(Closed) How do I tell my friend she's not a bridesmaid?

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
66 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Choosing your Bridal Party is a personal thing. You don’t owe her an explanation. I would avoid a lot of wedding talk around her, and if she decides to bring it up (tacky IMHO), then just explain that you & FH decided to keep your Bridal Party small. 

Post # 4
2247 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Yeah, don’t tell her anything unless she brings it up. She doesn’t need an explanation at all.

I’m worried I’m going to encounter this with my on again off again friend. If she does bring it up, then I’m just going to tell her the truth – WE wanted people that were there for both of us throughout our entire relationship, not just one of us. Would that maybe work for your situation for her too in case she brings it up?

Post # 5
181 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I agree, this doesn’t necessarily deserve a conversation. If she does ask about it, maybe you could say that you’ve seen how stressed she’s gotten being in a Bridal Party in the past, so you thought she could best enjoy the wedding as a regular guest. Maybe you could consider including her in a more low-key way. For example, we wanted to keep our Bridal Party “small” (5 or less on each side), so we didn’t include our opposite sex siblings (his sisters, my brothers). I’ll still ask them to hang out with me in the morning, and also invite them to get their hair and/or makeup done with us at the salon. Maybe if you are having a group breakfast, or a rehearsal dinner, you could invite the friend to that. Then she is more included than the average guest, but less involved than the Bridal Party.

Of course, that is ONLY if YOU want to include her in that way. You don’t “owe” it to anyone to include them in certain aspects of your wedding.

Good luck!!

Post # 6
2168 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I just wanted to back up your decision to choose your party carefully. My stepsister was one of my choices, and is like your friend is also single in her thirties – and it was only during the wedding process that it really came out how much issues she had with this. I had to deal with her getting herself overly wasted at events and flirting with my friend’s husbands; teliing everyone that this was her 7th time being a bridesmaid, and acting completely depressed and out of control the whole time.

So, sounds like you made the right call on your friend. You don’t need that, believe me. It was not fun for me to have to deal with that. Just saying. I don’t think you need to say anything, it will be awkward, yes, but only address it if she brings it up.

Post # 7
616 posts
Busy bee

@LiliKitty: +1 to “Yeah, don’t tell her anything unless she brings it up. She doesn’t need an explanation at all.”

Post # 8
558 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013 - The Down Town Club, Philadelphia

@Miss Otter:  I’m in a similar situation, and I have decided to not mention it unless she does. This is easy for us bc the crux of the problem is though we used to be close, we haven’t seen each other more than 2 times this whole year! 

I thought about taking her to lunch and letting her know that she’s not a bridesmaid, but my Maid/Matron of Honor thought that was overkill, and unnecessary. If she ever brings it up, I will tactfully explain my reasons. I do feel badly about it, but things change, life changes, and sometimes it’s better not to open a big can of worms.

Post # 9
558 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013 - The Down Town Club, Philadelphia

Don’t know why my reply went to Miss Otter. Sorry bout that!

Post # 10
1606 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Agree with PP – don’t discuss the subject with her unless she brings it up.  If she does, tell her you and your Fiance agreed on having a smaller bridal party.  Then maybe you can ask her to be involved in another way — like a reading?

Post # 11
1 posts
  • Wedding: November 2013

I can relate to these issues. My fi wants a smaller party, limiting his guys at three but I feel so trapped by the fact that my choices for Bridesmaid or Best Man number three would require me to draw a line between several friends who I love equally. I have no idea what to do and i’m afraid no matter what I do, someone’s feelings will be hurt. I know I can have more than his number in my Bridal Party in today’s world but it’d be great to keep it even… However, in your case, knowing this friend’s background it makes perfect sense that you’d be weary. Stick to your guns and involve her in other ways- don’t bring it up until she does but be prepared with a solid answer just in case. Your delivery makes all the difference, if you believe what you’re saying she will too! Goo luck!

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