(Closed) How do I tell my parents about him?

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
9526 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Skip the church talk? You are not at home anymore, you are an adult. You can just say “Meet Bill, he is into X “sports”, Y “current events” and Z “NCIS”. Whatever is in common with the parents. 

Post # 3
Member
2664 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

hopefullymrsk:  Firstly, good news on your new relationship! It’s up to you whether or not you’re ready to tell your parents yet, your boyfriend should not pressure (not implying he is) you into taking things too quickly.

But most importantly, your faith is your choice. Your parents should be old enough to know to judge only by the person, not by the religion. I know you can get some nutters who hide behind their faith, but really, they’re just nutters regardless! Your parents may have been stung but I’d just be honest with them. If they have reservations then address them matter of factly. They should give you both a chance, you may need to ask for one but they’re your parents! They should absolutely give you time.

Post # 5
Member
9526 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

hopefullymrsk:  You can lie, like most do when they meet people online and instead say “oh, we met at a coffee shop”, change topics or be honest about church

Post # 7
Member
2664 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

hopefullymrsk:  Then your Dad is being ignorant. You can’t disregard an entire faith with so little regard. 

Besides, people change. You may find that they reconsider their stance on your faith once they realise it means something to you. Sometimes we say things we don’t truly mean in the heat of the moment. So long as you show that you’re still you, and you have a personality of your own then they should accept you. You’re not brainwashed if you can think for yourself. You need to be able to see both the good and the bad of your religion. Generally it’s not healthy to follow a religion to the letter. Most will take the good parts where they can better themselves and help others and run with that. Faith should be in your heart, not written in a book.

Post # 8
Member
7430 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

I wouldn’t lie about where you met and going to church. You’ll always feel icky about the lie, and the truth will eventually come out.

If they can’t accept your faith and your Boyfriend or Best Friend, that is unfortunate, but as Christians, we know that we will not have an easy time and there will be persecution along the way.

I would warn your Boyfriend or Best Friend that while you want them all to meet, it may not go entirely smoothly. Give him a heads up.

Post # 9
Member
1261 posts
Bumble bee

I wouldn’t lie. Why take responsibility for the burden of their intolerance? Be honest, and they can choose how to react, and then you can decide if you want to be around it

Post # 11
Member
103 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

i think you can pray together befoe speak to your parents..

maybe you can invite your parents to your place and take dinner together with him.. and you can introduce him

Post # 12
Member
4238 posts
Honey bee

hopefullymrsk:  

It’s understandable that you’re concerned, then. Hang in there, Bee. My two cents will differ from advice you’ve received here because I’d suggest you postpone the meeting.

Await a more serious stage in the relationships, such as engagement for you and your Boyfriend or Best Friend or interest (or interference) from your parents. I didn’t meet my ILs until engaged. We also waited until the trip and its propriety (and the appearance of it) was assured (it was a flight, separate guestrooms, family’s acceptance of our faith and intentions). My ILs didn’t share our faith and it was important to my Fiance and I that they saw it in action. Now, if your interstate travel is a day trip for them to just meet for a meal, then your witness isn’t affected by the travel.

My other suggestion would be to await a meeting until a family gathering is held, where parents, siblings, your religious aunt and uncle, etc. are all there. That way your Boyfriend or Best Friend meets them in a more casual manner. If an overnight stay is required for that, maybe have your aunt and uncle host you two.

Anyway, I agree with all the posters reminding you that you should stand firm on your convictions and stand up for yourself as an autonomous adult despite your parents’ objections to your faith. My advice simply carries forward into considering your faith walk itself, as well as how its viewed by an outsider even when that outsider is family.

Post # 13
Member
1746 posts
Bumble bee

Maybe let them know that you’ve been going to church first, in another conversation before dropping the boyfriend on them too?  I’d probabl time that conversation shortly before I walked out the door.  Give a few minutes for discussion, but know there is a hard endpoint if they start inon you. ” Hey, mom/dad,  I wanted to let you know something. I don’t want to fight about it, but i know you aren’t going to approve, and we’re probably just going to have to agree to disagree.   I’ve found that religion does have alace in my life, and I’ve been going to church pretty regularly. ”    

Post # 14
Member
2110 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

Thinking really long term on this… If you’re both religious, surely you would want to be married (if you want to get married) within a church, or more specifically your church? I know that was a no-brainer for us. So, if your relationship progresses to that point, your parents are going to have to be comfortable sitting through a religious ceremony. Perhaps you could open up to your parents about church first, I realise it might not be a comfortable situation but if you can explain that this is something you believe, it hasn’t fundamentally changed who you are and that you would like them to respect your wishes. We all make our choices and it isn’t for someone else to say if our choices are right or wrong. After broaching the topic of religion, you could then say that you’ve met a wonderful man and if they ask where, say church. 

Alternatively, if you’re not ready to go down that route yet, maybe say you met through “a mutual friend” and nobody that they would know before changing subject to how nice he is. I know you mentioned you don’t want to lie but I think this is just one version of the truth, your mutual friend being Christianty. Good luck to you in this situation.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 1 month ago by  loz24.
Post # 15
Member
940 posts
Busy bee

I also don’t agree with lying. There’s no shame in being religious. If your parents are ignorant and intolerant that is their fault not yours. If they ask I’d just be honest. And if they give fly a hard time I would say something like “would you rather I met someone while trying to score dope”. Don’t allow their intolerance to mar something that’s making you happy. 

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