the photos I showed him but he INSISTS I go in with him because it’s not something that’s inexpensive and to be taken lightly.

So Saturday we have two appointments. I know the romance is taken out of the equation, but it’s still not a done deal. He probably needs to see what I like in person. Seeing what you want in real life is so different than looking online.

Post # 56
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

bakingal22:  1) find out your ring size. 2) make a new post on the Bee that goes something like this….” Need help with stone size! Post your size [enter your ring size from step one] rings.” 3) in the text of the post, ask the Bee’s to list their carat size and shape with their pics. 4) sit back and watch the pics roll in.

Post # 57
Member
3223 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I sent him an email explaining what I liked and didn’t like after I tried on a whole range of rings. He therefore can take my detailed email shopping with him so he can then make the ring both a surprise but also something I would really like! I gave specific examples of rings and prices ranging from $300 to $6000 dollars to show what I would be happy with, but it is up to him to decide how much to spend and what to spend it on.   I also sent it well before I knew he would be looking at rings so that he could keep it and choose to use it whenever he wanted.

Post # 58
Member
21 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I’m a big fan of the direct approach.  My fiance and I discussed marriage in detail and types of rings until it became evident that we should go shopping together.  Ultimately, I picked out the ring (though he was there, of course.)  I’m sure I would have loved whatever he picked on his own, but since I’m the one wearing it, it seemed reasonable that I have something I like.  Also, I know some women really want the complete surprise experience, but the proposal is still a big deal even if you’ve picked out the ring and know it’s coming, trust me.

Post # 59
Member
782 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

bakingal22:  I found the exact ring I wanted online (MoissaniteCo) and e-mailed it to him. I told him it is just for his reference whenever that time came. He had that e-mail for like 2 years, but in the end it was easy for him and I got exactly what I wanted! There is nothing wrong with telling him what you want! Do NOT let others tell you otherwise! Some people just have a specific idea in their head of what they want. I can guarantee the ring he would have picked out for me would have been completely different.

Post # 60
Member
234 posts
Helper bee

I’m the type of girl that would prefer that my SO pick out my ring. Now I know he’s completely lost on what I would want so what I did was take those brochures from Helzbergs, Kay jewelers, Jareds, ect All the different booklets and circled things and put BIG X’s on things I wanted and didn’t want.. I want to be surprised lol. I wrote my ring size on the booklets after going to the jeweler alone. Picking out my own takes the fun out of everything.  This just gave him I ideas I told him I wanted him to pick it out not me.

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