(Closed) How do I tell my father's girlfriend not to wear white to the wedding?

posted 5 years ago in Guests
Post # 31
13778 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Well, maybe she goes by Emily Post, which says that a white dress is fine as long as it’s not bridal. The no white rule is traditional, but it is meant as a guideline for guests, not hosts. In other words, no, you don’t get to lecture another adult about what to wear or how to dress. That is every bit as rude as wearing white according to any etiquette, traditional or new.

In any case, nobody will mistake her for the bride and if she does show up in a virtual bridal gown, it’s only a poor reflection on her. I would say nothing. 

You don’t, however, have to let this woman bully her way into all your photos. Take a few with her in them, but an experienced photographer should  be able to control the situation to firmly say “now I’d like one with just the bride and her father.”

Post # 32
2229 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

I really wouldnt care but if you mind that much, just tell her straight up you’d prefer she didn’t wear white. 

As for photos, no. You need to put your foot down and say you want some without her. Those are permanent. My Dad’s gf was not in any of our family photos (he has a new gf every few years anyway)

Post # 33
2164 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

How does she “insist” on being in family pictures? She has no clout, any family member should be able to shut her down.

Can’t do much about wearing white. Disregard her. No one is going to mistake her for the bride, and she won’t “upstage” you.

Post # 35
459 posts
Helper bee

I would take her dress shopping myself if it means that much to you. She sounds like an attention hooker. So include her a bit to keep an eye on her plans.  


Id probably not include her at all if she starts trouble. She’s not his wife. 

Post # 37
440 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Other posters have mentioned that she doesn’t care and will wear what she wants, but do you all know that?  Has she said that?  Maybe she doesn’t know that it’s not proper to wear shades of white to a wedding?  None of us know her thinking or upbringing or lack of knowledge.  How is your relationship with her?  If it’s cordial, then I would have the conversation with her.  If not, with your Dad.  State it clearly – “In the past, “name” wore white to brother’s wedding.  Since this is my one special day, I would prefer to shine in white on my own.  I’m requesting that for this wedding, she change the color.  It would be great if she wore the wedding colors to showcase that she’s part of the family.”  

However, I agree that she shouldn’t be included in the family photos.  Sorry but that’s the way it is.  Girlfriends and boyfriends are NOT family.

Post # 41
220 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Is it really about what colour she wears on the day? Sounds like you really don’t like her. Maybe it’s time to sit down and talk to her with someone not involved with the family. Maybe she feels the dislike towards her and just wants to fit in so what’s to stand out and that’s why she wants to be in every photo that your dads in. I am sorry that I went off topic but you should take the high road and just enjoy your day. 

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