Post # 1
My brother was married last year and my father’s girlfriend showed up to both the rehearsal dinner and the wedding ceremony/reception in a white dress. My mother and I were horrified and my sister-in-law was pissed. Plus, she insisted on being in every family picture, despite not being married or engaged to my father.
With my wedding coming up, I want to make it clear to my father and his girlfriend that I would appreciate her not wearing white to my wedding without causing drama or stress for me as the big day draws near.
Any suggestions of how to bring this up or how I can make sure she doesn’t show up in white?
(I have had one suggestion already. My wedding colors are navy blue and blush. I was told to tell her to wear one of those colors so that she matches the bridal party… not a terrible suggestion but I’m not sure I want her matching the bridal party either as I am not a big fan of the woman in the first place.)
Post # 2
Tell your dad that he needs to support you on your wedding day by not letting her wear white. No ivory, eggshell, ecru, or “light taupe.”
Post # 3
If I were you I’d talk to my dad and let him discuss it with her.
Post # 4
I guess I should also mention that my father and I aren’t overly close. He tends to get offended about things easily and even though I feel like this is a reasonable request, I’m afraid it’s going to turn into an “issue.”
Post # 5
everyone will know you’re the bride. I don’t see the big deal to be honest. Is it worth wrecking your relationship with her over it? She could be your step Mom one day! I wouldn’t risk offending her and your dad before the wedding.
Post # 6
Talk to your dad.
Also, when it comes to the wedding portraits, give your photographer a very specific list of each photo you want take in formal portrait style. That’s what we did. Then, during portraits, our photographer just told everyone who wanted something not on the list taken that she had a very specific list that she had coordinated with the small amount of time we had to take portraits and she would be happy to take other combinations during the reception. You could have a one family picture taken with her and then tell her the rest will be taken throughout the night so you can stay on schedule!
Post # 7
I would be blunt. She sounds either obtuse or like she doesn’t give a f*ck, so I would just say it. “Dad’s girlfriend… I was hoping to discuss your dress selction with you. You know last year, at brothers wedding, how you wore white? Well, I want to be the only person in my wedding wearing a white or cream shade, so I am just confirming you will be wearing a different colour. Thanks for understanding!”
Post # 8
I’d tell her that she will not be in any family photos if she arrives in any color that is white or a shade of it. No sense beating around the bush with someone who is obviously quite obtuse.
Post # 9
I think matching the wedding party colors is the safest way out. Any other request or suggestion might bring up trouble. (Talking from personal experience)
Post # 10
Since you specified “without causing drama,” honestly, I don’t think it can be done. It’s hard to tell someone not to be an asshole without causing drama, and it would appear she knows exactly what she’s doing. Insisting on being in every photo? Shoot, I was engaged to DH when I went to a family wedding with him and they had to drag me into the photos, I did not want to presume.
On the upside there’s nothing better than watching someone you dislike make a fool of themselves in public so try to see that as a silver lining?
Post # 11
What is so hard about being a little more direct? Talk to her. ” ___, I would really appreciate it if you wear any color other than white, off white or ivory to the wedding.”
Post # 12
Is he paying for the wedding? I doubt he will tell her not to wear white. I would do “first look” pictures, and tell him to show up at the end of the picture taking, and tell photographer, he gets ONE picture wih her in it.
PS Maybe she is hoping your dad proposes and she is ready on the spot
Post # 13
Great line! Its hard to tell someone not to be an asshole without causing drama.
Post # 14
Whether or not he’s paying for the wedding should have nothing to do with a very simple request that his girlfriend not wear white. That’s common courtesy. Wearing white is like wearing jeans to a formal wedding– people just shouldn’t do it and they should know better, and if they don’t, they’re going to be told to get with the program.
Post # 15
The only person that look the fool in this situation is her. No one will mistaken her for the bride, and she only embarrasses herself. You can’t control what she wears without drama, but I’d sure as hell control who’s in MY pictures taken by a photographer *I* paid for. She can wear whatever she wants, but she wouldn’t be in all my pictures.