(Closed) How do I tell my dad I will be walking down the aisle with my fiancé?

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
910 posts
Busy bee

I, for one, think this is a great idea. I don’t think you should change your decision. I think you and your fiancé should stick to what feels good to YOU. Tell your dad:

“Dad, Fiancé and I have decided to change things up a little bit and walk down the aisle together instead of having you walk me down. We thought about this carefully, and we think this is a great way to honor the history and significance of our relationship over the years. We will be walking down the aisle together to take our first steps into life as a married couple.” 

Don’t ask permission, because you are a grown-up lady and don’t need it. If he tells you his feelings are hurt, if you want to you can apologize that your decision has hurt him, but tell him that this is what your fiancé have agreed on, that it’s important to both of you, and you hope he can understand. That’s it.

P.S. High five from another people pleaser. I’m trying to be better about honoring my own wants/needs. Be strong! You’re right, this is a great growth opportunity.

Post # 3
Member
3446 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course

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orangeblossomspecial :  <<< This is perfect. 🙂 I thought I’d be walking down the aisle alone but after reading other experiences I may have Fiance meet me at the beginning of the aisle so we can walk together. I’m sure your dad will understand if you explain it as stated above.

Post # 4
Member
910 posts
Busy bee

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heavenlyflower :  Thank you! I wish my husband and I had done this at our own wedding. We wanted to, and my family talked me out of it. 🙄

Post # 6
Member
54 posts
Worker bee

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gooseplusgander :  agreed with the first comment. And good on you for sticking to your guns. Your sister is right that his feelings will be hurt, at least at first. Are you going to do the father/daughter dance? If not, I think it might really help to have some sort of private moment together either before or during the ceremony/reception.

Post # 8
Member
227 posts
Helper bee

Is your sister my sister? I had pretty much the same conversation with my sister when I told her about our wedding plans. 

I just told my Dad. We’re having our wedding in Sweden, where it’s quite frowned upon for women to be escorted down the aisle by their fathers, so that is my reasoning and I’m sticking with it. 

My Dad is also a Feminist and I think he would find it weird to walk me down the aisle at my second wedding. 

Post # 10
Member
523 posts
Busy bee

Could you compromise your plans and have your fi waiting for you outside the church and your dad walk you to the door? You can kiss him goodbye he can ‘hand you over’ (sorry I don’t really mean it how it sounds) and then he can go down the isle himself and you can present it as you and your fiancé want to walk together towards this future you have chosen. That way he’s still being included and gets a small moment with you. It would be outside the church (or wherever you are getting married), so no one would really see and you are still getting to walk the isle with your husband to be. 

 

Just a suggestion bee, Goodluck 

Post # 11
Member
425 posts
Helper bee

I agree that you should stick to your guns and do what you and your Fiance think is best.

I think if you are doing the seating of the families as part of your processional, then it should definitely be okay. I love the sound of your processional idea. It is lovely and egalitarian.

Post # 12
Member
5246 posts
Bee Keeper

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gooseplusgander :  It really depends on the relationship you have with your father on how he will  react. Is he traditional? Very non-traditional? Anything special in either you or your FI’s culture?

I have a different perspective though because my father passed away this year so I am walking with my mom. The original plan was all three of us down the aisle.

The other option was me by myself or me and my Fiance together. It is indeed an outdated tradition though and if you make it very clear that it has nothing to do with your relationship to him, I think’ you’re good. Ask him what he had imagined too. Also, maybe find another way to honor him? Father daughter dance?

Post # 13
Member
5246 posts
Bee Keeper

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orangeblossomspecial :  Sorry another post. I also really wish people wouldn’t take everything so personal in weddings when people do things away from tradition.

We are doing many things non traditional. There will be zero family dances only our first dance. No bouquet or garter. No here comes the bride music…but a song we both liked. 🙂

Post # 15
Member
2124 posts
Buzzing bee

Bee, I think your plans sound lovely, but do make sure you’re entirely happy before you go ahead and tell your dad. I wanted to do something similar, but I think it would really crush my dad. I’m going to stick with tradition, because me walking with my fiancé isn’t worth hurt feelings, and I don’t want my dad to remember my wedding day as the day he didn’t walk me down the aisle. 

I know this sounds very negative, but if you really believe that walking with your DH-to-be is the way to go, I think your dad would understand. Just be sure that for you it is worth it, in case he doesn’t take it well. 

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